The Ancient Art of Maraudering
by trueroyalblue
Summary: When Harry gets knocked out in a Quidditch match against Slytherin, he has a very strange dream. He dreams he has adventures with the Marauders, Lily, Ron, and Hermione at Hogwarts. Will he ever manage to wake up, or will the craziness suffocate him?
1. Prologue

Hey everyone! I just decided to put this one in here, so it might make some more sense. :)

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_Harry surveyed the scene before him. Gryffindor was up, 40-30, and he knew he had to find the snitch soon if they had any hope of winning._

_The day was cold, and there was a humoungous thunder storm going on. Squinting through his goggles (he thanked the gods 'Mione knew that spell), he saw Ron miss another shot at their goal. Groaning silently in frustration, he took a deep breath, and then shouted out encouragement to his friend._

_People were usually hard on him because of his stress problems- the Slytherins certainly weren't cutting him a break- but mostly everyone else did, simply because the weather conditions were horrifically bad today, and it was only natural for an ametur goalie to miss in bad weather._

_Another loud CRACK of lightning brought him back to the action happening right before his eyes.. Ginny (his lips curled up into a smile as he saw her) had the Quaffle, and was zooming on her broom to the Slytherin goalposts as fast as she could. The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs were going crazy with wild cheering, he even screamed, "GO GINNY!" a few times, getting caught up in the moment of the game. _

_Harry loved moments like those, the ones where you felt the rush of energy -either with you or another team member- in the moment of the game. It was as if the entire stadium disappeared, and there was only you and the scene around you. _

_Ginny passed it to another Chaser -he couldn't tell who due to the storm- the teammate passed it back to her, and she hurled it into the left hoop, scoring. The cheers from the crowd were deafening, and were loads louder than the Slytherins booing. Lightning lit up the sky again, followed quickly by a loud BOOM, making several people cover their ears from the added noise._

_The score was now 50-30, but everyone knew Slytherins played dirty- the team must have something up their sleeves, or they would never have looked so unperturbed by the score. Well, they never have been before._

_Suddenly, his eyes caught sight of the Golden Snitch right behind the Slytherin seeker, Draco Malfoy. His eyes zeroed in on the Golden Snitch, trying to figure out a way? His own Firebolt was a lot faster than Malfoy's Nimbus Two Thousand, but all Malfoy had to do was turn around and grab it! He DID have the element of surprise if the crowd didn't give him away..._

_Back to the original problem: How in the name of Hell was he going to get it without Malfoy noticing? His mind was busy coming up with solutions. Malfoy wasn't looking this way, maybe he could sneak up behind him on his broomstick... but the crowd might not go for that. Umm, he might be able to-_

_Unfortunately for Harry, he never got a chance to finish that thought. Simply because he was trying to figure out a way to catch the Golden Snitch, he hadn't been paying much attention to the game. As a result, he hadn't heard people's warning cries as the Bludger came and hit him in the head, hard. _

_Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff's BOOS were defeaning- McGonagall was even joining in along with a lot of the other teachers. Somehow, Dumbledore made himself look neutral in the midst of the chaos, even though Harry knew Dumbledore supported Gryffindor. _

_Suddenly, an aching pain gripped Harry on his head. Strange, he was usually able to shrug off Buldgers... __Groaning, he gingerly touched where he had been smacked. His eyesight was getting hazy, and he rubbed his eyes, trying to stay awake. However, the rains were pounding onto his head, making his growing headache worse. The crowds booing or cheering- depending on what side you were on- only made it worse. _

_He barely noticed as he dropped lower and lower from the sky, his broom wobbling hesitantly from side to side. _

_Before he knew it, he was falling, falling, falling hard towards the ground, and he was out cold the instant he hit it._

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That's it for the beginning! Just drop a review in for me!


	2. Trouble in Transfiguration

Hello all! This is the first chapter that has been rewritten, so it's in the same format as the later half of the story. This is my longest-ever story, and I'm very happy with what it's turning into. I'll cut this authors note short, since no one probably reads these... :-P

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter =P

Sirius: You're right, she doesn't! If she did, she'd be able to swim in her own money!

Me: Hey, I have money!

Sirius: Like forty dollars is that much.

Me: Oh shut up...

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Chapter One: Trouble in Transfiguration

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hermione, how did we get here?" Harry shrieked, looking around him like a maniac.

"Well I don't know," Hermione retorted, rolling her eyes. "It looks like we're STILL at Hogwarts, OHMIGOSH!"

"But something feels different!" Harry protested, looking around the classroom that was slowly filling with people.

"How come you didn't ask me?" Ron asked, indignantly.

"Oh, I'm not commenting," Hermione said.

"Well it's not like you gave me any time to ask you, did I?" Harry responded, bidding his time.

Then, all three of their mouths dropped as a clone of Harry, the teenage Sirius, Remus, and Peter (Harry recognized them from the Pensive fifth year) entered the classroom.

"Hey, you're kind of sitting in our seats," Harry's clone said, approaching the table the Golden Trio was sitting at in the back of the room.

"What? These are our seats! We always sit here!" Ron protested, indignantly.

"Ron, just let it go," Hermione said, out of the corner of her mouth.

"One question," Harry asked. "Where are we?" Hermione groaned, and dragged a struggling Harry and Ron away from the Marauders, mouthing 'Sorry' over her shoulder.

"I think I'm starting to see what's going on," Hermione said, thinking hard. "Me too!" Harry exclaimed, eyes widening as he caught on.

"What's going on? I don't get it!" Ron said, confused.

"Oh God, Ronald. I'm so disgusted I can't even say it! Harry, would you?"

"If I must, 'Mione. Ron, we've been sent back in time to when my parents were in school," Harry explained.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" Harry looked at Ron.

"Er- maybe?" Ron said, not wanting to say yes for some reason. Harry rolled his eyes, used to Ron's 'undercover blondeness' by now.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Harry's clone, which should probably be called 'James' at this point, asked, bouncing up and down.

"Why are you bouncing up and down?" Hermione responded, raising her eyebrows.

"I asked you first!"

"We were talking about… Quidditch! Yeah, that's it, Quidditch!" Harry said.

"You play Quidditch?" James asked, still bouncing up and down.

"They do," Hermione said, nodding towards Harry and Ron.

"Cool, so do I! What position do you play?"

Harry said 'Seeker' the same time Ron said 'Keeper'.

"You know you never answered my question," Hermione insisted.

"Oh, alright. It's a bet. I bet Sirius five Galleons that I wouldn't be able to bounce up and down for ten minutes, and now I'm proving him wrong!" James replied, STILL bouncing up and down. Behind them, the teenage Sirius Black called out, "Keep on going, James! You're doing just fine!"

"It's GOT to be more than ten minutes by now, Padfoot!" James said, breathing hard.

"Nope, it's only been five. Six more to go!" Sirius responded. He laughed as James groaned.

"Padfoot?" Remus said, amused.

"Yeah, Moony?"

"Firstly, there would only be SEVEN minutes left. And secondly-," the undercover werewolf lowered his voice so James couldn't hear, "It's been fifteen minutes,"

"I know!" Sirius snickered as he showed Remus the stopwatch. Seeing Sirius' deceptiveness, Remus rolled his eyes. "Prongs'll kill you if he finds out,"

"But he won't, right Moony?" Sirius looked meaningfully at Remus.

"No, Padfoot. Prongs won't find out,"

"That is all I ask,"

"It better be,"

"So what were you REALLY talking about?" James narrowed his eyes, looking at the trio suspiciously.

"If they don't want to show you James, they don't have to! You're not King of Hogwarts, no matter how much you act like it!" a red headed female with bright green eyes approached the group, glaring at James. With a jolt, Harry realized it was Lily, his mother.

"HEY! Wait… did you just call me James?" he was still bouncing up and down.

"NO! I didn't! What are you talking about, Potter?" Lily snapped.

"Yes, you did! Padfoot, we have a breakthrough. I repeat, we have a breakthrough!" James grinned like a little boy at Christmas.

"It was a slip of the tongue!" Lily protested.

"SUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRREEEEEEE it was, Lily dearest,"

"YESSSS! Moony and Wormie'll never believe this, though," Sirius cheered, joining the group.

"Believe what?" a squeaky voice asked, and Harry saw that the voice belonged to Peter Pettigrew.

"I'd like to know what, too," Remus added.

"That Lily called Prongs James, not Potter," Sirius answered, smugly.

"It's about time," Peter squeaked.

"If it weren't for the evidence, I never would've guessed," Remus said, stunned.

"Really?" Ron asked, surprised.

"You're not from around here, are you?" Sirius asked.

"Er, do I have to answer that?" Ron said, alarm bells going off in his head.

"You're not too bright, are you?"

"No I'm not… HEY!" Ron exclaimed, and Sirius laughed.

"! OOOOHHHHHHH !"

"What is it, Padfoot?"

"Where's my Minnie? She's supposed to be here by now!"

"Weren't you paying attention, Padfoot? She came in and wrote the instructions down on the board, and then said she was going to play Wizard's Chess with Dumbledore!"

"! !"

"What is it NOW, Padfoot?"

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I dunno… maybe you should… oh, say… LOOK AT THE BOARD?"

"But I don't WANNA look at the board!"

"Padfoot, you asked ME what to do, and I told you. Don't complain,"

"But I wanna complain, Moony!"

"What, is it your life's dream to be the Number One Complainer and Whiner in the world?" Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're finally catching on!" Sirius patted him on the back.

"Oh, God," Remus groaned.

"Relax, Moony, don't get your knickers in a twist. I'll tell him," James said, laughing.

"Whatever, just don't kill anyone,"

"The directions say…" James paused for 'DRAMATIC EFFECT', "Change Snivellus into a kitty!"

"No they don't!" Harry said, cluelessly.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" James whispered, sniggering.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Harry exclaimed, realizing what James was doing.

"And they say I'm the clueless one," Ron rolled his eyes.

"That's because you are," Hermione giggled, pausing her conversation with Lily to say that to Ron.

"Do you take PLEASURE in lowering my self-esteem?" Ron asked, exasperatedly.

"Yes, I do actually," Hermione giggled again, and returned to her conversation with Lily.

"I like those directions!" Sirius grinned, and whether he knew what James was doing or not, turned Severus Snape into a kitty!

"Well waddya know, he's ugly even when he's a cat!" James laughed, high fiving Sirius. The greasy kitty meowed, which would probably be called a yell in 'kitty speak'. Then, after chasing its tail for five seconds, ran out of the room at top speed.

"That was RICH!" James laughed, high fiving Sirius.

"That wasn't rich, that was mean! One day your pranks are going to come back and hit you, hard," Lily glared at them.

"I'm touched that you care!" James grinned, ignoring Lily's open hostility.

"I don't! I'm just warning you what'll happen!" Lily said.

"," James stated, knowingly.

"Cool down, Lily. I'll just remember this next time he gives me another 'T' on my potions homework!" Ron laughed.

"What potions homework?" James asked, suspiciously.

"Er- did I really say that? Hey, look! It's Snape!" Ron pointed in a random direction and ran out of the room.

"Is that the bell I hear ringing?" Sirius asked, giggling.

"Yes, Padfoot, it is," Remus rolled his eyes, used to Sirius' goofiness.

"Hey, look! Minnie's back, and she's carrying Snivellus with her!" Harry said, pointing at the door.

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH Minnie don't look too good! I would run for it, Padfoot!" James warned.

"! !" she hollered, furiously.

"I've never seen her so mad!" Ron whispered, hiding behind Hermione.

"DUCK FOR COVER!" Harry screamed, following Ron's lead and hiding behind Hermione.

"Why would you duck for cover, honestly Harry that makes no sense," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"A lot of things I do make no sense, 'Mione. You should know that by now," Harry stuck his tongue out at her.

"!" Sirius yelled, and ran out of the classroom before Minnie could shout "DETENTION!"

"So glad the bell rang," Remus muttered, grabbing his and Sirius' stuff and followed everyone out of the room, ignoring McGonagall's angry glares best he could.

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So what do you think? I think it's definitely longer than the original. Anyways, reviews are welcomed- I'd like to know how I'm doing with this whole 'rewriting' process.


	3. History of Magic

Here's Chapter 2! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it means a lot to me!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Which is sad, really...

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Chapter Two: History of Magic

"It's your fault I got detention, Prongs," Sirius pouted, glaring at James.

"No it isn't! And anyway, you've gotten a million detentions before this, why should this one be any different?" James asked. Sirius didn't respond; he only glowered at James.

"You WERE stupid enough to fall for it," Remus chimed in.

"Hey! I knew it was a trick! I just felt like doing it, that's all!" Sirius exclaimed, indignantly.

" you did," Remus rolled his eyes.

"Go back to writing down notes, Moony! We're shunning you!"

"We?" Remus raised his eyebrows and looked at James, who held up his hands as if to say 'I'm not a part of this, please please PLEASE don't bring me into this!'.

"Thanks for your support, Prongs," Sirius glared, sarcastically.

"You're welcome," Remus stated, going back to writing HOM notes.

"Psst! Psst! Hey, not you- wait, yes you! Psst!" James whispered.

"Yeah?" Harry said, grouchily. He had just been interrupted from his dream of dancing monkeys.

"Does she always take notes?"

"Who?" Harry asked, more alert now.

"Who else?"

"…Good point. And yes, she does always take notes," Harry gave James that one.

"How does she do it?"

"Do it?" Harry snickered. James turned red, and said, "Well, you know what I mean,"

"I have no idea… I'll ask!"

"Ok!"

"'Mione?" Harry said, tentatively. Hermione could get a bit… short tempered… if she was interrupted.

"What?" she snapped, not looking up from her writing.

"How can you take notes like that when Professor Binns is so boring?"

"Because I have the uncanny ability to actually LISTEN to what Professor Binns is saying. Apparently, Lily and Remus have that gift, too,"

"I like her!" Remus said, high-fiving Hermione.

"Why do you have to be so cold, 'Mione? I'm not Ron," Harry pouted.

"HEY!" Ron glared at Harry.

"That's true…" Hermione said, thoughtfully. But so quietly that Harry couldn't hear.

"You haven't answered my question, 'Mione!" Harry demanded. Hermione didn't answer. She just tried really hard not to laugh.

"'Mione? 'MIONE? HERMIONE?" Harry shouted.

"Isn't it obvious that I'm trying to ignore you? I'm attempting and failing miserably to take notes!" Hermione snapped, glowering at Harry.

"Sorry,"

"It's okay. Like you said, you aren't Ron,"

"HEY!" Ron glared at both of them.

"What's so bad about being Ron?" Sirius asked.

"I'd like to know that too," Ron looked angrily at Harry and Hermione, and crossed his arms.

Harry and Hermione didn't answer.

"I'm just an innocent bystander! You can trust me!" Sirius insisted. Behind them, Remus and James snorted disbelievingly.

"I would rather confide in a pickle," Harry said.

"Same here," Hermione added.

"Pickles have feelings too, you know," Sirius sniffed.

"Pads, give it a rest," James said.

"Why should I?"

"Because I'll never talk to you again," James declared.

"You cast a hard deal, Prongs,"

"Thanks," James smiled, believing he had won.

"HA! I GOT YOU!"

"I never said WHEN Padfoot…" James rolled his eyes.

"You never let me have any fun," Sirius pouted.

"I let you turn Snivellus into a kitty! NOTHING but Quidditch is more fun than that!"

"That WAS fun!" Sirius gave in.

"Yeah it was!" James grinned, high fiving Sirius. Seeing that Lily was glaring at him, he quickly added, "But it was wrong. VERY VERY wrong,"

"Thank you," Lily sniffed.

"Can you thank me by going out with me?" James asked. Lily said nothing, but glared at him.

"He really IS a sweet guy," Sirius added.

"Coming from you, Black, that doesn't mean much,"

"Even insensitive people like me have feelings, ya know!" Sirius pouted, crossing his arms and glowered at Lily.

"Then what's the point of insensitivity?" Lily asked.

"INSENSI-WHAT?"

"Wow. Never mind then…"

"At least give me a chance! Please?" James begged. Lily didn't say anything, but she was listening.

"Just ONE chance, Lily? One glorious chance to prove myself to you? I'm not asking you to MARRY ME, I'm just asking you to go out on one date with me. If you don't like it, then you can leave. Just PLEASE give me a chance!" James begged.

"I suppose I COULD give you ONE chance... you've been nicer this year, and at the most it would get you to stop bugging me about it," Lily agreed.

"REALLY?" James exclaimed, his voice rising.

"Yeah. Just to see what happens,"

"SWEET! So, how 'bout Hogsmeade this Saturday?" James suggested.

"Okay. But just to show you that it'll never work between us," Lily said, firmly.

"Lily, I'll always like you no matter how disgusting or ugly or gross you'll act on Saturday, or any other day of the week. I'll always like you no matter what," James declared.

"That might've been the sweetest thing any boy has ever said to me before," Lily said, blushing.

"Really? Wow!"

"I'll see you later, than?"

"Count on it!" James grinned. Lily smiled, and went back to her friends to tell them the news.

"Padfoot, you'll never believe this, but Lily just agreed to go out with me Saturday!" James said, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"That's a good one, Prongs! I almost believed you for a second!" Sirius laughed.

"She did so! I'm serious!" James realized his mistake mere seconds after he said it.

"No, I'M Sirius,"

"Just listen to me! Lily agreed to go to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday!" James insisted. "Lily! LILY!" he called out, desperately.

"Yeah?" Lily asked, turning around.

"You agreed to go out with me Saturday, right?" James asked.

"Yes, I did James. Do you have short term memory loss or something?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes.

"HA! I TOLD YOU, PADFOOT!" James grinned. Lily rolled her eyes again and went back to talking to Alice and Mary.

"OH MY GOD! WORMTAIL! MOONY! COME HERE!"

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore," Remus rolled his eyes.

"What is it?" Peter squeaked.

"I DON'T CARE, MOONY! LILY'S GONE MENTAL!"

"What did you just call me, Black?" Lily raised her eyebrows, her right hand twitching towards her wand.

"Er- the smartest, prettiest girl in the entire 7th Year!"

"Now you sound like James," Lily said.

"What's wrong with being James?" James asked, indignantly. Lily chose not to answer.

"How DARE you call me James, when I am clearly the one and only Sirius Black, the only Black ever to be Sorted into Gryffindor AND-,"

"SHUT UP, BLACK!" Lily snapped.

"FINE! It's clear you don't appreciate my talents and uniquenesses," Sirius glared at Lily, and stormed away.

"Is uniquenesses even a word?" Peter asked.

"Just ask Moony if you want to know so bad," Sirius said, crossly.

"MOONY!" Peter yelled.

"What?

"Is uniquenesses a word?" Peter asked.

"Who said it?"

"Padfoot," he replied.

"Then it's not a word,"

"Okay! I'll go tell Padfoot!" Peter scrambled back to Sirius and told him. "Moony says uniquenesses isn't a word,"

"Only someone like Moony would know something like that," Sirius said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Moony exclaimed, indignantly.

"Nothing…"

"," Remus said, warningly.

"OKAY, OKAY! I'll tell you, though you probably won't like it. IT MEANS-," Sirius paused for dramatic effect, but it really just annoyed Remus, "THAT YOU'RE A NERD!"

"I'M NOT A NERD!"

"You're in denial. That's the first step to Nerddom," Sirius sniggered.

"Padfoot, stop picking on Moony. It's not Moony's fault he's a nerd," James said.

"You're not helping, Prongs," Remus glared.

"Oh, sorry Moony. I'm sure Padfoot didn't mean what he said, DID YOU PADFOOT?" James 'death glared' at Sirius.

"Er- Do you want the truth or one of those little white lies that won't hurt your feelings?"

"PADFOOT!" James shouted the same time Remus shouted, "PADFOOT!"

"Okay, okay, you're not a nerd. YOU'RE MY NERD!"

"Don't listen to him, Moony. You know Padfoot. He doesn't mean half of the stuff he says," James said.

"HEY!"

"Thanks, Prongs," Remus smiled.

"Uhm, guys?" Peter squeaked, tentatively.

"What is it?" James asked.

"This'd better be good," Sirius narrowed his eyes threateningly, in which Peter took a step back.

"Well?" Remus raised his eyebrows after glaring at Sirius.

"The bell just rang,"

Sirius' eyes widened and shouted, "-,"

"I'm leaving," James said, like he was used to this.

"-,"

Peter took one look at Sirius and said, "I'm with you,"

"-,"

"Padfoot, stop clowning around and-," Remus tried.

"-,"

"GET TO YOUR NEXT-,"

"-,"

"Oh, I give up. Later, Padfoot. HEY PRONGS, WAIT UP!" Remus called, leaving Sirius behind.

"-HHHHHH! Wait a sec, where did everyone go? Guys? GUYS? YOU LEFT WITHOUT ME? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! THIS CALLS FOR... REVENGE!" Sirius laughed, evilly.

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Did you like it? Reviews are welcome (:


	4. Ancient Runes

First of all, I'd like to thank **P. Amethyst**, **Lady-of-the-Ravens**, **RemusSiriusJames**, and **Hermione09Weasley** for reviewing. THANK YOU!

This chapter is rather short, sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I don't and never will own Harry Potter and Co, no matter how much I wish it were so. :'(

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Chapter Three: Ancient Runes

"Is it true?" Remus asked.

"Is what true?" Lily said.

"That you finally said yes to go out with James?"

"Yes, Remus. All of the wild rumors that James put me under a love potion or the Imperious Curse aren't true. I finally decided to give James a chance. Maybe then he'll stop bugging me," Lily sighed, sounding like she had answered the question a thousand times already.

"I see what you mean. You made a good choice in saying yes. James might appear... all of the words you've called him before on the outside, but on the inside, he's a really sweet guy that I hope you'll get to know,"

"Wow, that's really sweet, Remus. If what you say is true, I think I might try to find that guy," Lily said, thoughtfully.

"I'm glad you'll try to find that person," Remus smiled. James SO owed him for that!

"Right. But if they're just empty words..." Lily let the sentence trail off, and her eyes narrowed threateningly.

"I know, I know. I'll have to run to hide in Mexico for the rest of my life,"

"Exactly!" Lily said, far too cheerfully.

Hermione approached Lily and Remus nervously. Lily muttered some excuse about 'copying homework from Alice', and quickly walked away.

"Uhm, Remus?" the brunette asked, uneasily.

"Yeah, 'Mione?"

"Well, maybe, I was wondering, well you know, if maybe, you would want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?" she breathed, nervously.

"OH! Well, I- er, I mean-," Remus looked startled, thinking about his 'FLP'.

Lily had overheard everything, and quickly scribbled on a note. Then, she charmed the note and it flew towards Remus.

'Say YES, Remus, or I'll cancel my date with James. I can tell you like her, even if you don't know it yet, and that she likes you back'.

Remus scribbled back, ignoring Hermione for a few seconds, and charmed the note to fly back to Lily. The redhead opened it and read, 'No fair! It's blackmail!'

Lily rolled her eyes, and wrote, 'It's all fair in love and war!' Remus mouthed, 'I hate you' to Lily. She rolled her eyes and mouthed back, 'I'm doing you a favor'.

"'Mione?"

"Yes, Remus?" Hermione asked, her eyes lighting up.

"I would very much like to go out with you on Saturday,"

"Hey! I have an idea!" Lily approached them.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"Maybe you and 'Mione could double date with me and James," she suggested.

"I'm not sure James would like that on the first date. Maybe on the second," Remus said.

"Yeah, I'd rather just go alone with Remus," Hermione said, not unkindly.

"Has anyone ever heard of triple dating?" Lily asked.

"Nope," Hermione replied.

"I'm not sure I want to know," Remus responded.

"It was just a question guys, geez," Lily said.

"After you've been James and Sirius' best friend for seven years, it's questions like these that scare the shit outta you," When Lily and Hermione had taken a step away from Remus, Hermione asked, "Why do you ask?"

"Well, my sister Petunia said that she did it once,"

"What IS triple dating?" Remus asked.

"Like double dating only with three couples instead of two," Lily explained.

"OOOOHHHHHH. I knew that," Hermione said.

Lily and Remus looked at each other, each of them thinking, ','

"How did the triple dating go with your sister?" Remus asked, curiously.

"Not so good. The guy she was with fell for her best friend, whose date fell for Petunia, and Petunia fell for her other best friend's date, which fell for her own date,"

"That made absolutely no sense," Remus said, automatically.

"I think what she's trying to say, is that triple dating is a bad idea," Hermione stated.

"YES! YOU WIN, 'MIONE!" Lily grinned.

"Cool! What do I get?"

"You get..." Lily paused for a few seconds, thinking. She snapped her fingers, and exclaimed, "A big smoochie from Remus over here!"

"Yay! Pucker up, Remus!"

"At least this time I like the girl," Remus said.

"WHAT?" Lily exclaimed, shocked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked, stepping away from him.

Remus thought of all everything James and Sirius had forced him to do. Each and every one of them had left a scar in his memory, and both the girls would be repulsed by that. "Never mind. Come on, 'Mione. Let's go off to the broom closet," he said, WISELY choosing not to answer.

"Okay!" Hermione grinned, and they left when the teacher wasn't looking. Lily would cover for them.

"Am I not a genius?" Lily laughed, patting herself on the back for her accomplishment.

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You like it? Let me know how you felt in a review! :)


	5. DADA

I don't have much to say this time, my apologies.

Thank you to **Lily the Marauder** for** reviewing**! : )

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter and Related Characters. It would be so nice if I did though... I'd be set for life!

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Chapter Four: Defense Against the Dark Arts

'Now it's time to fulfill Phase One of my ingenious plot!' Sirius thought, laughing evilly in his mind. "So Prongs, what are you and Lily going to do on Saturday?"

"Oh, I dunno yet. I suppose we'll make it up as we go along," James replied, giving him a weird look.

"OOH! Can we go to Madame Puddifoots, PLEASE JAMES?" Lily begged.

"NO! Absolutely no Madame Puddifoots! ANYTHING but that!"

"But why n-ooooooooooooooooot?" Lily pouted.

"Because, because, it's for romantic couples sickly in love with one another. You're not sickly in love with me... are you?"

"No I'm not! At least, I think I'm not..." Lily said, thoughtfully.

Grinning to himself, Sirius transformed old quill into a large bucket and made goo and slime appear in it.

"I'd like it if you were sickly in love with me. I know I'm sickly in love with you," James' eyes lit up.

"PLEASE can we go to Madame Puddifoots? Why don't you like it?"

"NO! I don't like it because there are other couples in there, and it would just be too awkward. I'd rather do all that stuff with you in private," James replied. Sirius muttered, "'_Wingardium Leviosa',_" and maneuvered the bucket over James' head.

"Oh. I never looked at it like that before," Lily said, giggling.

"Prongs?" Remus said, staring at the bucket over James' head.

"How about we go to Madame Puddifoot's another time?" he suggested.

"Okay! How about a... broom closet for now?"

"Prongs!" Remus tried to warn James.

"I'm good with that!"

"PRONGS!"

"What, Moony? I'm TRYING to have a conversation with a girl!" James snapped, unaware of Sirius' plotting.

"Just look up,"

"Why?" James asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"JUST DO IT!" Remus snapped, impatiently. Glaring at him, James looked up just as Sirius yelled, "LOOK OUT BELOW!" and dumped the slime on James.

"Thanks a lot, Padfoot," James glowered at him.

"You're welcome!" Sirius grinned, cheerfully.

"You know, an ingenious stunt like that requires a special kind of reward," James said, in a dangerous tone that made everyone near him (except Sirius) take quite a few steps away from him.

"Really? What kind of reward? The best prank of the year reward?" Sirius said, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Something even better," James pointed his wand at the bucket and muttered "'_Wingardium Leviosa_'"

"COOL!" Sirius grinned, unaware of the bucket on top of him.

"Here it is!" And he flung the bucket at him.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sirius shrieked.

"HA! Take that!" James laughed.

"MEANIE!"

"You started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Okay! Thanks for giving in so fast!" Sirius laughed.

"I hate you," James glowered at him.

"YAY!"

"Stop arguing!" Lily said.

"Okay, Lilykins!" James agreed, all too quickly.

"You still can't call me that,"

"Why n-ooooooooooooot?" James pouted.

"Because, because, because you just can't, James!"

"Fine. WHO'S UP FOR A TRIP TO HOGSMEADE LATER TONIGHT?" James hollered.

"ME!" Sirius grinned, excitedly.

"Okay," Peter squeaked.

"I'm in!" Harry agreed.

"Me too!" Ron added.

"I've already studied for the Potions test, so I'll come. But it's on your head, James, if any of us get in trouble," Lily said.

"Can't. There's a big test in Potions tomorrow," Remus rejected the offer.

"Come off it, Moony! Lighten up a bit! Will you go if 'Mione goes?" James pleaded.

"Well…" Remus said, trailing off.

"PLEASE Moony?" James pressed further.

"Alright. But only if 'Mione comes,"

"'MIONE!" James shouted.

"What is it NOW?" Hermione asked, sounding exasperated.

"Moony wants you to go to Hogsmeade with us tonight!"

"But there's a big Potions test tomorrow," she said, frowning.

"Apart from maybe Lily and Remus, you're the smartest person in the 7th Year! I'm sure you've already studied like they have. Lighten up, have some fun!" Harry encouraged.

"Well, I suppose I COULD come... but I blame you, Harry, if I get anything below and 'E' on tomorrow's test," Hermione agreed, giving in.

"GREAT! Moony, you're coming!" James cheered.

"'Mione! How could you?"

"Sorry Remus. I guess I wanted to have a little fun. And Harry's right, I've studied enough as it is, and I'm determined to have fun tonight," Hermione responded. Her tone suggested she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"YES! WE'VE FINALLY RUBBED OFF ON YOU!" Harry shouted, joyfully.

"It's about time! Now it's really time for celebration!" Ron added, grinning.

"Fine. They'd somehow find a way to make me go anyways. Better to go now before they start the blackmail," Remus sighed, reluctantly agreeing to go.

"That was only once!" James protested.

"Yeah! And it was in our 5th Year! How can you remember that?" Sirius asked.

"It's a gift,"

"You BLACKMAIL people?" Lily exclaimed.

"Only when necessary, love," James replied, alarm bells going off in his head.

"And when is necessary?" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Whenever people, usually Remmy over here, refuse to come with us or... do something... unforgivable to us," James replied, lightly.

"Should I ask what you blackmail people with? Do I even want to know?"

"Only if you long for a heart attack!" James said.

"I'll keep my mouth shut,"

"That's a good idea," James nodded his head.

"You hold grudges, man," Sirius said, looking at Remus.

"I'd like to see you eat your words," Remus stated.

"You can't eat words! Unless you write letters on paper and eat that!" Sirius said, brightly.

"Oh, I give up!" Remus threw his hands up in the air.

"What's there to give up on?" Sirius asked, cluelessly.

"Now I definitely give up,"

"COME ON, MOONY! TELL ME!" he demanded, stomping his foot.

"Even you should be smart enough to know the answer to this one,"

A minute later, Sirius shouted, "Hey! You just insulted me!"

"Wow! Great job, Padfoot! It took you four minutes less than usual for you to figure out that I've insulted you. You get a gold star!"

"Cool! Yay gold star! It's shiny!" Sirius grinned, happily.

"Sarcasm doesn't work well on him, does it Remus?" Lily asked.

"Unfortunately not, Lily, unfortunately not,"

"That's too bad... not really, haha," Lily laughed.

"It's sarcasm that makes the world go round!" Harry said.

"What idiot told you that?" Hermione asked.

"Er- Ron did," Harry answered, awkwardly.

"YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?" Ron exclaimed.

"Only sometimes…" Hermione looked awkward.

"Thanks. I feel SOOOO much better now," Ron said, sarcastically.

"See 'Mione? Sarcasm!" Harry said.

"Good Lord, kill me now," Hermione looked up at the ceiling.

"You wanna die? I'll see if Voldemort can do it!"

"It's an expression, Harry," she groaned.

"It is?"

"And here I thought you were smarter than Ron…"

"But I am! I got one more 'O' than he did on his O.W.L's!" Harry insisted.

"It's times like these that I wonder why I hang out with you guys,"

"What's wrong with hanging out with us?" Harry demanded.

"I'd like to know that, too!" Ron added.

"I'm going to talk to Remus. You two are idiots,"

"But we're YOUR idiots!"

"Oh, God. REMUS!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What?" Remus asked.

"Harry and Ron are driving me crazy!"

"What do you want me to do about it? Hex them to death?" he replied.

"HA! Sarcasm!" Harry pointed out.

"Tell them to go away,"

"Do you honestly think they'll listen to me?" Remus asked.

"I had hoped…"

"Ron, Harry, 'Mione told me to tell you to go away and leave her alone,"

"But that's no fun!" Harry pouted.

"Yeah! Who else are we supposed to bug to death?" A few seconds later, Ron and Harry looked simultaneously at Remus.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus shouted.

"So, Remmy, hows the dating coming?" Harry began.

"Yeah! Find any… bookworms… yet?" Ron put in.

"You guys are worse than James and Sirius,"

"Why thank you, Remmy!" Harry grinned, while Ron nodded.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm losing my touch!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Time to make a Phase Three?" James asked, grinning the infamous Marauder smirk.

"I've already made a Phase Three, and was going to use it on you and Wormtail, but yes, time to use Phase Three," Sirius agreed, nodding.

"Okay. Tell me what Phase Three is,"

"Awww, do I have to? I don't like telling MY secrets…" Sirius pouted.

"Yes," James said, firmly.

"Fine. Here it is…" Sirius told James Phase Three in a whisper.

MEANWHILE…

"Did you kiss her yet?"

"Did you bite her yet?"

"Did you do IT with her yet?"

"Is she still alive?"

"…I can see why 'Mione left you guys. Lily, could you come here?" Remus asked.

"OOH, is Lily your girlfriend, Moony?" Harry giggled, knowing that they were annoying him.

"Yeah, if she is you have really bad taste," Ron chimed in.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Lily glared at Ron.

"Uhm… that Remus would have great taste if he chose you to be his girlfriend,"

"That's what I THOUGHT you said," Lily crossed her arms and turned her back to Ron.

"But I'm his girlfriend!" Hermione protested, only hearing the end of the conversation.

"You are? I mean, you ARE!" Remus said, covering himself quickly when Hermione raised her eyebrows at him.

"NOW!" James and Sirius shouted. They dumped a humongous bucket's worth of ...let's just say BAD THINGS… on Remus.

"-,"

"Yes! It still works!" Sirius cheered, high-fiving James.

"-,"

"Did you see Moony's reaction? It was PRICELESS! We should've had a camera!" James laughed, looking at Remus covered in horrid things that are better left unsaid.

"-,"

"Who says we didn't?" Sirius smirked, pulling out a hidden camera.

"-,"

"Even more brilliant!" James laughed, high-fiving Sirius again for his 'utter brilliance'.

"-,"

"Not AGAIN," Lily groaned. "I'm out," she said, when the bell rang a few seconds later.

"-,"

"Me too," Hermione said, following Lily out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"-,"

"And us," Harry and Ron said, simultaneously.

"-,"

Peter realized everyone was going, and quickly followed them out of the classroom, not quite sure where they were heading.

"-,"

"Should we go too?" James asked, not sure if they should abandon Remus in his predicament that they caused.

"-,"

Sirius looked at Remus, who was running around the classroom blindly. He was most certain to kill them when they were sane, so he said, "Yeah, fast,"

"-,"

"Bye Moony!" They chorused, and left arm-in-arm.

"," Remus paused in his screams to realize that no one was in the classroom anymore. "They left, didn't they?" he groaned, and after doing a quick spell to get rid of whatever James and Sirius had dumped on him, grabbed his books and raced to his next class.

* * *

Did you like it? Reviews are greatly appreciated and welcomed :)


	6. Potions

A big thank you goes out to: **P. Amethyst**, **Hermione09Weasley**, **romdevil**, and **WritingRocks6** for reviewing :). You guys rock!

Disclaimer: I **STILL** don't own Harry Potter. Oh, I wish it were true...

And now, without further adue, I give you the next chapter! :)

* * *

Chapter Five: 5th Period, Potions

"Why did you go and dump… bad stuff… on me?" Remus exclaimed, as soon as he sat down in his seat in the Potions classroom.

"Because you said Harry and Ron were worse than we were, and we thought we were losing our touch, so I came up with the best prank ever!" Sirius grinned like he had won the lottery.

"Um, we BOTH came up with it, Padfoot, but it WAS a fantastic prank! GO US!" James laughed, and high-fived Sirius.

"Fine. Padfoot, Prongs, you two are worse than Harry and Ron," Remus groaned, sick of being the victim of their competitions.

"Thank you," Sirius said, and crossed his arms.

"It's only logical that we're better than them," James added.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ron, we need to talk," Harry stated.

"Talk about what?" Ron asked, clueless as ever.

"We need to plot, Ron! We NEED to be worse than Padfoot and Prongs!"

"Okay! How about this idea...?" he suggested.

"Lily?" James whispered.

The red headed, green-eyed girl didn't respond.

"Lily?" James whispered a little louder.

Lily still didn't respond.

"LILY!" James all-but shouted.

"Don't you know? Lily never passes notes in Potions," Remus explained.

"Yeah. She feels she needs to live up to Slughorn's expectations," Wormtail put in.

"Like the little nerd she is!" Sirius snickered.

"Lily's not a nerd! She's just a bookworm," James defended her.

"Fine, but Moony's still a nerd, right?"

"Sure Padfoot, Moony is OUR nerd!" James grinned.

"Yay!" Sirius exclaimed, high-fiving James.

"HEY! You're lucky that I'm not as immature as you guys are, or you would be dead right now," Remus said, in a rather intimidating tone that would've scared anyone but James and Sirius.

"Awwwwww. Moony's a chicken, too!"

"Padfoot, I would stop it,"

"Yes, listen to Prongs, Padfoot. I just might decide to lose my maturity," Remus warned, glaring at Sirius.

"Was that a threat?" Sirius narrowed his eyes and reached for his wand.

"Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn't," Remus narrowed HIS eyes and reached for his wand.

"No one but PRONGS can threaten Padfoot the Great!" Sirius burst out.

"I can threaten you? Sweet! Hey Prongs, you know the time last summer when you tripped into my mum's three-story cake?" James exclaimed, happily.

"We agreed never to speak of it again!" Sirius said, jabbing James with his wand.

"Well, you said I could threaten you!" James pouted, indignantly rubbing the spot where Sirius had jabbed him with his wand.

"I changed my mind! Now you can't! NO ONE CAN THREATEN THE GREAT PADFOOT! PADFOOT THE GREAT IS UNTHREATENABLE!"

"Oh, shut up, Padfoot!" James rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, listen to Prongs, Padfoot. Your antics are getting quite annoying," Remus added.

"I think they're funny!" Wormtail defended Sirius.

"I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates my talents," he sniffed.

"Oh boy,

"Someone stop him now before he goes too far!" Harry exclaimed.

In response, James leapt onto Sirius and covered up his mouth so he couldn't talk.

"OOOHHHHHH, Slughorn's coming, Jamsiekins," Harry ooed.

"Who cares? Slughorn's just a big idiot who's scared of everything," James shrugged.

"You DO realize there's such thing as a Silencing Charm, right?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, I'm well aware of the Silencing Charm, Moony. But this is FAR more exciting than the boring Silencing Charm!" James grinned, insanely.

"I would still get off before he sees you. Besides, Sirius looks like he's ready to kill you," Harry said, unusually the voice of reason.

"Fine, I have no wish to get detention tonight anyways," James agreed, letting Sirius go and returning to his seat.

"You ARE a pro, James. Slughorn never saw a thing," Ron said, in an admiring tone.

"But he sure as hell is going to HEAR something!" Sirius exclaimed, angrily.

"Padfoot, NOOOOOOOO!" James pleaded.

"Fine. I'll tell him after class," Sirius subsided.

James stuck his tongue out at Sirius.

"How mature of you," Remus said, sarcastically.

"AHA! 'Mione! More sarcasm!" Harry shouted.

"Oh, go jump in a lake," Hermione said.

"More sarcasm!"

"That, wasn't sarcasm, Harry," Hermione sighed.

"Yes it was!"

"No it wasn't!"

"Yes it was!" It was obvious that Harry was enjoying this.

"I refuse to get into something so immature," Hermione stated, firmly.

"Because you know I'm right and you're wrong," Harry grinned, knowing he was annoying her.

"Oh, shut up," Hermione crossed her arms, looking irritated.

"But I can't shut up! I've already been shutted up!"

"You don't make sense, Harry. Now stop talking to me so I can get a good grade in this class," Hermione glowered at him.

"Why thank you, 'Mione! You're no fun, no fun at all. RON!"

"What?" Ron asked, slightly annoyed. He had actually been paying attention, for once.

"Time to prank Remmy!"

"OOH! Great fun! Ready for Phase One?" Ron said, excitedly.

"Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"There's only one phase!"

"Chill out, Harry! Just asking if you were ready to begin," Ron stated, indignantly.

"Well, I am," Harry replied, having the decency to look a little abashed.

"Harry?"

"What now?" Harry asked.

"There are actually two phases, Distraction and Action," Ron said.

"Oh, right. I forgot. I just felt like yelling at you,"

"Hmph. Go roll around in dog poo,"

"So, ready?" Harry chose to ignore Ron's last comment.

"Yep!"

"OH REMMY!"

"What is it NOW, Harry?" Remus asked, in an exasperated tone.

"How's your girlfriend doing?"

"Weeelllllllll, I think she's annoyed right now," Remus said, glaring at Harry pointedly.

"Annoyed by who?" Harry asked, innocently.

"By you two nitwits!"

"You mean Jamsie and Sirius?"

"NO! By you and Ron, smartass," Remus replied, irritated now.

"How could we POSSIBLY be annoying, Remmy? I haven't done anything annoying in my entire life," Harry asked, so innocently that if Remus didn't know better, he would've believed the guy. But Remus was unfortunate enough TO know Harry, so instead he snorted, "Yeah, right. Like I'm supposed to believe that,"

"NOW!" Harry shouted.

The next thing Remus knew, he was covered in a bucket-load of jelly slime.

"HEY! WHO DID THAT?" Remus exclaimed, too pissed off to not care whether or not he got in trouble.

Everyone was smart enough not to say anything.

"Padfoot, this was your doing!"

"For once, I didn't do it! I swear!" Sirius stated, not wanting to face the wrath of Remus.

"WE DID IT!" Ron burst out, gleefully.

"Er, Ron, could I talk to you, PRIVATELY?"

"Sure, Harry!" Ron agreed, a little too happily. Harry led him over to a more secluded area of the Potions classroom.

"So, what's up?" Ron asked, in a tone so clueless that it almost scared Harry.

"Don't you know not to confess pranks in front of the victim?" Harry nearly slapped Ron for his stupidity.

"OOOHHHHHHH. Sorry, Harry," Ron's eyes widened as realization hit him.

"It's okay. Now, when Remmy asks us if we had anything to do with it, what do we do?"

"BLAME PADFOOT!" Ron grinned.

"Exactly. You have learned well, my pupil," Harry said. After they high-fived, they walked back to their seats.

"Did you just confess, Ron?" Remus' eyes were dark with anger. Only a complete and utter MORON would've admitted to it. Although, Remus should've know who the culprit's were all along...

"Nope! I only was kidding. I saw Sirius and James doing it," Ron lied, easily. That earned an approving nod and smile from Harry.

"I KNEW it!" Remus glared at the two.

"What'dya saaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Harry said.

"Um, thank you?"

"," Harry shook his head.

"Sorry?" Remus tried again.

"For what?" Harry prompted.

"I honestly don't know,"

"Saying that James and Sirius are worse than us," Harry said, stating it clear-as-day.

"I'm not saying ANYTHING of the kind! I'm tired of you and Ron competing against James and Sirius to get me to say that they're worse than the other. I'm SICK of it! I wish I had kept my big mouth shut! I-,"

"You must lose it a lot, Remmy. I don't know how Jamsie and Siri can stand you," Harry grinned manically.

"I know. I'm surprised ANYONE can stand you," Ron added.

"Oh, shut up," Remus was really getting pissed now.

"Obviously, we can't shut up, we're talking SILENTLY! 'Mione fell for the same thing,"

"I did not! That doesn't even make SENSE!" Hermione's voice rose.

"Did too!"

"Are you TRYING to piss me off?" Hermione's expression nearly copied Remus'. They really were meant to be…

"Yep! Is it working?" Harry asked, a little too cheerfully for anyone's liking.

"Unfortunately, yes. I'm going to pass notes with the only other sane person here... excluding Lily. Later guys," Hermione stated, turning her back to them.

"Who else is sane?" Ron asked, confused.

"We all are sane, Ron, I think 'Mione means Remmy," Harry explained.

"OOOOOOOOHHH!"

"So Moony, who gets the title of being the worst?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah! We're all dying to know, Moony!" Wormtail added.

"In your case, Wormtail, it might be better that way," James smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Wormtail exclaimed, indignantly.

"Nothin," James started to whistle nonchalantly.

"So, Moony, WHO WON?" Padfoot insisted.

"Yeah! This is something we NEED to know!" James put in.

"Fine. No one won. Padfoot, Prongs, Harry, and Ron are all equal in badness. I hate you all. Congratulations," the undercover werewolf scowled and returned to talking to Hermione.

"You don't hate us! You love us!" Sirius exclaimed.

"OOOOHHHHH! More sarcasm!" Harry grinned.

"IT WASN'T SARCASM!"

"If it wasn't, then what was that?"

"I give up. I need to talk to someone sane. 'MIONE!" Remus yelled.

"Yeah?"

"I NEED to talk to someone sane," Remus whimpered.

"I'll take it that means me?" Hermione said, sympathetically.

"Exactly," Remus confirmed.

"Maybe we should do what Slughorn wrote on the board?" she suggested.

"I suppose so... it'd be nice to do something NORMAL for once in a classroom," Remus agreed, half-heartedly.

"WE are the worst!" Harry shouted.

"That's where you're wrong, Harry. ME AND PADFOOT ARE THE WORST!" James yelled.

"ME AND RON ARE THE WORST!" Harry argued.

"No one DARES to anger Prongs the Great, right Padfoot?"

"Um, sure, whatever. This is stupid. I want pie!" Sirius replied.

"Despite what my companion says, NO ONE DARES TO THREATEN PRONGS THE GREAT!" James exclaimed.

"Except PADFOOT THE GREAT!" Sirius shouted.

"Let me do the talking... You're not exactly helping us win the Battle of the Worst," James glowered at Sirius.

"Why should I?" Sirius crossed his arms and pouted.

"Just do what I say," he rolled his eyes.

"OKAY!"

"NO ONE DARES TO THREATEN HARRY THE HORRIFYER!" Harry bellowed.

"AND RON THE RETALIATOR!" Ron added.

"Ron, please, just let me handle the talking," Harry pleaded.

"Fine. You can... THIS time," Ron gave in.

"We're the best!" Harry all-but hollered.

"No, we're the best!" James insisted, indignantly.

"CUT IT OUT!" Remus shouted, effectively.

"Do we have toooo?" Sirius whined.

"YES!" Remus and Hermione exclaimed.

"Fine. Come on, Padfoot. Let's go somewhere where there are no goody two shoes and no... traitors," James said.

"HEY!" Harry and Remus screeched

"With great pleasure, Prongs. People like them don't deserve our presence," Sirius sniffed. Taking James' arm, they stalked off to a private area of the classroom.

"Now what?" Harry asked.

"Let's go bug Remmy!" Ron suggested, brightly.

"Great idea, Ron!"

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Remus yelled, and hid behind Hermione just as the bell rang.

"Thank God!" Remus exclaimed, getting down on his knees and throwing his arms up in the air. Hermione giggled, and pulled Remus up.

"Come on, Remus. Let's get to our next class," she said. Most of the people had already left, eager to get out of Slughorn's clutches.

"You know... we're all alone, in an empty classroom," Remus murmured, seductively.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, and just as they were about to kiss, she pulled back and said, "You know, the students for Slughorn's next class will be coming in soon. We'd better leave," Hermione walked out of the classroom. At the door, she turned around and smirked at Remus. "Well, are you coming?"

The star struck Remus snapped back to life, and chased Hermione out of the classroom and down the hall, laughing and yelling, "I'll get you for that!"

Safe within his office, Slughorn had seen the happy couple and sighed sadly. "Now why can't _I_ have a relationship like that?" he muttered.

* * *

Thanks for reading and have a GREAT day (:


	7. Herbology

_Thank you to , Hermione09Weasley, romdevil, and P. Amethyst for reviewing. Here are your brownies and milk if i didn't give them to you yet... if I already did, you get more! XD _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, etc, etc. These things are getting annoying. Can't I just use these? ""_

* * *

Chapter Six: Sixth Period - Herbology

Remus came panting into the Herbology 3 greenhouse, sweat dripping down his face. Luckily, Professor Sprout had her back turned, so she didn't see Remus slid into a seat next to Hermione. After giving her a smile, he turned his attention to Sirius.

"Why do you have to be so cruel, Sirius?" he demanded.

"Because that's who we are. We worship Voldemort daily, and have his mark on our arm," Sirius said, sarcastic as ever. He even rolled his eyes at the last part.

"AHA! More sarcasm!" Harry exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table in excitement, causing Professor Sprout to glare at him.

"Are you going to do that every time someone says something sarcastic?" Hermione asked, in a resigned tone.

"Pretty much!" Harry grinned, like a little kid on Christmas.

"I wouldn't joke about that kind of stuff, Sirius. He could be a real threat someday," Lily warned, always slightly paranoid after an incident in third year. Don't ask. This time, of course, she was right. They just didn't know it yet, lucky ducks.

"I think he's a threat already," Wormtail said, biting his nails anxiously.

"And that's why people call you Chicken Petey. Remmy's braver than you," Harry snapped.

"...but they don't call me Chicken Petey..." Peter said. Eyebrows bent in confusion, the rat animagus scratched his head in bewilderment.

"Well they should! CHICKEN PETEY!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in excitement.

"Thanks, Harry. I feel SOOO much better now," Remus said, making the mistake of using sarcasm.

"Bit of a delayed reaction there, eh Moony?" James grinned.

"Why thank you, Harry. I feel SO much better now. And James? Better late than never," Remus smirked.

"MORE SARCASM! WORSHIP SARCASM! LOVE SARCASM! BE ONE WITH THE SARCASM! BECOME THE SARCASM! HATE NOT THE-," Harry burst out.

"We're going to hate you if you don't cut the sarcasm," James warned, glaring at Harry.

"Awwwwwwww, you love sarcasm, too?" Harry said, excitedly. He was so oblivious...

"NO! I mean, YY-EEE-SSSSS. Of COURSE I LOVE sarcasm, Harry. I completely WORSHIP it," James rolled his eyes.

"Cool! Wanna join the I LOVE SARCASM CLUB?" Harry asked, still not recognizing the sarcasm.

"Er- that was sarcasm," James said, awkwardly.

"Meanie. RON!" Harry sniffed.

"What now?" Ron raised his eyebrows.

"You do realize that you just sounded JUST like 'Mione right there?" Harry questioned, near horrified.

"I ask you -again- what's wrong with being Hermione?" Hermione demanded, putting her hands on her hips, angrily.

"Nothing, 'Mione. Did we mention how fantastic you look today?" Harry and Ron chorused, now panicked.

Hermione threw her hands up in the air and groaned, "Oh, you two are impossible,"

"Thanks!" Harry beamed. Whether he was faking the obliviousness or not, we will never know...

"Yeah! That's the best compliment I've ever gotten!" Ron exclaimed, happily.

"...You don't have much of a life, do you?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Sadly, no," Ron frowned, all previous happiness forgotten.

"That's okay! You can join me in the I Don't Have a Life Club! We sure could use more members," Wormtail offered.

"How many members... exactly?" the red head asked warily.

"Er, just one," he said, awkwardly.

"I'll take a wild guess and say the 'one' is you, Pete?"

"Yep! And if you join, it'll make TWO memebers in the I Don't Have a Life Club!" Wormtail said, in a rush. No one had ever even listened to that small bit before!

"COOL! I'm in!" Ron grinned. This caused Harry to bang his head on the table... one of these days he was going to get brain damage from doing this...

"Yay! Now you're the second stupidest person to join!" Wormtail said, cheerfully.

"...I think I'm out now..."

"I went about it the wrong way, didn't I?" he said, disappointedly.

"Yes, Wormtail, you did," Remus sounded as if he had had this conversation with Wormtail before.

"Pete?" Ron asked, tentatively.

"What?" he replied, warily.

"If I WAS the second stupidest person to join, and you were the first, who founded it?"

"ME!"

"No wonder you don't have a life," Ron shrugged.

"HEY!"

"Great job, Wormtail! You figured out Ronnikins insulted you!" Sirius teased

"Stop it!"

"And THAT'S why you're a nerd, Wormtail!" Sirius laughed.

"SHUT UP!"

"Denial, tisc tisc Wormie. Do I have to say again that Denial is the first step to Nerddom?" Sirius shook his head ruefully.

"NO! Just... stop talking to me!"

"FINE! I'm going to... conspire... er... talk innocently... with Prongs. You ungrateful nerds," Sirius said, stalking off.

"WE ARE NOT NERDS!" Remus and Wormtail shouted indignantly.

"AHA! More sarcasm!" Harry grinned.

"Oh, go bug Moony," Wormtail said, growing nervous again.

"COOL! I like bugging Remmy!" Harry exclaimed.

"Don't call me that!" Remus shook his head, irritated but used to it.

"Awwwwwwww, Remmy doesn't like being called Remmy. What're you going to do about it?" Harry mocked.

"THIS!" Lily said, angrily slapping him in the face.

"OUCH!" Harry glared at Lily, rubbing his cheek.

"HAHA! You got a taste of Lily Madness!" James pointed and laughed.

"Honestly, Harry. You are JUST like James..." Lily shook her head, shamefully.

"That was mean!" Harry pouted.

"What you were doing was mean!" she retorted, crossing her arms.

"Good point..."

"So go apologize to Remus," Lily told him.

"Sorry, Remmy,"

"You should be... I'm going to talk to Hermione. Coming, Lily?" Remus asked.

"Sure!" Lily grinned, and went with Remus.

"Okay, Prongs, how are we going to prank Snivellus next?" Sirius asked.

"Well, you're going to do all the work, but I'm going to come up with the plan," James smirked.

"Why do I always have to do the dirty work?" Sirius pouted.

"You don't! I just don't want to screw things up with Lily before the first date even began!" James justified.

"Fine... besides, doing the dirty work is fun... so, got any ideas?"

"Not at the moment. But we need Moony to make the plan foolproof," James said.

"What about Wormtail?"

"Remember the last time we let Wormtail finalize the plan?" James raised his eyebrows.

"We had detention for two weeks, and I still haven't forgiven him!"

"Yes, so what about you? Do you have anything?" James asked.

Normally, this would be when Sirius would be sarcastic, but you don't joke around when the Marauders are planning something... "I'm thinkin' about it. Hang on, I got something! No, just my stomach. I think I ate too fast..." Sirius said, thoughtfully.

"You ALWAYS eat too fast," James rolled his eyes.

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"Yes you do!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No you don't!"

Or at least, as serious as a 'plotting session' could be with the two Marauders.

"Thank for agreeing with me,"

"I hate you," James shook his head.

"I know! You HATE me!" Sirius said, sarcastically.

"So, you got anything yet?"

"Nope, you?"

"Nope,"

"WAIT! I got something! We make Snivelly eat too fast, and then we spin him around really really fast!" Sirius grinned, ecstatically.

"And?"

"And he pukes!" Sirius finished.

"BRILLIANT!" James exclaimed, high fiving his bestest-buddie.

"Thanks! I'M A GENIOUS! It's my birthday-!"

"PLEASEEEE don't get carried away like last time," James begged, shuddering at the memories.

"Fine," Sirius crossed his arms and pouted.

"So, when do we do it? After dinner?" James asked.

"How about when Moony finalizes it?"

"Works for me!" James high fived Sirius again.

"GREAT! I can't wait for this class to end. After that, it's FREEDOM!"

"Until tomorrow, my friend," James said, just as the bell rang.

"FREEEDDOOOMMMMMMMM!" Sirius shouted, racing out of the classroom, leaving many shocked and bewildered students in his dust.

* * *

Thanks for reading : )


	8. Potions I, Day 2

HI! Thank you to **romdevil**, **P. Amethyst**, and **Hermione09Weasley** for reviewing! You don't know how much I appreciate them!

This is 1st Period, next day. The second potions will be on a separate thing.

Remember to R&R please, but most importantly, ENJOY the chapter!

And as always, I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Chapter Seven: 1st Period - Potions 1

"'ELLO, everyone!" Sirius said, cheerfully sliding into a seat next to James.

"That was a good sneak out trip to Hogsmeade last night! Lily, remember when I dared you to go and tickle McGonagall under the cloak?" James laughed.

"Worst moment of my life," Lily groaned, burying her face in her hands.

"AWWWWW, it wasn't too bad. I thought it was FUNNY. And, you look cute(r) when you're doing something bad like that," James said, and Lily smiled at him.

"I wonder what McGonagall was doing at the Hogs Head..." Remus said, thoughtfully.

"Yeah, she didn't seem like the kind of person to go there," Lily chimed in.

"I know. Do you guys know who the owner of the Hogs Head is?" Remus asked.

"Nope. How would we know?" Lily shrugged.

"Maybe she was under the Imperius Curse!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Maybe she was under a Polyjuice Potion! Padfoot, we've gotta try that some time!" James grinned.

We could give Snivellus detention!"

"We could hex people we don't like and not get in trouble!"

"We could give Moony extra homework!"

"Hey!"

" We could give Snape extra homework! Extra homework times INFINITY! Padfoot?"

"Yeah Prongs?"

"Let's go and get ready to use the Polyjuice Potion!"

"We should've tried this AGES ago!"

"Oh Moony, do you remember what you did with 'Mione last night?" Sirius giggled, barely concealing a smirk.

"Shut up, Padfoot. Not now," Remus said, who was "making eyes" at Hermione.

"YOU MADE OUT WITH 'MIONE FOR A LONG TIME!" Sirius shouted, earning him a glare from Slughorn.

"Hmph," Remus glowered at them all. "One of these days, you'll regret all of this," He warned, shaking his head.

"EVIL! Prongs'll talk to me, right buddy?" Sirius asked.

"Yep!"

All of a sudden, Sirius (yes, it WAS Sirius) had a realization.

"I thought you didn't talk in Potions, Lilykins,"

"I couldn't resist. Besides, I'm gonna get an O in Potions anyways. That ALSO gives me more time to insult you, Black. And Black?"

"Yes, sweet Lilykins?"

"DON'T call me Lilykins EVER again," Lily warned, getting the look on her face when she was just about to hex James for trying to ask her out... or the look she used to have.

"Awww! You gave into the Dark Side of the School, Lily! I'm so proud of you!" James cooed.

Now, just randomly Harry said, "I'm hyper!"

"Oh crap. You had too much sugar at breakfast, didn't you?" Hermione asked, her face paling considerably.

"Yep!" Harry grinned.

"Why is too much sugar bad for him?" Remus asked, curiously.

"'Cause he gets hyper," Ron shuddered.

"Really hyper," Hermione added.

"And he picks on people... more than usual,"

"And he bounces in his seat, and talks really fast,"

"And when we pass notes, his writing comes up as scribbles,"

"And he announces his love for sarcasm,"

"He thinks it's a person!"

"He pretends sarcasm is this chick Sarcasmina, and that Sarcasmina is his girlfriend,"

"He openly snoggs her in front of everyone, and it looks like he's makin' out with the air!"

"And he says, 'Oh, Sarcasmina, I love you, will you marry me?' And when she doesn't say anything, he thinks that Sarcasmina is rejecting him, and runs out of the room, sobbing,"

"And he-," Ron started to speak.

"That's a little more information than I wanted to know," Remus shuddered.

"You're welcome!" Ron laughed.

"Oh, Sarcasmina, will you kiss me?" Harry asked.

"COVER YOUR EYES!" Hermione shrieked and Ron yelled.

"Why is Harry's tongue sticking out at me?" James asked, completely wierded out.

"He's hyper,"

"I LOVE YOU, SARCASMINA! WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

"Who does Harry love?" James asked, dumbfounded.

Ron sighed again.

"Sarcasm. He makes it a girls' name, Sarcasmina, and well, he's pretty much doing it,"

"And here I thought Padfoot was bad!" James exclaimed, horrified.

"HEY! I'm not the one making out with no one-,"

"Sarcasmina," Ron and Hermione corrected simultaneously.

"Fine, Sarcasmina, and bouncing up and down as I make out with 'Sarcasmina'," Sirius burst out indignantly.

"You just don't know her, Padfoot," Harry defended, sniffling.

"Yeah, and people call ME the crazy one," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Because it's true," Remus snickered.

"At least I'm not a NERD," Sirius retorted.

"At least I'm not CRAZY!"

"Better crazy than nerdy,"

"Better nerdy than crazy,"

"Only the nerdy people say that,"

"And only the crazy people say that,"

"STOP ARGUING LIKE A MARRIED COUPLE!" James shouted.

"Sorry Prongs," they chorused.

"That's better," James smiled.

"You know I'm not really sorry," Sirius informed.

"Yeah, not sorry at all," Remus added.

"What are you, a peacemaker?" Sirius said, sarcastically.

"OOOOHHHHH! You said something sarcastic! You're trying to steal my girlfriend! Back off, DOG!" Harry yelled, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius just stared at Harry.

"You're getting the side effects of Lily, Prongs. We need to have a late night bash early," Peter said.

"Wormtail, that might've been your only great idea ever! Come on, Wormie! Let's go plan!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Okay!"

"I'm comin' with!" James laughed.

"Fine," Sirius pouted.

"Oh, and Wormtail?" James said.

"Yeah, Prongs?" Peter asked.

"If you get us detention even for a DAY, this is the last time we'll let you get involved in the planning of a Marauders Plan EVER again. Got it?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, let's plan!" Sirius said.

"Aye aye, Capt'n Padfoot!" Peter replied.

"I'm the captain, not HIM! That DOG! Everybody knows Stags are better than Dogs," James blurted out, indignantly.

"And THAT shows how much you know, Not-Captain Prongs," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"SARCASMINA! COME !" Harry ran after it and out of the room, trying to snog again.

"Oh brother," Ron moaned, while Hermione simply groaned in frustration.

"And McGonagall always says he's the only sane one out of you three," Sirius said.

"I'M MORE SANE THAN HIM!" Hermione yelled, furiously.

"But you went out with Moony. That makes you INsan," Sirius explained.

"Sirius, you'd better sleep with a helmet on tonight," Hermione threatened, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

"But why is that, sweet 'Mionekins?" Sirius said, sweetly.

"Just do it," Hermione snapped.

"Whatever. PRONGS!" Sirius shouted.

"What girl hexed you now, Padfoot?" James sighed.

"Hermione said that I should sleep with a helmet on tonight!"

"And that's bad HOW?" James raised his eyebrows.

"I don't wanna sleep with a helmet on! It'll give my perfect hair helmet hair! NO GIRL WANTS TO GO OUT WITH A GUY WHO HAS HELMET HAIR! MUCH LESS SLEEP'S WITH A HELMET!" Sirius freaked.

"This has overreacting all over it. Ready to go over to the sane side yet, Prongs?" Remus asked.

"Nah, I'll stay on the insane side for a while. Me, Padfoot and Wormie have to plan our next big prank!"

"Not another Make Snivellus Puke plan!" Remus groaned.

"That is exactly why I don't go over to the sane side! You never support my plans!"

"Yeah! It worked perfectly, too!" Sirius added.

"Did you SEE the look on McGonagall's face, Padfoot?"

"YEAH I did! But Snivellus' face was even better!"

"He puked on 5 Ravenclaw girls, Malfoy, Lestrange, Malfoy's dopey girlfriend, a bunch of Slytherin nerds, 2 Hufflepuff boys and 2 Hufflepuff girls!" James grinned.

"Best prank EVER!"

"It was the best site I ever witnessed," Peter said.

"And there's no one I'd rather to it with then you, Pads," James said, wiping a tear from eye.

"Me either, buddy," Sirius agreed, wiping a tear from his eye too. "High five me, Prongsie!"

They high fived.

"What are you two up to that's making you and Black cry like that? It had to be something BIG to make BOTH of you cry," Lily said suspiciously.

"Nothing to fret over, Lilykins!" James smiled.

"Knock it off, Lilykins! I'm a very sensitive person!" Sirius whimpered.

"AHA! Sarcasm!" Ron shouted, pointing at them.

Lily, Sirius, and James all started at Ron in a very familiar "WTF?" expression.

"Well... since Harry's not here, I decided take Harry's place until he gets back... and he gave me 5 Galleons to do it. 2 in advance, and 3 late," Ron said, shrugging as his face heated up.

No one said a word.

"I guess that's why you're called the INsane one," Remus said, awkwardly.

"Planning time?" Sirius asked.

"Planning time," James confirmed.

"WORMTAIL!" they shouted.

"What?"

"Time to go," Sirius said.

"For what...?"

"TO GO PLAN!" James elaborated.

"Oh, right. My bad,"

"CoughNERDcough," Sirius snickered.

"Ignoring Padfoot... Shouldn't we start planning now?"

"My thoughts exactly, Wormie,"

"What about me?" Remus asked.

"You can't come," Sirius said.

"Why not? I'm a Marauder, just like you!"

"But you're not the PLANNING type Marauder. You're more of a Foolproof the Plan type of Marauder," Sirius explained.

"But the sooner I foolproof it, the sooner it gets done,"

"But in order for you to do that, we have to PLAN it first,"

"Stop arguing like a married couple... again! Moony, so long as you promise not to protest against anything we come up with in any way possible, and use your Moony-Power to make our plan foolproof, you can come with us," James said, firmly.

"Yay!"

"Why can't I have Moony-Power?" Sirius whimpered.

"Because you're not Moony. You have Padfoot-Power,"

"COOL! Padfoot-Power is better than Moony-Power, right?"

"Er- no. All three powers, Moony-Power, Padfoot-Power, and Wormtail-Power all go and worship PRONGS-POWER!" James exclaimed, brightly.

"How come my name doesn't come first?" Sirius whimpered again.

"Please, don't make a big deal out of it!" Remus groaned.

"Who says I make a big deal out of it?" Sirius said, getting defensive.

"STOP ARGUING AND START GETTING IDEAS!" James bellowed.

"And you say I overreact, Moony," Sirius said, after a moment's pause.

"ARRRRRGGHHHHHH!" Remus banged his head on the table, just as the bell rang, signaling the end of the class period.

* * *

Thank you for reading! : )


	9. Potions II, Day 2

Hey! I'm really sorry that I haven't posted lately! I've just been too caught up in school and soccer. Also, I haven't had any good ideas for this. If anyone has any ideas that I could use for this story, PLEASE tell me! Anyways, I hope you like it!

I'd like to thank **so not telling** and **Hermione09Weasley** for reviewing! I also haven't been thanking people who put me on their favorites/alert lists. Here they are, and thank you! Hermione09Weasley, Lady-of-the-Ravens, Lily the Marauder, P. Amethyst, cathopes, , romdevil, debs84, so not telling, star-girl05, PressureonPeople, Scotty Cat, and SilverWolf77. Some of you put this story on both, so thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Chapter Eight: Second Period - Potions 2

"So, how do you make a Polyjuice Potion?" Sirius asked.

"I dunno," James shrugged. He turned to Peter. "Wormtail?"

"How do you expect me to know? If you guys don't know, how do you expect me to?" he exclaimed.

"He makes a good point there, Prongs," Sirius said.

"Exactly. So there's only one other person we can ask,"

"Do we have to?" Sirius pouted.

"Yes,"

"MOOOOOOONNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" James hollered.

"What is it THIS time?" Remus asked, partially afraid. This wasn't the first time he was called over to hear whatever ridiculous scheme they came up with.

"Help us make a Polyjuice Potion," James demanded, adding on a "Please?" at the end.

"Oh, fine, but only if Padfoot keeps his jokes about me to himself,"

"Padfoot...?" James raised his eyebrows, a vaguely threatening look in his eye.

"It ain't worth it," he shrugged.

James said nothing, but if glares could kill, Sirius would have been dead a long time ago.

"Fine. Meanies. I'll keep my good jokes about Moony being a nerd to myself,"

"I'm sure Moony thanks you, Padfoot,"

"Whatever. Come on, guys. We'll steal some supplies for a Polyjuice Potion after dark," Remus said. He was used to Sirius' attitude by now...

"Moony, you have a good plan, but around here, I CALL THE SHOTS!" Sirius exclaimed, reaching for his wand.

Remus did nothing but back away very slowly...

"I thought I called the shots around here!" James glared.

"Not anymore you don't," Sirius smirked.

"Best two outta three,"

"You're on,"

"Have you ever noticed that those two argue a lot?" Peter asked.

"No dip, Sherlock," Remus rolled his eyes. He then proceeded to bang his head on the desk as Peter asked, "Who's Sherlock?"

"HA! I WIN!" James shouted, victoriously.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Best 5 outta 7!" Sirius demanded.

"Nuh uh. I won! Live with it!" James shook his head earnestly.

"You won't play me because you're chicken!"

"Can't you two EVER play Rock, Paper, Scissors without getting in a fight? I regret teaching you that game to begin with..."

"Nope,"

"Never, nerdy wolf,"

"GO MOONY POWER!"

"And that's why you're a nerd," Sirius said, shaking his head.

"Look again," Remus smirked.

"! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?"

"I used Moony-Power and gave you helmet hair,"

"!" In this portion, it's better to say that than the string of profanities erupting out of Sirius' mouth.

"Way to go, Moony! You've finally came over to the Dark Side of the School!" James said, high fiving Remus.

"Crud!"

"You should be proud, Moony! Going to the Dark Side of the School is a great honor!"

"Whatever. I can't take Padfoot much more. Prongs, if anyone asks, tell them I went to Dairy Queen,"

"Dairy- WHAT?"

"It's a Muggle ice cream place. They have all sorts of different types of ice cream, and even some hot food! It's good," Lily explained, patiently.

"Do they have a broom closet?" Sirius asked.

"Nooooo..." Lily shook her head.

"Not interested,"

Lily stuck her tongue out at Sirius and made a face at him when she thought he wasn't looking.

"Go eat my dust!"

"How can I eat your dust if you're not smart enough to know where you're going?"

"Good point..." James butted in.

"HEY! You're my best friend! You're supposed to be on MY side! Not your GIRLFRIENDS side! Bros before hoes, man,"

"I just said, good point! What harm is there in that? Lily, Padfoot, I will NEVER choose a side between you two. That's Moony and Wormtail's job," James said, defending himself.

"No it isn't!" Remus exclaimed, before coughing(I WOULD SIDE WITH LILY ANYWAYS).

"Thanks, Remus!" Lily grinned, smirking at Sirius.

"HEY! Some best friend you are!"

"Don't worry, Padfoot. I'll side with you!" Peter said, ever the suck-up.

"Thanks, Wormtail! Unlike Moony, you're a good friend,"

"Have any of you seen Harry? We haven't seen him anywhere since his imaginary girlfriend dumped him," Ron asked, putting an end to the argument that would've somehow landed all of them a detention for various reasons.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get worried," Hermione added.

"Ron, you need your eyes OPEN to look for him," Sirius rolled his own eyes dramatically.

"... HEY!"

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Ron.

"Best two outta three," Ron stated.

Sirius was silent for a moment, then exclaimed, "You're on!"

"Has Sirius ever had a problem with Rock Paper Scissors before?" Hermione asked.

"Yep. He's been obsessed with it ever since Moony taught the game to us this summer," James explained.

"Oh... why is he obsessed?"

"Cause he always looses," Remus said.

"I can understand losing to Prongsie, but RONNIEKINS?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." James said, before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

Remus stuck his tongue out at Sirius, before joining James in laughing.

"Don't you guys EVER let me win?"

"We actually tried it a couple times, and you still lost," Moony said, shrugging.

"Black, how can you be THAT bad at Rock, Paper, Scissors? You get a 33 percent chance of winning!" Lily giggled.

"He's just that bad, Lily. He even tried cheating, and that didn't work," James said.

"How can you cheat at Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out,"

"Oh, wow,"

"MOONY'S A DORK!" Sirius shouted.

"I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?" Remus retorted, just as loudly.

"Touche. Best 5 outta 7,"

"Fine," Remus smirked, already knowing the outcome.

James started a countdown.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one-,"

* * *

"Ha! I'll bet you even Wormtail could beat you at Rock, Paper, Scissors!" Remus laughed.

"No! He can't! I can beat Wormtail, Moony!" Sirius defended himself.

"No, you can't," Remus stated.

"Yes I can!" he insisted.

"I dare you," Remus said, raising his eyebrows- already knowing how this would go down in the history books.

"Wormtail!" Sirius snapped.

"What did I miss THIS time?" Peter yawned, aroused from his nap.

"Mainly Padfoot being creamed in Rock, Paper, Scissors," Remus said.

"Oh. And now you want me to play him?" Peter guessed. Maybe he wasn't as stupid as he looked... no, that wasn't it.

"Bingo," Remus snapped his fingers. Perhaps all hope wasn't lost for Peter.

"Best two outta three," Sirius said.

"You're on,"

FIVE SECONDS LATER...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sirius groaned.

Peter, on the other hand, was exuberant in his first-ever win.

"Yay! Scissors beats paper, OOHHHH!"

FIVE MORE EXCRUCIATING SECONDS LATER...

"HA! Rock beats scissors!" Sirius grinned.

THE MOST AND LAST FIVE EXCRUCIATING SECONDS LATER...

"!" Only this time, it was Peter.

"YES! Paper beats rock!"

"I still don't get how paper beats rock," James said, scratching his head.

"That's just how it is, James," Lily said, shrugging.

"But that's just how it is doesn't make any sense!"

"I never said that it did,"

"True... so how DOES paper beat rock?"

I just told you that I don't know. I didn't make up the game!"

"Oh, right... you just came from a Muggle family, so I'd thought you'd know more about it than Moony does,"

"I come from a Muggle family too, ya know!"

"Noooooooooooooo, you're a half-blood! Your dad's a Muggle, and your mom's a witch!" Sirius corrected.

"Oh yeah, I think that's right. Shame on me, for not knowing my family history," Remus said, sarcastically.

"It took you that long to figure it out?"

"Piss off,"

"Go be a nerd somewhere else," Sirius said.

"Fine. And for the record, I AM NOT A NERD!" Remus exclaimed.

"Must we have the talk about Denial again, Moony?"

"... "

MEANWHILE...

"You think I'm smarter than Remus, James?" Lily asked, surprised.

"Of course, Lily! Moony would never have the courage to hex us when we do something horrible to Sni-Snape! Which reminds me, tell Snape to sleep with a helmet on tonight,"

"Why...?" Lily raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

"A precaution is all! And tell him to shower more often! That would definitely help him with girls, too,"

"I'll keep that in mind..."

"SUS-PI-CIOUS!" Sirius burst out.

"PLEASE go away, Padfoot. This is a private conversation!" James said.

"Fine. It's clear you don't want me here. NO ONE DOES!"

"I said, PLEASE, Padfoot. When do I ever say PLEASE?"

"And if you told Lord Voldemort to go away PLEASE, would he do it?"

"PISS OFF, BLACK!"

"Fine. You're all very, very mean today,"

"He's crazy,"

"I know,"

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, WORMTAIL! I HATE YOU! CURSE THIS STUPID MUGGLE GAME! IT'S YOUR FAULT, MOONY! YOU BROUGHT IT UP OVER THE SUMMER! YOU ALL HATE ME!"

"Yeah, sure. When everything goes wrong for Padfoot, blame Moony,"

"!"

"Now that's just wrong," James said. "Someone forgot to scrub your mouth with soap when you were a kid, Padfoot,"

"SAAARRRRR-,"

"Don't even THINK about it," James said, firmly.

"Yeah, Ron, that's Harry's job," Hermione said.

"But Harry's not here, 'Mione. Someone has to take over his wierd job. And I'm finally taking responsibility!" Ron said.

"Yeah, after seven years of knowing you, you finally act responsible. I refuse to believe that," Hermione said.

"Now that's just mean, 'Mione," Ron pouted.

"James, uh, what are you planning on doing with the Polyjuice Potion?" Lily asked.

"Uh, nothing, sweet Lilykins! For, uh, extra credit for, uh, Wormtail! He DESPERATELY needs it,"

"Suree... not that I believe your obvious lie, or anything,"

"Uhm, it's Peter. I thought you knew that, Lilykins,"

"Noooooooo, I didn't. But thanks for telling me. Uh, James?"

"Yes, sweet Lilykins?"

"Are you tired of Ronald over there announcing sarcasm every time we say it?"

"Yeah... it's sort of Harry's thing, in my opinion,"

"What would you say I suggested that we officially ban sarcasm?"

"Uh, I would say, that, uh, it's a great idea! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMOOOOOORRRRREEEEEEEEEEE RRRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!"

Lily giggled. "So, should we go for it?"

"Uh, YEAH! If I tell you it's a great idea, that usually means a YES!"

"Usually," the red headed beauty coughed.

James rolled his eyes. "Whatever, be the pessimist,"

"GUYS, FROM THIS MOMENT ON, NO MORE SARCASM IS ALLOWED!" Lily announced, loudly. No, they most certainly were ~not in a class at that moment in time. Nosiree.

"I SECOND THAT!" James agreed, hugging Lily.

"!" what came out of Ron's mouth next is best left like that.

"Have either of you seen Padfoot?" Remus asked.

"Nope, I haven't, actually," James said, curiously.

"No. Why would you ask that?" Lily asked. She had never been fond of Sirius ever since he cheated on her best friend and whatnot.

"Because I haven' t seen him since Wormtail beat him at Rock, Paper, Scissors, and Pr-James and Lily told him to piss off, which in my opinion, isn't very nice,"

"Well, is Padfoot nice?" Lily prompted.

"Not really... but he has his EXTREMELY rare moments now and then," Remus replied.

"There you go," Lily shrugged.

"Great. Now we lost one of our Marauders. WORMTAIL! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" James shouted.

"Yay, I'm not being blamed for this one!" Remus cheered.

"How is it my fault? It was Moony who dared Padfoot to play me," Peter whimpered.

"I hate you, Wormtail," Remus banged his head on his desk.

"Oh, I know,"

"MOONY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" James shouted, rounding on his other best friend.

"So you're saying that Black is gone?" Lily raised her eyebrows, looking for confirmation.

"Yeah..." Remus frowned.

"... How is that a bad thing?" she asked.

James gasped, while Remus and Peter stared at Lily with their jaws on the floor.

"What?"

"Lily, how could you?" James whimpered.

"OOOHHHHH, how about a celebration party later?" Lily started jumping up and down in excitement of Sirius' unplanned departure.

James glared at her and whispered something to Remus.

"What is it, James?" Lily asked, finally catching on.

"How could you? Pa- Sirius is my best friend!"

"Oh. So you're saying I made a mistake- freaking out like that, you mean?" Lily realized what she had done, and had the decency to look ashamed. Or at least, a little. She had good reason to dislike Sirius.

"Yeah. I hate all your weird friends, but I put up with them! Why can't you put up with Sirius?"

"Because my friends don't taunt you every second of your life,"

"BUT THEY FLIRT WITH ME! THEY'RE HORRIBLE, UGLY FLIRTERS, LILY! THEY BLONG IN AZKABAN!" James shouted, his right eye twitching unnaturally.

"MY FRIENDS DON'T BELONG IN AZKABAN! Wait- did you just say that they FLIRTED with you, when they knew quite clearly that I was going out with you?"

"Yep. IT WAS SCARY, LILY! EVEN SIRIUS WOULD'VE RUNNED AWAY!"

"Stupid friends. I never knew..."

"THEY MAULED ME, LILY! I'M PERMENANTELY SCARRED FOREVER! I HATE YOUR FRIENDS!"

"I'm beginning to see your point, James. I never thought that they would do something like that..."

"Now that you're done, can we PUH-LEASE get back to the situation of finding Padfoot and Harry?" Remus brought Lily out of her sadness and stopped James from making a scene. Which he kind of already had, but... he stopped it before it grew worse.

"Oh, I'm okay with leaving Harry. HE SCARED ME, LILY AND MOONY! TOO MUCH SARCASM! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THE HORROR!" James exclaimed.

"Oh, grow up, would you?" Remus groaned, slamming his head on the desk again.

"Are you kidding? I like him immature like this. He's cute," Lily giggled.

"Great, thanks Lily. Now he'll never stop,"

"You're welcome!"

"Um, Ron and I care about Harry. So yes, we're all looking for both Sirius and Harry," Hermione interjected.

"You mean Prongs Jr, right 'Mione?" Ron corrected, cluelessly as he ate some pie.

Everyone else was silent for a moment, staring at Ron in shock, before shouting, "WHAT DID YOU SAY, RON?"

"I uh, said, uh, you mean Kronk Jr, right 'Mione?"

Hermione glared at Ron furiously. If looks could kill... "Um, yes, everyone, that's what he said. You mean Kronk Jr, right 'Mione?" she did her best imitation of Ron's voice.

"You two are horrible liars, you know that?" Lily said, seeing through their act.

"Oh, piss off. We're telling the truth!" Ron snapped. This time it was Hermione who banged her head on the desk.

Lily gasped, and reached for her wand...

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT LILY, RONALD! ONLY I CAN INSULT THE GREAT LILYKINS! LILY, USE YOUR LILY-POWER!" James yelled, flipping out on Harry.

Lily could only stare at James blankly, not having any clue what he was talking about.

"...Fine. I'll use my Prongs-Power. GO PRONGS POWER!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! JAMES, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" Ron exclaimed, horrified.

"I made the back of your robe say, I LOVE MY MOMMY AND I SLEEP WITH A NIGHT LIGHT CAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK! And in bright, glowing red letters, too!"

Ron chose a very few select words for James, and pretty much screamed them in his face.

Peter, growing nervous and twitchy with all the fighting, in an attempt to change the subject asked, "Isn't the bell supposed to ring right about now?"

"Yeah, it is, Wormtail... I wonder if Dumbledore broke it when he was flying on his broomstick on high sugar in his office all alone this morning after he had ten cans of Coca-Cola and one whole box of Lucky Charms and a whole jar of sugar," Remus agreed, jumping on a chance to change the subject. Things would get pretty messy...

"WWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?" Pretty much everyone shouted.

"... It's a long story. You're better off not knowing," Remus said.

"What about finding Harry and Sirius?" Hermione asked.

"Oh yeah! Come on, guys! Lets go ditch Harry and find Padfoot!" James grinned, excitedly; all thoughts of the previous fight forgotten. Looking at Remus, James added, "Well, if the bell doesn't ring, I guess it'll haveta wait till next period, right Moonykins?"

"Right, Prongsie!" Remus said.

"Why is it that I'm always excluded?" Peter whimpered.

"Oh, that's because nobody likes you. I'M KIDDING, WORMTAIL!" James rolled his eyes. "God, some people just can't take a joke,"

Wormtail's reply, which sounded something like, "Oh, piss off," was drowned out by the bell ringing.

"YAY! NO MORE POTIONS TILL TOMORROW!" Prongs cheered.

"Isn't it GREAT?" Padfoot grinned.

"...Padfoot?" James asked, confusedly.

"Oh, right. I'm supposed to be in hiding. Buh-bye, Prongsie-poo! This was all A PART OF YOUR IMAGINATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN,"

"...Prongsie-poo?" Lily snickered.

"Don't ask," James sighed.

"Aren't we supposed to be going now?" Remus hinted.

"Oh, right. Sorry Moony. UNTIL NEXT TIME, FELLOW READERS!" James waved.

"What's that supposed to mean- we have readers?" Lily asked, suspiciously pouncing on that.

"I have no idea. I've always wanted to say that, though!"

The classroom was already pretty much abandoned, apart from James and Lily.

"Come on. Let's go, honeybunches," James grinned, wrapping his arm casually around Lily's waist.

Lily rolled her eyes and chose to let that one go.

"Okay," she said, smiling.

* * *

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. :)


	10. Astronomy, Day 2

I'd like to thank Violet44, romdevil, P. Amethyst, Lily the Marauder, Hermione09Weasley, so not telling for reviewing, and Remusindisguise for putting me on their alerts list! If I forgot anyone or misspelled anyone's name, please let me know.

Without further ado, I give you the next chapter to the story!

(see previous chapter for disclaimer.)

* * *

Chapter Nine: 3rd Period: Astronomy; Day II

"So where should we first start looking for Padfoot?" James asked.

"I don't know. Maybe we should try the Shrieking Shack first," Hermione suggested.

"That's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?" James asked.

"Maybe it's because you don't think," Remus rolled his eyes.

"I resent that," James glared at Remus.

"You should,"

"... NERRDDDDD,"

"So WHEN do we look for Harry?" Ron asked.

"After classes, of course," Hermione said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, after classes," Remus agreed. Lily nodded her head in agreement with the two.

"But I wanted to look for him during classes," James frowned.

"So did I," Ron said, agreeing with James.

"I can't. I get bad enough grades as it is, so I vote after class," Peter said.

"Moony can tutor you, Wormie. Moony might as well put his smartness to work," James said.

"Sure, I guess, but if he starts crying, I'm leaving," Remus agreed.

"Fair enough," James shrugged.

"Yay. I vote during classes, too!"

"Just great. We have a tie. Whatever shall we do?" James moaned.

"Just what we need. Now we'll never agree on when," Hermione sighed.

"Come on, Lily. Change your vote?" James begged.

"No. I'm not deliberately ditching class," Lily stated, firmly.

"Please, for me, Lily? You're smart enough to afford to ditch class. Just one time? Pretty please with a banana cream sundae on top? I'll take you to a broom closet afterwards, if you like!"

"Well... okay. But don't come crying to me when we get caught. And... banana cream sundae?" Lily gave in, much to Remus and Hermione's displeasure.

"Deal. Thank you, Lily! Oh, and my cousin taught me that. He's in mental health care now," James explained.

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with. I can see why he's in mental health care, if he spent any time at all with you,"

"It all happened on his 15th birthday... he was trying to hex me cause I stole his undies and wrote 'I'M ZACHARY POTTER, I'M SEVENTEEN AND I PLAY WITH BARBIE DOLLS AND I LIKE IT! And then, I hung them in a place where everyone could see them,"

"Where did you hang them; on a flagpole?"

"Nope! On his butt!" James giggled uproariously.

"Oh my God. Then what happened?"

"His father -my dad's in-law- found out,"

"And...?"

"He's a big man, Lily,"

"Elaborate please...?"

"He found out who put the sign on his butt,"

"He was so angry, he tried to punch me, I ducked, and accidentally punched Zachie in the head, who was behind me. Zachie was startled, and was knocked into the wall behind him, and landed in the glass case to his right. For some reason, he went mental right after that,"

"Ouch. I'm sorry, James, but it was... kinda funny!" and Lily promptly burst into a fit of giggles.

"I know! You should've seen the face of Zachie's dad when he saw the sign on his butt! It was hilarious!"

"It must've been! But, what happened to Zachary's dad?"

"He got sent to Azkaban for five years for child abuse!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. This coming July 16th is his final day in Azkaban!"

"Are you worried he'll come after you?"

"Not really. P- Siri and I will hex him into oblivion if he tries anything!"

"Cool. Good luck with that!"

"Isn't it? And we don't need luck, we've got SKILL,"

"What happened to Zachary's mom?"

"After Zachie went mental, she went psycho and jumped off a cliff. A very big cliff. She was never seen again,"

"Oh. I'm sorry, James,"

"It's okay. Mum did have a nasty fit when she found out about her sister. Especially when she found out it was me who put the sign on Zackie's butt that set everything off,"

"What happened then?"

"I was grounded for all vacations until my 7th year! But me n' Sirius still snuck out anyways," he laughed.

"When did that happen?"

"In my 3rd year,"

"Oh..." Lily said, trailing off. Third year was when he had first started asking her out.

"Yeah, I know,"

"So do we skip 4th Period, or do it during lunch?" Ron asked, interrupting.

"We should get it while the trail's still hot; meaning that we should ditch 4th Period," James said, immediately.

"You're just doing that because History of Magic is next!" Lily glared.

"Face it. That ghost is a total bore. Don't tell me you haven't fallen asleep at least once in that class!" James exclaimed.

"Weeeeeeelllllll, I DID do it once in my first year, come to think of it. So, 4th Period it is," Lily agreed, albeit reluctantly.

"I'm not ditching class!" Hermione stated, indignantly and firmly.

"Fine, then. While you suffer through History of Magic, a subject that you could actually die from boredom, everyone else will be doing something useful, for once. I still can't see how you LIVE through that class," Ron said.

"Oh, all right, I'll go. But I still don't like the sound of it. And how will we be able to pull it off?"

"Binns is too daft to realize people are sleeping; how could he realize that people aren't there?" James said, reasonably.

"I CAN see that happening," Hermione said, still wanting to go to class.

"Now that we've all established that we're ditching next class, what do we do now?" Remus asked.

"Oh, damn it, Moony! I forgot about the map!" James exclaimed, cursing.

"Of course! Why didn't we think of that before?" Wormtail threw in.

"It's your inability to think that's causing you to suffer," James said.

Wormtail let out a squeak and otherwise remained silent.

"Who had the map last, Moony?" James asked.

"I think it was... Padfoot," Remus realized, and banged his head on the desk.

"WHAT? Why did Padfoot need the map?" James burst out, frustrated.

"How am I supposed to know what goes on in Padfoot's demented mind?" Remus shrugged.

"You have a point, but still..."

"If I had to guess, I'd say that he needed it to play a prank on Snivellus, or some other Slytherins. More than likely, it was Bellatrix Lestrange," the werewolf evaluated.

"Ah, even better points. It's fun torturing Snivellus, but Lestrange... do you remember the time we cursed her nose so that she had an elephant trunk, and replaced her ears with devil horns?"

"How could I forget? Her expression when she realized that was priceless!"

"Totally. Did we get that one on camera?"

"I think Padfoot got one!"

"Sweet! What about the time we recorded Lucius and Narcissa on a date, and how we blackmailed them later?"

"Ahh. That was one of the best things we did. Oh, the memories," James sighed, nostalgically.

"I didn't like those methods, but the results WERE effective," Remus nodded, smiling wistfully at the "good old" days.

"Would someone please tell me what you're talking about?" Lily demanded (nicely, of course).

"Oh, just reminiscing good times, Lilykins,"

"Like what?" she asked, curiously.

"Oh, you know. Pranks, Quidditch, etcetera," James explained.

"Oh... What kind of pranks?" Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, Lily. You think you know all of the stuff we did but-," James smirked.

"Like blackmailing Lucius and Narcissa?" she said, raising her eyebrows again.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?

"I didn't. I made that up, and you cracked," Lily said, and promptly burst into laughter.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" James exclaimed, banging his head on the desk.

"Shame on you, Prongs, for falling for a novelty trick such as that," Remus tsked.

"Whatever. I'm gonna see if I can find the Map after class," James said, resigned. If Sirius had the Map, they were doomed. Sirius was beast at hide and seek.

"Okay, I'll help you," Remus volunteered.

"Me too," Wormtail agreed.

"Uh, it might not be best if you helped, Wormtail. You should probably uh... stay with Hermione, Ron, and Lily," Remus said, uncertainly.

"But why?" Wormtail asked, half whimpering.

"Just because, because, BECAUSE! Wouldn't it look suspicious if three Marauders were saying, 'Accio Map', everywhere?" Remus explained, patiently.

"I guess..." Wormtail sighed, desolately. If they would have just included him more, treated him more equally...

"What map, you guys?" Lily asked.

"Uh, just a map of the school, Lilykins, so that we don't get lost," James said. Well, it wasn't a total lie.

"Oh, um, okay. But don't you know the school like the back of your hand by now?" Lily said, knowing he was leaving some details out.

"As a matter a fact, I do know the school area pretty well. But we need the map because- uh... M- Remmy, you take it from here!" James stuttered, his smooth talk failing him under Lily's stern glare.

"Thanks Prongs," Remus said, sarcastically.

"You're welcome!"

"Well, Remus?" Lily looked at him expectantly.

"Well, obviously... we need the Map in case we get separated or lost. Even Pr- James needs the Map sometimes,"

"Oh, okay," Lily said. She wasn't fooled- she knew they were keeping information from her about that map. But she wasn't going to be a bitch about it.

"Oh, God! I completely forgot the time!" James cried out, suddenly panicked.

"What is it?" Remus asked, afraid of the answer.

"It's Flirt With Lily And Try To Get A Date With Her Time!" James said, brightly.

"WHAT?" Remus shouted. Then he remembered. "Oh- I remember now. I forgot; I thought you would stop after she agreed,"

"You actually have a schedule that says when and when not to try and get me to go out with you?" Lily said, completely shocked.

"Uh, yeah," James said, uncertainly.

"Why am I not surprised, now that I think about it? That is... really sweet!" Lily said, almost blushing.

"I know it is, isn't it? Moony, I told you that my obsession with Lily would pay off someday!"

"Whatever, Prongs,"

"You're just sour cause you're not right! You told me that Lily would kill me if she found out about that!"

"That was before I agreed to go out with you. If I found out about the schedule before that, I probably would have hurt you; badly, at that," Lily explained.

"Ha! I told you!" Remus laughed successfully, while James pouted.

"Wormtail?" Ron said, unemotionally.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I hate you,"

"What? Why?" he squeaked, alarmed and indignant.

"Wormtail, everyone hates you. I thought you knew that already," James sighed.

"Oh yeah, I remember now," Wormtail spoke.

"That surprises me. Greatly," Hermione said.

"Yeah; I thought you didn't have a brain to remember things for," Ron added.

"Real funny, Ronald,"

"Actually, I've analyzed the grades you get for different subjects, and how popular you are, and, well, you have no brain,"

"WHAT? I DOOOO have a brain!"

"Whatever 'Mione says is true! She's never wrong! Believe me. Sometimes, it can get both scary and annoying," Ron said, as an afterthought.

"You know, I'm right here, Ronald. I can read every word you're saying," Hermione said with a glare.

"Oh. I'm just gonna- RUN!"

"Yeah! You'd better run!" She began chasing after him; the teacher left the room to talk to Professor McGonagall about something confidential.

"Help!" Ron screeched as a furious Hermione raced after him determinedly.

"You're on your own, mate," James said, leaning back in his seat.

"Agreed. I don't want an angry, near crazy girl after me," Remus added, leaning back in his chair as well.

"Gasp! How dare you, Moony! Hermione's your girlfriend!"

"Oh, uh, right. My bad," Remus shrugged.

"Really, Remus. You should be more considerate to those you're willing to date. And I still don't understand why you don't like dating; no one ever understood why you never dated before,"

"That's- a reason you'll hopefully never find out, Lils. If you knew, you'd understand," Remus said.

"You won't tell... me? You know you can trust me," Lily said, slightly hurt.

"I know, but... I'm- I'm not just ready to tell anyone else yet,"

"Yeah! It was really easy for us- you just have to observe carefully, and I mean- Carefully, and you can figure it out, quick!" James said, brightly.

"Yeah, it took you almost one school year to figure it out," Remus rolled his eyes.

"Hey, it was Christmas! That just half of the school year! And anyways- the Spring Break is more like almost the entire school year,"

"It was in the middle, between Christmas and Spring Break!" Remus argued.

"Sure it was, Moons. Sure it was," James patted him on the back.

"I just had to pick sarcastic friends, didn't I?" Remus sighed.

"Yup!" James said, cheerfully.

"Even I'm sarcastic!" Lily laughed.

"Hermione isn't!" Ron said, pausing in his running to say that, before continuing again.

"I'm glad. Most sarcastic people are just- ugghhh. Mostly, they're just obnoxious people, attempting to be funny and "cool", and failing miserably," Hermione said, stopping. Apparently she viewed that as a compliment and decided to stop her intentions of killing Ron.

"You're talking like McGonagall! Like a grownup!" James yelped, hazel eyes growing wide.

"What's wrong with that?" there was a dangerous, threatening tone to Hermione's voice that anyone who even _remotely_ had a brain would back off.

"OH MY GOD, MY BEST FRIEND IS AN ADULT! ! And, you do realize that you just called Harry—that, too," Ron freaked.

"No I- actually, I just did! I can't believe it!" Hermione exclaimed, horrified.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Hermione! Shame on you!" Ron tsked.

"Actually, she said 'most sarcastic people', not 'all sarcastic people', meaning that she wasn't talking about Harry the Sarcastic Kid," Remus said, coming to Hermione's rescue.

"But she implied that she thought Harry was all of that!" James insisted.

"But she never officially said-," James began.

"Oh, just stop arguing about it! It's driving me mad!" Lily exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Ah, my Lilykins, you are already mad." James said, in an omniscient tone.

"What are you talking about? I'm perfectly un-mad." Lily snapped.

"Aahhhhhhhh, but you agreed to go out with me, something you hated about a week ago, making you mad now!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh, maybe I am already mad! Not mad angry, but mad as in crazy and insane."

"Yep, you are!" James said, laughing.

"Only you would try and convince your girlfriend that she's mad," Remus rolled his eyes – how is he _not_ used to this yet?

"Except Padfoot. He'd be able to kiss two, three, or four different girls in less than an hour, and not one of those girls would even show disproval!" Peter chimed in randomly.

"Except Padfoot, you're right, for once, Wormtail." Remus nodded.

"Yay! I'm right! And, Padfoot probably would date three or four different girls at the same time, have sex with them all in one night, and get away with it, too." Peter said, confidence growing just a _little _and _maybe_ getting carried away_._

"OH MY GOD, WORMTAIL!" James burst out, shaking his head.

"You shouldn't say stuff like that Wormtail. It's just not right." Remus warned.

"But what about Ashley, Rebecca, Sarah, Kailey, Serena—"

"But that's enough, Wormtail! Maybe you might've forgotten, but there are three non-Marauders here that shouldn't know that!" the werewolf glared.

"Kristen, Lucy, Vanessa, Amanda—"

"THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WE DISCUSS IN PUBLIC, WORMTAIL! MIGHT I ADD THAT THREE GIRLS ARE HERE WITH US- LILY, HERMIONE, AND RON?" James yelled.

"Caitlin, Natalie, Lindsey—"

"Actually, I'm a guy." Ron sniffed, insulted.

"Becky, Helena, Natasha—"

"You are? I didn't know that. Apologies, my friend," James said, sincerely.

"Samantha, Amber, Stephanie—"

"I hate you." Ron said, and shook his head in a joking manner.

"Sarah, Jackie, Selena—"

"COOL!" James grinned.

"Zoey, Yolanda, Lola—"

"That's a bad thing, James." Lily sighed. These people were so abnormal…

"Jessika, Brittany, Nicole—"

"I know!" James grinned – if it were possible – even wider.

"Katie, Rachel, Gabriella—"

"You're insane!" Lily said.

"Hayley, Gia, Hayley, Courtney, Erin—"

"Why so are you!" James responded.

"Erika, Kellie, Crystal, Cheyenne—"

"THAT'S ENOUGH, WORMTAIL! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT IN PUBLIC? NEED I REMIND YOU, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WE ONLY SPEAK OF THIS WHEN THERE IS NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER OF PEOPLE HEARING ABOUT IT?" Remus promptly exploded on "poor" Peter.

"Ummm… a lot. Sorry, Moony. It won't happen again." Peter squeaked, sheepishly.

"It better not," he snapped.

"WORMTAIL'S A PERVERT!" James snickered.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, noticing all the yelling.

"WORMTAIL'S A PERVERT!" James giggled again.

"We already know that. Now seriously, what's going on?" Hermione repeated.

"Oh, we're just talking about how many—" Peter was going to say.

"Brussels sprouts we can eat at once!" James interrupted Peter, thankfully.

"Brussels sprouts...?" Lily said, disbelievingly shaking her head.

"Yep! I love my Brussels sprouts!" he nodded, emphatically.

"Uh, yup! Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm, Brussels sprouts."

Hermione gave them all weird look) "O-kay... you guys DO know that Brussels sprouts are disgusting, right?"

"We love our disgusting foods, Hermione dearest! Once- in our 5th year, Siri had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a banana, doritoes, lettuce, french fries, and chocolate ice cream! Although, the chocolate ice cream turned out to be dog poo." James explained, enthusiastically.

"EW, JAMES! You just made me lose any appetite I had!" Hermione crossed her arms and glared.

"Cool!" James giggled.

"So, Hermione?" Ron asked, timidly-ish.

"Yeah, Ron?" Hermione raised her eyebrows.

"Uh, never mind,"

"Okay..."

"RONNIEKIN'S IS A PERVERT!" James exclaimed, overhearing the exchange.

"Ew, James!" Hermione looked like she would've smacked James if she could get away with it.

"What gave you that impression?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows.

"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS, LILY? RON WAS GONNA ASK 'MIONE OUT, BUT THEN STOPPED!" James shouted.

"Ew, Ron! You know I'm going out with Remus!" Hermione exclaimed.

"I WAS NOT! I'M GOING OUT WITH LAVENDER! I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT! I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOU WOULD HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK! THANKS A LOT, JAMES!" Ron yelled, ears turning red.

"You're welcome!" James said, not-too-brightly.

"Ugghhh. You're all insane!" Lily shook her head.

"Need I remind you, again?" James asked.

"No! I need some de-insaning potion. This week has been crazy." Lily said.

"I'm crazy! You're crazy! Dumbiedorie's crazy! Voldie's crazy! WE'RE ALL CRAZY!" James shouted, madly.

"Now I see where Harry gets his hyper problem from. I didn't think Lily was the type to do that," Hermione commented to herself.

"I'm glad at least someone thinks I haven't gone mad," Lily said, thankfully.

"As much as I don't want to, James has a point. Something about this week seems very off... Wrong? Strange? Disgruntling? Maybe we HAVE all gone nuts." Hermione pondered, thoughtfully.

"Cool! I'm right!" James grinned.

Remus sighed. Was he already growing too old for this?

"I miss Padfoot," Peter sighed.

"So do I. I miss his highly entertaining, not-obnoxious sarcasm," James agreed.

"I don't," Remus said, smiling.

"I want this period to end," James said, firmly.

"Why does it seem that when you want something to end, it always seems to last forever, and when you don't want something to end, it flies past?" Lily asked, thoughtfully.

"Yeah, that's a good description," James nodded, fervently.

"TEN MINUTES LEFT!" Ron grinned.

"Yes!" Hermione smiled.

"That settles it. I'm just walking out," James said.

"No, you're not! At least fake sick or _something_." Remus sighed.

"Fine…" James pouted.

(TWO MINUTES LATER)

"He just walked out, didn't he?" Remus sighed, again.

"Yep. Sneak out is more like it. He must really care about Black," Lily stated, thoughtfully.

"Yeah. They're like brothers," Remus said.

"No, really. I hadn't noticed," Lily rolled her eyes, just a _touch_ of sarcasm in her voice.

"Why do I have to hang out with sarcastic people?" Remus groaned.

"I dunno. The sarcastic people are the only ones who can stand you?" Lily guessed.

"I guess so. Wait... people can't stand me?"

"I'm joking, don't worry about it!"

"Oh, okay, Lils."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, Lilykins."

"Or that."

"Fine, LILY."

"That's better," she said, with a smile.

"ONE MORE SECOND!" Ron grinned.

"And now we're off on our greatest adventure together as of yet!" Remus said.

"Yay!" Lily smiled.

"Let's go!" Ron said, in relief.

"Finally!" Hermione sighed.

"Huzzah!" Peter exclaimed.

Everyone stared at him, completely silent.

"It's a saying, you know, like Hurrah? The British army says it—"

"Just stop talking, Wormtail," Remus sighed, heavily.

"Yeah. You're ruining the celebrative moment," Ron chimed in.

"Celebrative?" Hermione echoed, raising her eyebrows.

"Fine. Wormtail's ruining the happy moment,"

There we go!"

"We're going on a quest to find the lost Harry and Black! Woohoo! Okay… not Black," Lily said, laughing.

Remus glared at her.

"Fine. And Black," she pouted.

"That's great! Now, when the bell rings, we're supposed to LEAVE the classroom," Remus said, using the _tone_.

"Uh, right. Everybody, LET'S GO!" Lily cheered.

One by one, they filed out of the Astronomy tower, excited to begin their quest.


	11. Transfiguation, Day 3

Hi everyone! It's me here, with the next chapter of The Ancient Art of Note Passing!

I'd like to thank **Violet44**, **so not telling**, **Hermione09Weasley**, **Sirius Horse Lover**, **SnowChicka**, **Goldenfeather**, **pop-pop-bananas**, and **xLoveMuffinx** for reviewing.

Disclaimer: (see first chapter)

* * *

Chapter Ten: 1st Period: Transfiguration; Day III

"Well, we finally found you two," Remus said, with a sigh.

"Hmph." Sirius muttered, unhappily.

"I'm shunning you all," Harry glowered.

"How DID you find us?" Sirius couldn't resist asking.

"Well, after we ditched History of Magic, lunch, Transfiguration, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, and Muggle Studies, we finally found you guys," Lily said, with a pointed glare.

"You guys were hard to find. Since Padfoot took the Map, we couldn't find you so easily. We-," James started to say.

"We searched the entire east wing and part of the north wing during History of Magic and lunch, the rest of the north wing and south wings during Transfiguration and Herbology-," Hermione interrupted, giving the two dirty looks that were usually only reserved for Malfoy.

"And the west wing during Care of Magical Creatures. It was not easy under one cloak. It's a good thing Harry brought his with us, but forgot to bring it with him after his imaginary girlfriend dumped him," Ron finished, summing it up.

"But I didn't bring my cloak along!" Harry said, confused.

"It's your dream," Ron said, with a shrug and look that said, "What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Why was it an imaginary girlfriend? Why didn't he just hook up with a girl?" Peter asked, cluelessly.

"Because he can't hit on a girl to save his life," Ron said, wisely.

"I resent that! I'm still shunning you, Ronald Weasley. Otherwise known as 'Ronniekins'," Harry snapped.

"Oh, grow up Harry," Hermione sighed, giving Remus a Look.

"No. I'm shunning you. I'M SHUNNING ALL OF YOU! Except you, Sirius. Unless you turn on me, too! You believe in the spirit of Sarcasmina, right?" Harry stated.

"I do, Harry. Just like I eat my Brussels sprouts every day instead of transforming them into chocolate frogs and giving them to Snivellus, and they still end up tasting like Brussels sprouts," James said, his voice just _dripping_ with sarcasm.

"But you DO do that, Padfoot!" Remus protested.

"I do?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Yeah! You just forgot to do it this week, that's all," he said, nodding.

"Great. Now I have short-term memory loss. What else can go wrong?"

"Leah could break up with you,"

"Don't you DARE go there, Moony!"

"Now that we got that out of the way… you don't even WANT to know how many fights we had. We ended up kicking Wormtail and Ron out because they were so annoying," James said, wincing as he remembered, interrupting what would have been a full-blown argument.

"That still wasn't nice!" Ron said, glaring at James.

"I'm not nice," James stated, shrugging carelessly.

Ron just sighed heavily, knowing it was true.

"Then, during Care of Magical Creatures, we searched the inside grounds. It was a bit easier, since there weren't many people around most of the places, but we still had to keep the cloak on," Lily explained.

"I like cookies," Peter said, randomly.

"It's only funny when PADFOOT does it, Wormie. It's just plain weird when you do it," James sighed, as if they had been through this before.

"Yeah, it kind of is," Remus said, siding with James.

"NEVER do that again, Peter," Lily agreed, shaking her head..

"Fine. I'm shunning you all," Peter squeaked, turning around.

"That's HARRY'S line," Sirius said, a dangerous tone to his voice.

"COPYCATER! I HATE YOU!" Harry exclaimed, sobbing.

"Yeah, Wormtail. STOP COPING HARRY AND ME! HE HAS A RIGHT TO SHUN YOU!" Sirius screeched.

"WE HATE YOU, PETER! GO BACK TO KISSING VOLDEMORT'S FEET!" Ron shouted.

"Yeah, Wormtail! Go back to him!" Hermione hissed.

"What are you two talking about?" Remus asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Yeah, I would never follow Voldemort!" Peter exclaimed, indignantly.

"But how do you know for sure?" Ron raised his eyebrows.

"Exactly. You never know that he's going to do it until he does it," Hermione nodded.

"Do what?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Something bad. Very bad," was all Hermione said.

"You barely know Peter!" James argued, defending him.

"But we know what he's going to do," Hermione said, omnisciently.

"None of you guys would defend him after you find out what he's going to do," Ron added.

"Guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but you don't have to do it. In fact, you shouldn't," Harry said, speaking in a suddenly mature voice.

"But-,"

"Harry-,"

"I don't want to hear it. I have accepted my fate as what it is. Although it WOULD be nice to have my blood parents and godfather alive still…"

"What the hell?" James exclaimed, confused as hell.

"Language, Prongs," Remus chided.

"What's going on here?" Sirius asked, his eyes widening.

"Nothing, you guys! We're just playing around, aren't we?" Hermione said, rather forcefully.

"Yeah! We're just joking around!" Ron agreed, and Harry nodded.

"Right... I want to know, and I want to know now," James stated, clearly.

"We ain't tellin'," Ron said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah," Hermione added.

"Don't make me start my blackmail…" James smirked.

"And if you think Prongs' was bad, just wait 'til you're on the end of PADFOOT'S BLACKMAIL!" Remus said, with a horrible shudder. His eyes went wide, and letting out a very unusual girlish scream, ran out of the room.

"Padfoot, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MOONY?" James whirled on his best friend.

"It's a trade secret to PADFOOT'S INC. NO ONE ELSE CAN KNOW!" Sirius said, cackling like an evil old witch was thought to.

"Don't make me start PRONGS' BLACKMAIL…" James threatened, acting like it was the scariest thing in the world. Maybe it was…

"You have names for your blackmail?" Lily said, raising her eyebrows disbelievingly.

"Yep! Wormtail's Blackmail is the weakest, Moony's Blackmail is second weakest, Padfoot's Blackmail is second strongest, and Prong's Blackmail is the STRONGEST!" James grinned.

"I have a problem with that," Sirius stated, narrowing his eyes.

"You have a problem with everything," James sighed, rolling his eyes.

"NO I DON'T!"

"You kinda do, Padfoot," Peter chimed in, randomly.

"I HATE YOU ALL!" Sirius screeched.

"You're just jealous because my blackmail is the best, and yours isn't."

"Screw you."

"Language, Black," Lily corrected, it being an old habit of her mothers that had rubbed off on her.

"SCREW YOU ALL!"

"Shut UP, Sirius," Ron said, sighing loudly.

"NO."

"YES."

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES! YES! YES!"

"NO! NO! NO!"

"Well SCREW YOU, Sirius!"

"Go fuck yourself, Ron!"

"STOP ARGUING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE!" Hermione screamed.

"No."

"Never."

"Is Harry still shunning us?" Lily asked, giving up on that conversation.

"Hang on a sec, Lily," James replied, curious himself. "HARRY! HARRY, ARE YOU STILL SHUNNING US?"

"Yes. Get out of my life, you coward."

"I AM NO COWARD!" James shouted, angrily.

"I'm still shunning you. I can have no response whatsoever. Good day, sir."

"SCREW YOU, HARRY!"

"JAMES!" Lily snapped, reprimanding him.

"I'm not sorry. And I never will be," James said, crossing his arms and pouting.

"So where DID you find us?" Sirius asked, the ever - curious one.

"You were the ones hiding. You should know where you hid!" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"It's my so-called short-term memory loss acting up again," Sirius nodded.

"We found you in a broom closet," Ron said, sarcastically.

"EW! GROSS, RONALD!" Hermione shrieked, completely flipping out.

"Pervert," Lily stated.

"I resent that," Ron said, glowering at her.

"You should," she declared.

"That is NOT where we found you guys. And I pray that we never will find you two in a broom closet…

together," James corrected.

"I'm back!" Remus exclaimed, randomly coming out of no where.

"Where did you go?" Lily asked, tilting her head sideways - curiously.

"To the lake, of course. I can cool down there. In both terms of the word," Remus replied, coolly.

"See, Prongs? The mere mention of PADFOOT'S BLACKMAIL left Moony running away, screaming like a girl out of the room," Sirius smirked, gloating.

"I do not scream like a girl!" Remus protested indignantly.

"Yes you do, Moons," Sirius said, sighing - it was almost as if they had had this conversation before...

"You scream like a girl, Pads," Remus retorted, crossing his arms.

"NO I DON'T! SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP!" Sirius screeched, completely flipping out.

"We found you in a hidden corner of the lake, sobbing uncontrollably," Hermione said, awkwardly ending the argument.

"It took you that long to find us by the lake? Man, you people ARE stupid," Sirius snickered, now completely calm.

"And blind!" Harry added, cheerily.

"I heard your crying first!" James exclaimed, excitedly.

"I told you guys we should've looked around the ENTIRE lake, first. But nooooooo you had to do it the 'manly' way, and look in places where they would - and could - NEVER be!" Hermione snapped, angrily.

"I don't care about your leadership problems. The point is, we found them, and we succeeded in out Great Quest!" James smirked… if it was one thing everyone knew by now, James smirking like that did NOT mean anything pleasant.

"I have to agree with Hermione on this one, James. If you had just listened to her, Remus, and me, we would've found them quicker," Lily said, wisely.

"That was the whole point," James explained.

"You mean you created this whole scheme just so you could ditch class?" Lily asked, her bright green eyes widening in surprise.

"Yep! Except for the part about Harry and Sarcasmina. That's him and his own demented little mind that just fell into another part of the Brilliant Mastermind's Plan," James said, as a thoughtful side-note.

"Even the part about me saying 'yes' to you?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows.

"That was unexpected, and wasn't a part of the original plan, but I'm glad that it happened," James said, grinning.

"...I don't believe it."

"It was all my idea!" Sirius burst out, eager to take credit for the "EVIL" plot.

"It was MY idea, Padfoot! You know it was!" James exclaimed, glaring at him.

"IT WAS MY MASTERMIND PLAIN FROM THE BEGINNING, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"I'M NOT LETTING YOU TAKE CREDIT FOR MY ENTIRE GREAT PLAN!"

"MOONY, TELL US WHOSE IDEA IT WAS!"

"Okay, it was both Pa- Sirius and James that came up with the idea. I fool proofed it. W- Peter had no part in it, whatsoever," Remus said, clearing things up.

"OH. Sorry Padfoot."

"Yeah, me too."

In other terms, they man-hugged.

"Should we see if Harry's still shunning us now, James?" Lily asked, when they were finished.

"Nah; let him think we're painstakingly thinking of ways to make him forgive us for our 'wrongdoings'. It's his problem, not ours," James said, smartly.

"Okay! I'm cool with that!" Lily smiled, nodding.

"Brilliant!" James burst out randomly, snapping his fingers.

"What is?" Lily asked, curiously.

"I just thought of another Mastermind Plan. PADFOOT!

"What?" he asked, instantly recognizing the look on James's face.

"Come here! We have to scheme!"

"YAY SCHEMING! LET'S GO, PRONGSIE!"

"Oh great. More schemes that we have to decipher," Lily sighed, resting her hand on her head.

"Don't worry. They wouldn't hurt you, Lily. Unless you dumped Prongs, or offended us in a major way," Remus said, as an afterthought.

"Thanks, Remmy. That make me feel sooooooo much better now," Lily said, sarcastically.

"DON'T CALL ME REMMY!"

"Remmy. RemmyRemmyRemmyRemmyRemmy."

"I hate you."

Lily gasped, loudly.

"I swear, P- James is rubbing off on you, Lily. You weren't nearly as obnoxious before you started

spending more time with him."

"Oh well. People change, Remmy. That's the Way of Life!"

"Now do you see what I mean?"

"Nope!"

"I hate the Way of Life."

"You hate everything, Moons," James sighed, in an omniscient fashion.

"Bah humbug."

"I don't get it," Sirius stated, scratching his head in confusion.

Lily giggled. "I do!"

"Thanks," Remus sighed, in relief. "I keep on forgetting not many people here have Muggle-based lifestyles,"

"Welcome. I love that movie!" Lily gushed.

"Me too!"

"It's a shame it's only a Muggle movie, some people in the Wizarding World could really benefit from it."

"Exactly!"

"What dorky thing are you talking about now?" Sirius asked, curious for real this time.

"A Christmas Carol is not a dorky movie! In fact, YOU could benefit from it if you bothered to watch it," Lily explained, as "nicely" as possible.

"Is there a great battle scene where people die?" he questioned.

"NO!" Lily answered, horrified.

"Is it about sports?"

"NO!"

"Hot girls?"

"NO!"

"Not interested."

"You haven't even seen PART of the movie!"

"That's just Padfoot's Way, Lily. If you're gonna date James, you'd better get used to it," Remus said, cutting in.

"I guess you're right, Remus," Lily sighed.

"I always am!"

"I highly doubt that!" Sirius remarked.

"But I am! You never let me have any glory!"

"Because it's too much fun taking it away from you!"

"You bastard!"

"That's old, Old, OLD, OLD news, Moony," James intervened, smirking.

"Ugghhh."

"I have to put up with THAT?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows in vague alarm.

"Not all of it, you have the protection of being James' girlfriend, meaning Padfoot can't be too hard on you, or he'll really get it from James," Remus answered, quietly.

"Uh… cool," Lily said, relieved.

"What 'yall talkin' 'bout?" James asked.

"How Moony hates everyone AND everything," Sirius replied, like it wasn't old news.

"Oh. That makes PERFECT sense. It really does," James said, sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"I hate you all," Harry glared.

"See, Prongs? Harry could be Moony's future son! They both hate everything!" Sirius exclaimed, too

cheerfully for his own good.

"I dunno, Pads. Harry looks a LOT like Prongs. It's uncanny, really," Remus debated, thoughtfully.

Panicking, Ron knocked Remus out with a book.

"WHY'D YOU DO THAT, RON?" James screeched, completely flipping out.

"That was brilliant, Ron!" Sirius exclaimed, high-fiving the male red head.

"Uh, I felt like it?" Ron answered, not able to explain the REAL reason behind his action.

"Bravo Ron, bravo!" Sirius said, applauding him.

"That was hilarious! Way to GO!" James praised, with a completely changed attitude.

"I'm impressed!"

"Me too!"

"Um, thanks?"

"It was still really nice that you guys did go and find us after we ran away, even if it was just part of a plan to ditch class. Mainly Lily, Hermione, and Remus, because they were strange enough to actually want to go to class," Harry said, unusually nice but in a usual random fashion.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, thanks Harry!" James grinned.

"That just goes to show what true friends can do for the other, right you guys?" Sirius said, earning a chorus of "Yeps!", "Sure!'s", "Uh huh's." and "Yeah!'s".

"I would do anything for you, Padfoot," James said, sincerely.

"Me too!" Sirius agreed, surprisingly straight-faced.

"Yeah! Wait... I JUST KNOCKED REMUS OUT COLD! COOL!" Ron cheered - apparently it had finally sunk in.

"How DARE you knock Remus out, Ronald!" Hermione said, defending the werewolf.

The two went into another room, and loud, obnoxious fighting and swearing was heard from the other room. Then, all was silent. Eerily silent.

"Is Ron dead?" Harry asked, a tremor to his voice and biting his nails.

"Go check," James said, gesturing towards the door.

"Why me?" Harry whimpered, pouting almost the exact same way James did when he pouted.

"Cause we said so, that's why."

Harry went into the other room, and is met by the astonishing sight of Hermione and Ron deep in a lip lock. He backed out slowly and headed back to the classroom, bright green eyes wide. He was met with many anxious stares from the others.

"Well, IS Ron dead?" James asked, alarmed.

"No…"

"Is Hermione dead?" Sirius tried.

"No…"

"Are they both dead?" Lily wondered.

"No…"

"WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THERE?" they all demanded, impatiently.

"I'm not telling Remus, but Ron and Hermione are… are... are…"

"Are WHAT? SPIT IT OUT, BOY!" Sirius yelled.

"Do you get some sick pleasure at watching us suffer like this?" James inquired, eyebrows raised.

"Maybe…"

"JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED!" Lily burst out, curiosity getting the best of her.

"Okay, okay... RON AND 'MIONE ARE SNOGGING!"

"Gasp!" James said, actually saying the word.

"Holy shit!" Sirius stated, dark eyes wide.

"Who's gonna tell Remus?" Lily pondered.

"Tell me what?" Remus asked, groggily rubbing his head.

"You're awake!" James said, cheerily.

"Hermione and Ron are kissing?" he echoed.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" Sirius shouted, freaked out.

"You just told me, you nimrod,"

"Oh,"

Remus sighed. "Oh well. Maybe Carla will still love me…"

"She'll probably say that she hates you, never wants to see you again, hit you, then run away. If you go after her, you'll probably have a yelling match, which in the end, will most likely involve both you and Miss Carla Brinskey in a broom closet, and if you let it, in bed," Sirius said, in an unusually wise tone and waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"How do you know that?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows as if to say, _"Really, Sirius?"_

"It's happened to me before, dumbo," he answered, grinning.

"Ohhhhh…"

"You and Carla would make a cute couple. She still likes you, I'll tell you that," Lily said, warmly.

"Do you think Ron and 'Mione are coming back soon?" Harry asked, timidly.

"Not on your life, kid," James said, shaking his head.

"Hey, there she is now! Why don't you go ask her out, Remus?" Lily prompted.

"Okay. Might as well do it now. Tell Hermione we're through when she comes back," the werewolfsaid, and with a heavy sigh, he stood up and headed over to Carla.

"He handled that well," Harry commented, suspiciously.

"He'll cry for a couple days after this, but I think he knew that he and 'Mione weren't meant to be," Sirius said, knowingly.

"He's always been in control with his emotions… for the most part," James added.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. Especially when he's distracted by Carla," Sirius stated.

"All right. Thanks again for looking for me n' Pads, Lily," Harry said, as an afterthought.

"No problem, Harry. It's strange, really. It's almost like I feel… like a mother to you. Weird, huh?" Lily asked, her head tilting sideways in a slightly affectionate way.

"Oh no…" Harry muttered, and thinking fast, he knocked Lily out with a book when James and Sirius weren't looking. Remus was still busy trying to win Carla back.

"Why is Lily out cold?" James asked, alarmed when he first noticed.

"Uh… SNAPE DID IT!" Harry shouted, pointing in his direction.

"Come on, Padfoot! Let's go torture Snivellus… no one knocks out MY girlfriend and gets away with it!" James exclaimed, heading over there and brandishing his wand.

"Any chance to torture that whelp! You wanna come, Harry?" Sirius asked before going over to Snape's corner himself.

"Nah, I'll pass on this one," Harry said, with a smile.

"Suit yourself. Come on, Prongs. Let's go!" Sirius called, pulling out his own wand.

"Ah. What would Hogwarts be without them?" Harry chuckled, clearly enjoying the "torture" the duo was inflicting upon Snape.


	12. Muggle Studies, Day 3

Hey everyone!

I'd like to give a shout out to **Hermione09Weasley**, **Goldenfeather**, **xLoveMuffinx**, and **14hp1** for reviewing! You people are incredible. You have no idea how much I appreciate these reviews!

And now... enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: (See first chapter)

* * *

Chapter Eleven: 2nd Period: Muggle Studies; Day III

"What's up, my homies?" Sirius said, with an extra-deep voice.

"What the hell are you saying?" Remus asked, using an extra-heavy sigh this time.

"Something I saw someone say it on a movie once- I think I watched it to piss off my parents," Sirius said, thoughtfully…

"Did it work?" Remus asked, genuinely curious.

"Hell yeah it did!" Sirius answered, grinning.

"Ron, Hermione, Lily, what are you three doing in here?" Harry wondered, addressing them confusedly.

"It's your dream," Ron said, shrugging.

"Yeah, really," Hermione added, rolling her eyes.

"Lily?"

"She always takes Muggle Studies," James said, as if it was common sense.

"Yep. I like it even though I'm a Muggleborn," Lily smiled slightly.

"And that's why she's our little nerdette," Sirius finished.

"Nerdette?" she repeated, raising her eyebrows dangerously.

"It's better than what I call Remmy," he said, shrugging.

"Okay... James?" Lily tried.

"Coming from him, Lily, it's a compliment," James sighed.

"Alright…" Lily said, uncertainly.

"Hermione?" Remus asked, tentatively.

"Yeah, Remus?"

"Can I talk to you… alone?"

"Um, sure, I guess…" Hermione replied, uncertainly.

"Okay, pretend to be sick so I can take you to the Hospital Wing," Remus whispered, quickly.

Hermione nodded, and proceeded to "throw up" all over her desk...

ONCE IN THE HALLWAY…

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Hermione asked, curiously.

"Well, I was thinking that, maybe we should-,"

"Should what?" Hermione interrupted, nervously.

"Should get… REVENGE!"

"On who, exactly?" she asked, now concerned for Remus's health.

"Sirius, James, Ron, Harry, and Peter."

"Why Ron and Harry?"

"Because they always try to make my life MISERABLE, and the time is right. I can feel it!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. " Okay, I'm in."

"Fantastic! So, I was thinking we could do this…" Remus and Hermione broke into a series of whispered words in the far back corner of the hallway...

BACK IN MUGGLE STUDIES…

"Guys, where'dya think Moony and 'Mione went?" Sirius asked.

"Maybe they went to a broom closet! I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Ron?" Harry suggested.

"Shut it, Harry. I'm not in the mood," Ron glared.

"I wonder where Carla is…" James wondered, thoughtfully stroking his "beard".

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I don't care about Moony's romantic life," Sirius said, flipping his hair in a rebellious manner. Because only Sirius could flip his hair and make it look rebellious.

"But he's your FRIEND!" Lily exclaimed, horrified.

"Too lazy to care," Sirius responded, tossing his quill up and down.

'You'll get used to it, Lily," James reassured his newly acquired girlfriend when she looked at him.

"I doubt it…" Lily said, with a dry laugh.

"You will. BECAUSE PRONGSIE SAYS SO!"

"Whatever you say," the red head said, shaking her head with a small smile.

"Prongs, I have this great new idea for a prank we should pull on Moony once he comes back," Sirius murmured, so no one else would hear.

"Lay it on me, buddy!"

"Wormtail, keep watch and wait until Moony and 'Mione come back!" Sirius ordered, heading off to a corner of the room in very, _very_ quiet whispers.

"So Ron, are you jealous that Remmy and 'Mione are all alone somewhere together?"

'Uh… that's none of your beeswax," Ron said, with a scowl.

Harry, in other words, just snickered knowingly.

IN THE PRIVATE MARAUDING SCHEMING CORNER OF MARAUDERS PADFOOT AND PRONGS…

"So, what's your idea, Pads?" James asked, anxious to hear the idea.

"I was thinking that maybe we could dump dog poo on him when he walks through the door!"

"Where are we gonna get- oh."

"He'll be humiliated!" Sirius exclaimed, cackling.

"That's a good idea, Padfoot, but we're not amateurs anymore. We need something that says… TOP

NOTCH PRANKSTERS written all over it!"

"What about fireworks?"

"How is that gonna get Moony?"

"I dunno… oh, I know!"

"What?"

"Wait, no, I lost it…" Sirius muttered, frowning in annoyance.

"Ugghhh. We'll NEVER get anyone humiliated this way!"

"OH! We'll set up a trip wire that activates right when Moony comes in, and fireworks will be set off!" Sirius said, rubbing his hands together and wearing a mischievous smile that looked just plain sinister on him.

"Now that says TOP NOTCH PRANKSTERS written all over it! We just need to get out all the flaws…" James praised, high-fiving him.

"Yeah; where's Moony when we need him?" Sirius frowned, his dark eyes narrowing.

"Probably snogging 'Mione somewhere…" James said, thoughtfully.

"But isn't she goin' out with Ron now?"

"I lost track when 'Mione and Ron first snogged."

"Me too."

"Okay, um, I have some fireworks in my bag-,"

"So do I!"

"Okay, we'll get them out, and when Humblebury's turned the other way, I'll levitate you when you're under the Invisibility Cloak and you'll set up the traps on the ceiling," James muttered, inconspicuously as possible.

"And I'm supposed to trust you with your wand use? Can't I just use a broom?" Sirius asked, pouting.

"Yes and no."

"Dammit."

"Okay, she's not looking, throw the cloak on!"

Right on cue, the teacher turned around to write something on the board. Sirius and James smirked to each other before Sirius threw the cloak over himself.

"Oops…" James whispered, his eyes widening.

"What?"

"I just realized, if I levitate you, how am I supposed to see you when you're invisible?"

"Just have Wormtail create a distraction so we can get Humblebury out of the room!"

"Why didn't we think of that before?"

"I think this is Moony's line right now."

"Yeah; he'd call us idiots."

"WORMTAIL!" James hollered, calling over the rat animagus.

"Yeah?"

"Create a distraction that makes Humblebury go out of the room for a while!" Sirius said, forgetting he

was underneath the cloak.

"What kind of distraction?" Peter asked, not surprised at Sirius' voice coming out of nowhere. It wasn't the first time...

"I don't know. Improvise. Here's the cloak... we'll cover for you!" Sirius said, taking off the cloak - inconspicuously, when no one was looking - and handed it to Peter, who put it on.

"For how long?" he asked.

"Uh, 20 minutes?" James estimated.

"Yeah, that should be enough… I think."

"Now GO!" James said, pushing Peter out of the room.

"Do you have your broom?" Sirius asked.

"Yep!"

"Fantastic…"

Peter suddenly came rushing into the room, panting. "Professor Humblebury! Professor Humblebury! The Slytherins are picking on the Gryffindors again!"

"Not again! Where?" Professor Humblebury groaned, pulling out her wand and brandishing it.

"In the courtyard!"

"I'm on my way. Thanks, Peter!" she said, and left the room with an angry expression on her face.

"Well done, Wormtail. Not your best work, but not your worst, either," Sirius nodded.

"Thanks!"

"Padfoot, hurry up and get on my broom NOW!"

Sirius muttered something about innuendo's before he did as James told him to.

"NO, WAIT! HERE ARE THE FIREWORKS!" James shouted, panicking as he handed them up.

25 GOOD MINUTES LATER…

Humblebury came back into her classroom, looking VERY upset.

"There were NO fighting Slytherins or Gryffindors there, or ANYWHERE!"

"Oh, um, then it must've broken up before you got there," Peter said, shrugging.

"Pettigrew. Detention. My office. 6 PM tonight."

"WHAT DID I DO?"

Humblebury shrugged. "You were born," She stepped into room, and tripped over the trip wire, setting

off the fireworks and getting a pile of dog poo all over her in the process.

"Oops. Forgot to let it loose until Moony comes back. Damn." Sirius muttered, frowning.

James laughed. "Who cares? This is SOOOOOOOO much more funnily!"

Sirius ducked an incoming firework. "You're right, Prongs! It is!" He high fived James again, laughing.

It was safe to say, Humblebury was at a loss for words as she stared at the destruction around her.

AT THAT MOMENT, MOONY AND HERMIONE COME INTO ROOM, AND THEIR MOUTHS DROP OPEN AT THE CHAOS ERUPTING IN IT.

"YOU CAN JOIN MR. PETTIGREW IN DETENTION TONIGHT!" Humblebury screeched, pointing at James and Sirius, who were too busy laughing to take her seriously.

"Ready?" Remus asked.

"Whenever you are."

Remus looked at the chaos erupting around him. "Maybe we should do this next period..."

"Sure… that might be best, considering…" Hermione nodded in understanding.

THE TWO SAT DOWN CALMLY, AND LOOK UPON THE CHAOS AS IF THEY SAW IT EVERYDAY IN THEIR LIVES… WHICH MAYBE THEY HAVE.

"Ron?" Harry whispered.

"Yeah, Harry?"

"It's time to plan our next prank!"

"Why now?" Ron asked, gesturing to the utter bedlam James and Sirius' fireworks had caused.

"When better to plan than in the uproar around us?" Harry asked, unusually wise.

"I admire your logical thinking… let's scheme and unleash it next period!"

"I'm glad we're on the same page!"

"Could we do something with pie?"

"Why pie?"

"Because I like pie."

"Who doesn't?"

"WORMTAIL!"

"Haha. That's a good one!" Harry giggled, knuckle bumping Ron. Because that was cooler than high fives.

"Seriously, he doesn't like pie."

Harry paused for a moment to shake his head in shame for Peter. "Alright, you had something going with the pie. OOH! What about this…?" Harry's green eyes widened and his expression mirrored James when he was on a roll with another scheme.

"THAT'S IT. I QUIT!" Humblebury screeched, and stormed out of the room.

"Does that mean we don't have detention?" Sirius asked.

"No. I'm telling McGonagall, and THEN you'll be in for it," Humblebury cackled evilly, came back and grabbed her belongings, and THEN stormed out of the room, most likely out to the Hogs Head to drink herself silly to forget this horrible incident.

Lily shrieked as she dodged a firework. "THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO NEXT PERIOD EARLY!" Grabbing her books, she stormed out of room, following Humblebury's example.

"Maybe you should…" Sirius trailed off, gesturing to where Lily had vanished to.

"Go after her? I'm on it," James finished, snatching his books.

"Actually, I was going to ask you if you would save me some pie at lunch today," Sirius said, brightly.

James, in other words, could only stare at Sirius.

"I WANT PIE! SOMEONE GET ME PIE!"

"Uh oh…" James muttered, backing away from Sirius.

"Padfoot's in his 'I want pie,' stage again, isn't he?" Remus said, sighing.

"You guessed it!"

"Well then, GIVE THE FOOL SOME PIE!" Remus exclaimed, also backing away from Sirius.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONJURE UP PIE!" James shouted - the panic obvious on his face.

"Do you want Padfoot to reach his Second Stage of Compulsion Pie Disorder?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

If it was possible, James started to panic even more.

"Hermione, uh, Pa- Sirius has Compulsion Pie Disorder. Do you know how to cure that?" Remus turned to Hermione - his last source for help.

"I know how to conjure up pie!" Hermione grinned, brightly as she pulled out her wand.

"Great! Now give some to Sirius before he reaches his second stage of CPD," Remus sighed in relief.

"What does he do in the second stage of CPD?" Hermione asked, curiously.

Remus shuddered. "There are some things that are just better left unsaid."

"That's all I needed to hear," Hermione said, and with confidence, said, "_Headithi!_" She waved her wand, and a jet of light came out and hit Sirius hard in the head, knocking him out in the process.

"How'd you do that?" Remus asked, his jaw dropping to the floor.

"Practice. Especially when Harry and Ron have CPD, I needed to learn that spell, and fast."

"Wise choice."

"Thanks."

IN THE SECRET SCHEMING CORNER OF PRONGS JR. AND RON THE WEENIE…

"Okay, so if we just say 'Pieithea', pie is conjured out of thin air?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrows almost disbelievingly.

"Yep! Fred and George do it all the time. The pie urge runs through the family on my dad's side. Ginny seems to hate pies, though. Maybe it's because of the very vivid memories of me, my brothers and dad eating them, or she inherited most of mom's disorders- mum doesn't have the pie urge," Ron explained.

"Yeah, that might do it. So, how is Ginny nowadays anyway?"

"She's doin' pretty good… wait, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT?"

"Your sister is cute!"

Ron jumped up and tackled Harry to the ground. The two are now fighting, rolling around on the floor as Harry tried to defend himself from Ron's wrath.

"What are they fighting about _now_?" Remus asked, exasperatedly.

Hermione eyed the situation. "Well… my guess is that Harry said that Ron's sister, Ginny, was hot, and

Ron got angry and overprotective and tackled him to the ground."

"Oh. That makes sense," he said, ducking an incoming firework.

Hermione dodged a firework too. "Um… maybe we should get out of here, too."

"Yeah, we probably should."

Offering Hermione his arm, they walked out of the classroom together.

"Is Padfoot awake yet?" James asked, glancing at the unconscious teenage boy on the floor.

"I dunno. Say something to make him wake up…" Peter said.

James thought for a moment. "Oh, I got it! OI PADFOOT! THERE'S GONNA BE PIE AT LUNCH TODAY, AND I SAW YOUR GIRLFRIEND SNOGGING SNIVELLUS!"

"WHAT? I'm up, and I'm gonna KILL THAT GREASY LITTLE BASTARD!" Sirius immediately jumped up, screeching furiously.

"Good, you're up," James said, a satisfied look on his face.

"So you just said that to wake me up?"

"Yep!"

"And my girlfriend didn't snog Snivellus?"

"As far as I know- although I highly doubt she would do _that_ when she has _you_."

"And there won't be pie at lunch today?"

James grinned the infamous Marauder grin. "That one can be arranged."

"YAY FOR PIE! Aw, man. There's still two periods left..."

Peter looked at clock on wall. "Um, actually there's only one minute left in class,"

"YAY! But there's still two periods until lunch. I WANT MY PIE NOW!" Sirius demanded.

"Just give the poor dog some pie…" James said, sighing.

"Yeah! Every dog needs his pie! Wait… I'm not poor!"

"Pieithea!" James muttered, causing pie to appear.

Sirius grabbed some pie and proceeded, in other words, to stuff his face.

"I'm gonna reset the fireworks so the next class will be attacked by fireworks, too! Help me out, Peter," James said.

"Why me?"

" Because Padfoot's stuffing his face."

"Fair enough," he said, shrugging, and helped to set up fireworks for the poor Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs next period.

"This sure is a long minute!" Harry groaned.

"Tell me about it!" Ron agreed.

Suddenly, Lily appeared in the classroom.

"Guys?" Lily said, tentatively - miraculously everyone heard it above the fireworks.

"Yeah Lily?" everyone that was still in the room chorused simultaneously.

"The bell rang ten minutes ago. That clock is off. You must've missed it because of all the noise the fireworks were making."

Everyone in the room excluding James and Sirius freaked out. And everyone except Padfoot and

Prongs raced out of the room to get to next class as on-time as they could. The duo opted to lean back and relax against some abandoned desks.

"That was a good prank, Lily," Sirius said, as the last firework crashed to the floor.

"What are you talking about, Black?" Lily asked, narrowing her green eyes.

"The bell didn't ring ten minutes ago," James said, tapping his watch.

"Yes, it really did."

"It was a prank because me n' Jamsie over here disabled the bell today," Sirius added, smirking coolly at James.

"Aw, man," Lily sighed, leaning against the doorframe disappointedly.

"It was a well-thought out prank, Lils. Now come on, let's go to the next class," James said.

"OR, we could ditch it and plan our next prank!" Sirius suggested.

"Um, I like Padfoot's idea better. I'll walk you to class, Lily, but I won't go in," James said, offering Lily his arm, and the three walked to her next class.

"We're sneaking off to Hogsmeade, aren't we?" James asked, once Lily was inside.

"Yup! To the Hogs Head we go, to the Hogs Head we go, high ho the merry-i-o to the Hogs Head we go!" Sirius nodded, singing… badly.


	13. Potions, Day 3

Thanks to all who reviewed, and hopefully all of you haven't lost interest in this story! Now, all that's left to do is to say: I hope this lives up to your expectations, and is worth the wait. Enjoy the chapter!

(disclaimer: nope, i don't own HP!)

* * *

Chapter Twelve: 3rd Period: Potions; Day 3

"When are we going to unleash It?" Remus asked, in a hushed murmur to Hermione.

"I don't know. James and Sirius aren't here, so it won't be that much fun," Hermione whispered back.

"Of all the periods they had to ditch, why this one?"

"I don't know. Whatever- we'll unleash it when they get back, okay?"

"Alright. But 'Mione?"

"Yeah Remus?"

"Are you still going out with me, or do you want to be with Ron now?"

"I uh, don't know really. I can't decide. –looks confused and ponders the question- You're both great guys… I need time, I suppose."

Remus looked around awkwardly because of Carla. "You should go with Ron."

"Why? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Er, yes, of course I do, but- but-,"

"But what?"

"We're from different times. I think it's best we date people from our own time, rather than from someone else's time. It could screw up the time frame, and after that, who knows what'll happen?"

"HOW COULD YOU? I was going to pick you, but if you really don't want me, then FINE!"

"'Mione I can expl-,":

"I was going to choose you, Remus, but now… HOW COULD YOU? I'm leaving! Actually, I've got a better idea, now that we're OFFICIALLY broken up!" She walked over to Ron and kissed him long and hard on the lips before she dashed out of the Potions classroom, leaving a dazed, lovestruck Ron behind.

"Nice going, Remus," Harry said, sarcastically.

Ron smiled dreamily. "That was the best kiss I've ever had!"

"I thought you were with Lavender Brown…?" Harry questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"I'd dump her for 'Mione any day if she kisses like that all the time!"

"Where do you think she went?"

"I honestly don't know!"

"Moony, are you OK?" Harry asked, oddly concerned.

"I don't know…"

"I'll take that as a no," Harry said, and patted Remus on the back sympathetically.

Remus looked at Harry suspiciously and felt his back where Harry patted him. Finding a piece of paper there, he ripped it off and read it. After he read it, he hit Harry on the shoulder angrily before ripping the paper to shreds.

"What did it say?" Ron asked, curiously.

Harry smirked. "It said: 'Werewolves R Us!'"

"Oh, Harry…" Ron rolled his eyes, laughing.

"Smart, right?"

"I guess so. But wasn't that a little mean?"

"I suppose so," Harry shrugged, cheerfully.

"You heartless piece of… of… of… CRAP!"

"I didn't do that to you, Ron."

"OH, good point. What's Slughorn doing?"

"Talking about… ironic, the Wolfsbane potion…"

"Wolfsbane potion?" Remus echoed, suspiciously.

"But that potion isn't invented until… until- for a long time from now," Ron said, tilting his head to the side and scratching it.

"Isn't it YOUR dream Harry?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I guess so…"

"So you could make it so Slughorn turns into something really humiliating?" Remus raised his eyebrows mischievously.

"I could! Thanks, Moony! Since you did that nice thing for me, I'll apologize for that mean sign. I'll just go with KICK ME next time."

Remus looked a bit confused. "Uh, thanks... I think."

Harry closed his eyes and gripped his hands into fist in front of him as he tried to make Slughorn start doing something VERY humiliating.

"What's he trying to do?" Ron questioned.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out. I have a feeling it's not going to be pretty…" Remus replied.

"What are you morons up to now?"

Ron smirked. "You'll see, Lily darling."

"Wait, what's Harry doing? Is that the start of another psycho thing like that whole 'Sarcasmina' thing?" Lily demanded.

"NO! These are for MALE ears only!" Ron exclaimed.

"Ron, shut up. Harry's trying to make Slughorn do something humiliating, and I hope I never have to see something like Sarcasmina again," Remus explained.

Lily rolled her eyes and was in the middle of saying something, when Slughorn suddenly tripped on his own shoelace, falling face-first onto the cold dungeon floor. Though to Slughorn's credit, it looked a bit friendlier than it did when Snape ran the Potions class.

"Was that you, Harry?" Ron asked, looking at his best friend. Harry nodded, too busy concentrating on making Slughorn look like a fool to talk.

"Holy lordie, Harry! That IS impressive!" Moony exclaimed -the mean sign forgotten for now- as

Slughorn started twitching his eye and shoulder uncontrollably.

Even the Slytherins were cracking ghosts of smiles as they watched their Head of House make a fool of himself. Well, it wasn't everyday a teacher broke down like this!

"Padfoot and Prongs should be here to see this!" Peter squeaked. It was very hard for Harry and Ron not to jump up and strangle Peter right then and there, and Slughorn stopped twitching; Harry had lost concentration.

"Now look what you did, Peter! You distracted him!" Ron yelled, using that as an excuse to slap Peter.

Harry used an advanced Silencing Charm and used it to create a space around him that was quiet before he went back to controlling his dream. However, Peter DID have a good idea there- for once in his life.

Unsure exactly how to do it, Harry closed his eyes and tried just thinking about having his dad and Sirius in the room. There was a loud CRACK and two very disoriented people appeared in the room.

James was drinking a firewhiskey, while Sirius was half-naked with his eyes closed kissing someone-

his shirt was off. Er, he _was_ kissing someone. He gripped whatever girl and was probably going to

take off her bra or something when Professor Slughorn coughed very loudly, and Sirius' attention snapped up towards the teacher, while James, (who had earlier been drinking it in a chair and had fallen to the floor with a plop) who was now mesmerized watching Sirius do IT with a girl, stared up at Slughorn too.

"Oopsies," Sirius grinned weakly, putting his arms at his sides and off of the invisible girl he'd been doing IT with.

James on the other hand said, "How the Hell did we get here?" Both of them muttered dark, unintelligible things under their breath when no one replied.

"Harry!" Moony whispered, trying to get his attention. However, because of the advanced silencing charm Harry had put over his desk, didn't hear Remus' whisper. Harry was too busy watching the scene unfold with the rest of the laughing Slytherins (and a few Gryffindors) to notice. Remus gave up, and also decided to watch the scene James, Sirius, and the Potions Professor would make.

"Although I don't know how you came here, where you were before, or whatever reason-," Slughorn broke off as he saw a Hogwarts uniform shirt appear on Sirius and James out of nowhere.

"What the Hell is going on here?" the teacher exclaimed, for once at a loss for words.

The Marauders, Lily, and Ron all looked at Harry and back at Slughorn before bursting out in laughter.

"Now make him do a funny jig!" Ron whispered, looking at Harry (who had taken the Advanced Silencing Charm off of him to hear Slughorn's reaction. Although, it's sometimes funnier to watch but not be able to hear these kinds of things.)

"That can be arranged," Harry smirked- and in a few seconds, Slughorn was doing a jig! The classroom burst into laughter at that –as Slughorn was a VERY bad dancer.

Even Lily was finding it hard not to laugh at the antics Harry was making Slughorn do. All of a sudden, Hermione's tear-streaked face appeared in the doorway –also Harry's doing- and she stared at the chaos erupting in the classroom.

"Oh. My. God." She breathed, speechless. Hermione surveyed everything around her -her mouth gaping- and timidly went up to Ron.

"Hey Ron," she said, loudly- to speak over the laughter. Ron didn't pay any attention to her as he was too busy watching Slughorn do an Irish jig.

"Ron. Ron? RON!" Hermione yelled above the music someone had conjured up to go along with the weird dancing. Hermione smacked him in the back of the head, and he still didn't turn his eyes away from the scene. (To give Ron a little credit, it wasn't every day you saw your teacher humiliate himself like this.

Hermione – who was already a bit messed up from the whole thing with Remus - bit her lip to stop some more tears from coming. Suddenly, someone tapped her on the shoulder. Turning around, she saw –to her annoyance- that it was Remus.

"Can I talk to you, please?" he asked, his eyes flickering from the beginning of more tears on her face and Ron's ignorance of Hermione's attempts to get his attention.

"You know what? Yes, you can," Hermione said, turning her back on Ron as the two of them stepped outside of the noisy, chaotic classroom and into the (much) quieter hallway.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, looking her in the eye.

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong, exactly. I just overreacted, when I should've seen that coming when I uh, was stupid enough to kiss Ron," Hermione said softly, forcing herself to look Remus in the eyes.

"What do you want to do?" Remus asked.

"I want to be with you, Remus. I tried talking to Ron about 'us' and he totally, completely ignored me!

He's an insensitive JERK- and he was really mean in our third year. You wouldn't do something like that. You're a sweet, sensitive nice guy- and a guy like that is really hard to come by these days," she told Remus. "Every word of that is true," Hermione added when Remus' expression changed into something else. Hesitance? Regret? Confusion?

"I need time to think about it, Hermione," Remus said, finally.

Her heart fell a bit, but he hadn't rejected her again, so she said, "OK, I suppose I can wait. We're still going to follow through with the Prank next period, right? No matter what happens?"

Remus nodded, an excited light to his eyes. "Definitely!"

Hermione smiled at him, and they re-entered the chaotic classroom together.

Now Harry was making Slughorn do gymnastics all over the classroom. Admittedly, the scene was hilarious, but it made her sick to know he had lost all of his free will… then again, this WAS a dream….

For once, no one in the class wanted Potions to end, and everyone was laughing and smiling as they urged Professor Slughorn (or Harry, whichever) on. Unfortunately, this was all ended when Professor McGonagall came into the classroom.

The enraged look on her face was nothing the Marauders had ever seen on her before (and that was saying something), and suddenly, everyone in the room became very quiet. The tension in the room was building, and the students closest to the Deputy Headmistress backed away cautiously, their eyes wide with fear.

"Harry, what the Hell are you thinking, bringing Minnie into the classroom?" Sirius asked through gritted teeth.

"I didn't do this! I'm trying to make her go away, but she won't budge!" Harry whispered back. How could he control his dream with Slughorn, but not with McGonagall?

Meanwhile, Ron snickered at McGonagall's nickname and James muttered, "This is gonna be good!"

"SLUGHORN! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE A PROFESSORFOR CHRIST'S SAKE! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE JUMPING AROUND, DOING… GYMNASTICS ALL DAY! I COULD HAVE YOU FIRED FOR THIS STUPIDITY! NOT FOR YOUR RIDICULOUS DANCING AND GYMNASTICS, BUT FOR NOT TEACHING THE STUDENTS WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW FOR THE N.E.W.T.S! IF THIS IS WHAT YOU DO ALL THROUGH YOUR CLASSES, I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY COLLEAGUE AND A PROFESSOR!" Minerva McGonagall shouted, her dark eyes flickering an emotion that ran much deeper than anger.

She took a deep breath and said, "However, since I have no proof this isn't the first time it happened, or if you're just plain drunk, a Ministry member will witness all of your classes for the rest of the semester to make sure you're teaching your students what they need to know, and your salary will be lowered," Seeing the look on Slughorn's face, she added, "And I'm sure Dumbledore will go along with this as well,"

For the second time in the Potions Professor's life, he was utterly, completely, speechless. Slughorn's mouth opened, closed, opened, and closed again as he felt the deep burning shame of how he acted.

Feeling unable to explain himself, the professor simply said, "I understand the consequences of my actions, and can assure you that it will never, EVER, happen again,"

McGonagall nodded her head, "I'm going easy on you, Professor. Now get back to teaching," And Minerva McGonagall left the room as quickly as she entered. Probably going to tell Dumbledore and get a Ministry member to witness every class Slughorn taught.

Slughorn had turned a very deep red as Minerva left, and looked around at the students- who were all looking silently at him.

"Well, what are you waiting for? I put the assignment on the board, now do it!" he snapped, going to sit in the chair behind his desk again.

"What an interesting class period," Sirius said, nonchalantly.

"Agreed. I wonder how we arrived from the Hogs Head to the Potions classroom…" James wondered.

"Me too…" Sirius agreed, pondering it for a moment before losing interest in subject and saying, "I'm hungry. When is lunch?"

"The period after the next one, Padfoot."

"Oh great. I want food NOW!"

"If you were smart like me, you would've gotten something while we were in Hogsmeade instead of snogging some random girl in the broom closet," James said, wisely.

"It's what I do. I'm surprised you aren't used to it by now, Prongs."

"Whatever Padfoot. Hey, look! Class is almost over!"

Sirius whipped his head around to look at the clock. "Oh my God, you're right, Prongsie! What period do we have next?"

"Um, let me remember… um, Care of Magical Creatures?"

"Oh yeah, I remember now! It's my favorite period, aside from lunch!"

"You have a problem with food, Pads."

"Shut up. I can't help it if my parents locked me in my room with no food before I left!"

"Whatever you say, Padfoot."

"The bell's gonna ring in 3, 2, 1, NOW!" Harry had _so_ called it.

Strange enough, the bell DID ring when Harry said it would, sending the Gryffindors on their way to Charms class, and the Slytherins to their Care of Magical Creatures. Maybe the Marauders didn't give Harry enough credit, or maybe it was just a coincidence. Most likely the latter, but then again, it WAS Harry's dream...


	14. Charms, Day 3

Hey everyone! I'd like to think the wait for the next chapter wasn't THAT bad... thank you SOO much to the six lovely reviewers: **LoganLover8128, Alanna Green, Broken Gold, 14hp1, James n Lily r in LOVE, **and** Cottonpaw** for their awesome reviews! You guys are incredible!

Mysterious deep male voice speaking: NOW... ARE YOU READY... FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF... THE ANCIENT ARE OF NOTE PASSING?

Sirius: YES! YES I AM! IIIIIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMMMMMM !

Mysterious deep male voice speaking: AND... DO WE OWN HARRY POTTER AND RELATED CHARACTERS?

Sirius: NO! WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER AND RELATED CHARACTERS!

Mysterious deep male voice speaking: DO WE OWN SPONGEBOB?

Sirius: Ummmm, no?

Mysterious deep male voice speaking: GOOD BOY. HAVE A COOKIE. -gives Sirius a cooke-

Sirius: YAY! I GET A COOKIE AND BELLATRIX DOESN'T! HA! TAKE _THAT _YOU EVIL WITCH!

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: 4th Period: Charms; Day 3

Remus Lupin was on his way to Charms class walking with his fellow Marauders, Lily, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione. He really couldn't decide if he should choose Hermione and dump Carla, or not choose Hermione and go with Carla.

ARGH, why did girls have to do this? Remus felt like ripping his hair out and slamming his forehead against the wall, but stopped himself just in time. The words: _'Mione or Carla? 'Mione or Carla? _'Mione_ or Carla? _Just wouldn't stop running through his head!

As he walked towards Charms class, Sirius pulled him over and opened the Marauders Map in a small, reclusive place.

"Hey Moony, look at this!" James showed him his "favorite" broom closet that he used to take girls, and there were two names in it: Carla Brinskey and Vince Towers.

"I'm sorry Moons," James said, patting Remus' shoulder as his friend looked at the names, disbelief written all over his face.

"Um, it's ok, James. Thanks for showing me this," Remus said softly, looking away from James as he said it.

"Are you gonna be OK? I know you had a thing for Carla for a while," James asked, in an unusually kind voice.

"Yeah, I'll be ok," Remus replied, and fell behind the group of Sirius, Peter, Lily, Harry, Ron, and Hermione as he walked silently behind them in a daze.

The Charms Professor was Professor Flitwick. He was a short, fairly young man, with brown hair. He had to stand on a pile of books that was on his chair to see over the class, which Sirius found particularly funny.

"Everyone, please take your seats! I have quite a lesson planned for you today!" he shouted to be heard above the noise of the talking students.

"I hope this isn't another lecture!" Sirius whispered to James as they sat down in their usual seats in the back of the room. Peter tripped on Ron's foot that just _happened_ to trip Peter on his way to sit next to Remus.

"I love Charms class," Lily sighed, sitting down next to her friend Mary.

"So do I," James murmured, overhearing Lily's statement; but he was looking at Lily, not meaning the Charms class.

Once everyone was settled in their seats, Flitwick said, "Okay everyone, instead of learning, I think we should have a DANCE PARTY!" The class erupted in cheers as they threw their books up into the air and began dancing to the rock music that had somehow begun playing in the classroom.

"Prongs, what day is today?" Sirius whispered.

"March 31st, why? Ohhh… I completely forgot about it," James said, a grin forming on his face.

Sirius grinned in the famous Marauder-like way before leaning in to mutter conspiratorially into James' ear.

MEANWHILE…

"HERMIONE!" Remus shouted to be heard about the loud noise. (the room had magically enhanced sound-proofed walls)

"YEAH REMUS?" Hermione yelled back, looking at him as she moved her body in time with the music.

"CAN-WE-TALK-IN-THE-HALLWAY?" he bellowed, gesturing towards the door. Hermione had no idea what he had just said, but guessed it by the hand gesture.

"YEAH!" 'Mione yelled back. Remus nervously led the way outside of the crazy classroom, where Sirius was busy doing the worm on a few combined tables. Thank God they had class with the Hufflepuffs. Some of the Ravenclaws wouldn't have stood for this kind of craziness that was going on in there.

Once the two were outside behind a tapestry (they didn't want to be noticed by any other student ditching class or a teacher walking down the hallway), Remus said, "Honestly, I didn't know what would happen if I chose to go out with you. One reason was because I asked another girl out when Harry told us that you and Ron were snogging, but a deeper reason is because I didn't want to hurt you-,"

"You asked another GIRL out?" Hermione exclaimed in disbelief and a bit of anger.

"Er- sort of. But just let me finish, please 'Mione?"

Hermione jumped at hearing her nickname, but nodded and said in a small voice, "Okay."

"I didn't want to hurt you; I wanted to protect you. And I thought that not being your boyfriend would do that-,"

"Protect me from what?" Hermione asked, having a feeling as to what was coming next.

Remus suddenly looked incredibly nervous and scared, but continued on anyways in a voice barely above a whisper, "Well, um… I'm a… er... werewolf, Hermione," he said, getting straight to the point, biting his lip and anxiously waiting for her reaction; unconsciencely bracing himself for rejection.

Hermione said nothing, but neither did she look surprised when Remus told her this. "Um, Hermione? This would be a good time to say something,"

She blinked, seeming to come out of her thoughts. "Oh Remus, I don't _care_ about any of that! I already knew you were… one of them; I found out in my third year. I care about YOU and what's inside… all of it. I want to be with you, Remus. No matter what!"

Remus let out the breath he just realized he'd been holding, and his face broke into a grin that spread from ear to ear; he noticed Hermione looked as happy as he felt.

Closing the distance between them, Remus leaned forward and kissed Hermione on the lips, wrapping his arms around her waist. She moaned happily before she deepened the kiss, throwing her arms around his neck and closing any remaining distance between them…

MEANWHILE, IN THE CLASSROOM…

"This is definitely the best class period EVER!" Sirius shouted, starting to break dance as the music changed on a bunch of tables that had been thrown together. The class formed a circle around Sirius and began chanting, "SIRI-US! SIRI-US! SIRI-US!"

James hopped up on the table and yelled at the top of his lungs: "DANCE OFF!" The whole classroom cheered as James did a set of complicated break dancing moves, ending his set with spinning upside-down on his head. The classroom went wild, before Flitwick shouted, "SIRIUS' TURN!"

The class turned their attention to Sirius as James caught his breath. Sirius began krumping; Flitwick changed the music to his massive Magically-enhanced stereo (that he had somehow snuck into his classroom without McGonagall finding out) to go along with Sirius' moves. The students 'oohed' as Sirius ended with the worm, and flipped forwards onto his back.

The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs cheered as Sirius finished, turning their attention back to James, giving Sirius a chance to catch his breath.

"OK EVERYONE, THIS IS THE LAST ROUND! MR. POTTER AND MR. BLACK, I WISH YOU EACH THE BEST OF LUCK!" Flitwick shouted, using his wand to make his voice heard above the noise without having to strain his voice.

"JAMES! JAMES! JAMES!" The class cheered as James did five back flips, landing on his feet before he willingly plunged forward and somersaulted forwards. Instead of going onto his feet, he used the forward momentum and pushed himself up into a handstand position before he jumped and twisted on his hands.

To end his part, he did a backwards somersault and landed on his back. Then, James rolled on his side several times before he jumped up and did one last back flip before landing on his feet; his hands in the air and sweat dripping from his face, clearly out of breath.

"Beat that, Black!" James shouted practically out of breath, but he was grinning as he pulled Lily up onto the table and kissed her furiously, which she eagerly accepted. The crowd went wild at this; James' routine would be hard to beat, but then again, this was Sirius Black we were talking about here!

Sirius had been impatiently waiting for the other students to turn their attention to him. So when they finally did, he had a BEYOND brilliant dance routine in mind. He was already moving to the beat the music had magically changed to to fit his mood and the dance he was planning on doing.

Everyone noticed the change in music and turned their attention to Sirius as he flipped onto the ground so his back was facing the ceiling. Not even mere seconds later, he bounced on his back and rose to his feet -not using his hands- and back flipped onto his hands.

Sirius spun on his feet before flipping to the ground, standing on one hand. He bobbed up and down in time with the rap music that was on, supporting himself with that one hand and totally balancing himself- not wavering once.

The crowd was obviously impressed by Sirius' moves; they started chanting "SIRI-US! SIRI-US! SIRI-US!" and cheered wildly as Sirius twisted his body in some crazy dance moves, flipping from one hand to the other.

_I can't let my performance be outdone! _James thought, hysterically. Just as he was about to mutter a curse that would paralyze Sirius' body, Lily grabbed his wand hand so the curse struck some other Hufflepuff kid instead of its original target.

"!" James whined, glowering at his current girlfriend.

"It's not right; after Sirius dances, THEN hex him into the next century, 'kay?" Lily said, looking at him questioningly.

James bit his lip. "Fine. It gives me some time to come up with some REALLY good curses." he agreed reluctantly.

Harry and Ron were busy dancing with a couple hot girls. The one Ron was dancing with got mad and left after he stepped on her foot one too many times, and Harry's got mad after he couldn't remember her name after she told him 'Danielle' over fifteen times. So now, Harry and Ron were busy making fun of Peter.

"What happened to your teeth? Haven't you heard of 'orthodontists'?"

"Aren't you too short to be a seventh year?"

And so on. I think you get the idea.

Sirius finished his turn by spinning on his head before he flipped up onto his feet at a time when no one expected it. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs went wild as it became clear Sirius was done.

After the crazy applause was done (one girl took off her shirt –thankfully she had a bra on- and waved it around in appreciation), Flitwick said, "OBVIOUSLY we have some talented dancers in this class! Now, I want all of you to put your hands in the air AND WAVE 'EM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE if you want MR. JAMES POTTER to be the Dancing Maniac of Charms Class of '87!"

Several hands went up. Squinting to see all of the voters, Flitwick scribbled a number down on a sheet of paper.

"NOW, put your hands in the air _and wave 'em like you just don't care_ if you want MR. SIRIUS BLACK to be the Dancing Maniac of Charms Class of '87!"

Again, lots of hands went up in eager anticipation to see who had won the dance-off. Flitwick wrote down another number.

The music got quieter and someone did a drum roll.

"And the winner is Mr-"

Suddenly, the bell rang about the silenced room just as Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin, and Frank Longbottom burst into the room, all three out of breath.

"Perfect timing," James muttered. Sirius grumbled several unintelligent things under his breath that most certainly would've gotten himself thrown into Confession.

On the other hand, Frank burst out: "THE TEACHERS HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED! EVERYONE, THE TEACHERS HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY LORD VOLDEMORT!"

It was all the class could to but stare in shock at Frank's _completely_ random and unexpected statement as the bell rang continuously.

"Great. Another loony that needs to be thrown into Arkham," Sirius muttered. James looked at Sirius incredulously before muttering under his breath, "I've gotta take those Batman movies away from him,"

"I heard that!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing at James.

"Good. Because even if you hide them I would still find them," James crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at Sirius.

"Very mature, Jamie,"

"You're one to talk,"

"In your dreams, you can't even talk!"

"!" Remus exclaimed.

"I'm NOT sorry!" Sirius said, crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at Remus.

"Neither am I!" James agreed, turning his back to Remus.

"What were you saying, Frank?" Lily prompted, kindly.

"THE TEACHERS HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY LORD VOLDEMORT!"

Everyone's jaw dropped and some of the kids even started laughing at poor Frank, while Sirius said, "What did I tell you? I always knew Frank belonged in Arkham,"

"Let it go, Sirius," James muttered.

"NOT UNTIL SOMEONE GETS THEIR ASS THROWN IN ARKHAM!"

"MAYBE I'LL THROW _YOUR_ ASS IN ARKHAM!"

"'l'D LIKE TO SEE YOU _TRY, _POTTER!"

"I'D DO MORE THAN TRY, BLACK. I WOULD SUCCEED!"

"KEEP ON DREAMIN, POTTER!"

" UUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" Harry exclaimed.

"So you're saying, Frankie, that the teachers have been _brainwashed_ by Voldemort?" Remus asked, incredulously. "How do you know that?"

"BECAUSE I SAW HIM DO IT TO SLUGHORN LAST PERIOD AFTER ALL OF YOU HAD LEFT!" poor little Frank Longbottom shouted.

"And Arkham it is," Sirius said, with an air of finality to his voice.

"Agreed." James stated, nodding his head.

"Guys? What class do we have next?" Ron asked.

Sirius' eyes got wide and he broke into a grin as he realized, "LUNCH! LET'S GO, JAMIE!" Grabbing James by the arm, Sirius pulled James out into the hallway, where they both raced each other to lunch.

"YOU'LL SEE WHO'S RIGHT AT LUNCHTIME! THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU _EVER_ DOUBTED THE WORD OF FRANK LONGBOTTOM!" Frank screeched after a stream of laughing teenagers barging out of the classroom in their hurry to get to lunch, many people's favorite time of day.

Frank stayed behind, angry and upset no one had believed him. Crossing his arms, he started to leave the classroom before Flitwick appeared silently out of nowhere in front of him. Flitwick narrowed his eyes and said, "I want to suck your BLOOD!"

Any remaining color left Frank's face as he high-tailed it out of the Charms classroom as fast as his feet could carry him; heading towards the Great Hall.

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OK, I need all of you viewers to tell me in a REVIEW or PM who should win the dance off! Sirius Black or James Potter?


	15. Lunchtime

For the first order of things, I apologize a thousand times over for this late update, and hope all of you can forgive me (again) as I get on my knees and beg your forgiveness. *proceeds to do so*

Now, I'd like to thank** future-famous-jen**, **LoganLover8128**, **Hermione09Weasley**, and **14hp1** for **reviewing! **

Hopefully this is just as good as the others, although I think there's a little less funny and a bit more crazed-plot in it.

(disclaimer: i don't own harry potter and related characters)

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Chapter Fourteen: LUNCH

"This is going to be an interesting lunch for Hogwarts," Voldemort said, rubbing his hands together excitedly while cackling evilly in the basement of Lucius Malfoy's mansion. Realizing something, he yelled into the kitchen, "AND I WANT KETCHUP ON THAT HOT DOG! NOT MUSTARD, YOU BRATS!" Muttering to himself, Voldemort muttered, "Why does American Muggle food have to taste so fucking good?"

"Now, the theme for today's lunch is- WILL YOU CUT THE DRUM ROLL, BLACK?" Professor McGonagall yelled. "As I was saying, the theme for today's lunch IS… AMERICAN FOOD!"

The students (except for the Slytherins) all erupted into cheers, as American Food was some of people's favorites. It was Spirit Week at Hogwarts; most people's favorite time of year. It was preparation for the Homecoming dance after the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch game the day before the dance, and everyone (except the Slytherins, of course. They never enjoy anything… Except torturing others) usually enjoyed themselves one way or another.

"I absolutely LOVE American food!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing a piece of pizza off of a tray and stuffing it in his mouth.

"I agree," James said, nodding his head.

"It's bad for you," Lily said, crossing her arms and refused to eat anything.

"Lily, this isn't McDonald's food, and besides, I think everything here has been made healthier because the House Elves made them," Hermione said, trying to comfort her.

"Fine, I'm hungry anyways!" Lily exclaimed, giving in easily and grabbing an apple.

"Lily, you've gotta have more than that! Celebrate the TRUE meaning of American Food Day!" James said, grabbing some fries from none other than McDonalds.

"Don't push her like that, James!" Hermione said, defending Lily.

"Whatever, Hermione. She just doesn't know what she's missing out on," James muttered, grabbing a Coke. And THEN he ran into a problem.

"Lily?" James asked.

"Yeah, James?" Lily replied, looking at him curiously.

"How do you open a can of Coke?"

Lily immediately burst into hysterical laughter; consequently, James turned bright red while he started to say, "Um, Lils-,"

"I'm sorry James! It's just that I've had soda cans before, and I'm so used to it, I forgot some people have never had a soda can before," Lily said, fighting back her giggles.

Lily took the can from James, and demonstratively showed him how to open it in exaggeratedly slow movements, saying, "You just pull up on the lid, here," She pulled it up; James jumped when a hissing sound came from the bottle. Grinning, Lily said, "Relax, its perfectly normal for it to do that. Then all you do is push it back," She did so, and took a long swig of the drink.

"Hey! That's mine!" James exclaimed, and tried grab the drink from her. However, Lily held the Coke away from James, giggling, "You're going to have to work for it, James!"

"Oh, come on, Lily!" he begged, trying to reach over her body to grab it from her.

"You're supposed to be James Potter, the Mighty Quidditch Player, and you can't get a Coke from your girlfriend?" Lily taunted, teasingly.

"Oh, it's on, Lily!" James exclaimed, pulling out his wand and said, "_Accio Lily's Coke!"_

"No fair, you cheated!" she said as the Coke forced itself out of her hands and floated into James'.

"It's all fair in love and war, sweetums," James smirked, sipping his drink victoriously.

Lily rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever, James," while taking a Diet Coke for herself.

Sirius had watched the little "fight" between James and Lily, and could only roll his eyes at how ridiculous it was. Reaching for a Coke for himself, James let out an estranged scream, "NOOOOOO!" and in a spectacular burst of speed, snatched the Coke Sirius was about to take and threw it across the room- toward the Slytherins, no doubt. (It hit Bellatrix Lestrange on the head, knocking her out)

"What the HELL was that for?" Sirius exclaimed.

"You don't know what it's like to be around you when you're hyper, Padfoot," James said, glancing slightly at Lily- who was looking at her boyfriend like he was a ghost.

Just now noticing that the everyone in the entire Great Hall was looking at the most infamous people at Hogwarts and that the room went silent, Sirius said loudly, "Relax everyone- everything is fine here, go back to the delicious food the House Elves so graciously prepared for you!"

After a few seconds, everyone went back to what they were doing, and the noise level soon returned to normal, although more people were trying to listen in on the Marauders' conversation now.

Grumbling and muttering incoherent words under his breath, Sirius grabbed a Coke when James was being captivated by Lily's attractiveness, opened it and took a long sip, just to show that James wasn't the boss of him.

Hermione and Remus were totally infatuated with each other, giggling secretive things and sharing a plate of food- acting like a real couple.

"Hey Harry! What's with you? You look deep in thought, for once," Ron asked, being insightful for the first time in his life.

"I was thinking about what Frank said earlier- about the teachers being brainwashed by Lord Mold-y-butt. Do you think it's true?" Harry asked, turning to Ron.

"Ummm, I think you're crazy for even THINKING about it. It's just paranoia, Harry," Ron said, digging into his own super-sized burger.

Harry, for once being smart, barely touched his food, and chose to suspiciously observe the teachers instead; slowly taking sips from his cherry-flavored Mountain Dew.

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make! Be silent!" Dumbledore shouted, standing up and banging on the table.

The students in the Great Hall became silent, if only because they knew what Dumbledore could do to them if they didn't comply with his demand.

"Now, we all know our teachers' behavior today has been a little… off… but I plan to change that! The rules will become stricter, and we will give the students cruel and unusual punishments for their disobedience, right Professor McGonagall?"

"Right, Professor Dumbledore. We will not stand for any disobedience to these rules laid down to us by a certain person,"

Just then, Harry noticed something. "Where's Frank?" he asked.

"I dunno. Probably worshipping some voodoo doll or something. He was always a bit loopy," Sirius said offhandedly, shrugging.

Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Does Frank always miss lunch?"

"No- he's always been on time so he could have more "Alice Time"," Sirius answered, finally noticing what Harry was getting at.

"You wouldn't think…?"

Just then, Dumbledore let out a very un-Dumbledore-ish, evil-sounding laugh with Professor McGonagall, and ordered, "TEACHERS, ADVANCE UPON THE WEAKLINGS!" Immediately, the teachers sitting at the Head Table got up simultaneously, and in a zombie-like trance, began advancing towards the students.

"I think we should… RUN!" someone from the Ravenclaw table screeched, and everyone instantly scrambled out of their seats, heading towards the door.

Drinks and plates of food were thrown aside as panicking students started screaming and tried to get out of the Great Hall before the zombified-teachers got to them.

"What do we do?" Ron shrieked as they scrambled from the Great Hall.

"I don't know!" Remus exclaimed, stress marks forming on his forehead.

"What happened to Frank?" Lily yelled, trying to stay connected to James so she wouldn't get separated from him.

"The Room of Requirement!" James yelled at the top of his lungs, trying to be heard over the noise of panicked students.

Luckily, all eight heard James' cry somehow, and all raced to get to the Room of Requirement.

Harry got there first, and panting, said, "We need a place to hide, where no one will find us!" A door appeared, and opening it, Harry stepped through it, quickly followed by James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, Ron, Hermione, and (unfortunately) Peter.

"What are we going to do?" James said, automatically looking at Remus.

"Why are you all looking at me?" Remus exclaimed, his voice a little high-pitched than usual.

"You're the smart one," Sirius said, putting it simply.

"It's true," James nodded, vigorously.

"Well, I don't know! I'm just the guy who fool-proofs plans, not thinks of them!"

"Well, who does that?" Hermione asked.

"James and Sirius," Remus and Peter said simultaneously.

James was focused; deep in thought and his eyes were glazed over. Everyone leaned in towards him, waiting breathlessly to hear what he was going to say.

"I've got it!" he burst out, suddenly, causing the others to jump. "What is it?" they asked, excitedly.

"We need to lead the teachers into one place, and then find a way to de-zombify them."

"De-zombify them?" Peter asked, clueless.

"Find a way to get this curse thing off of them," James elaborated. "And then we… make them do funny and humiliating dances and record them for later blackmailing schemes!"

"James!" Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, first, let's just focus on getting them in one place," Hermione stated, before an argument broke out.

"Good idea. Now, who wants to lead them there?" James asked.

No one raised their hand.

James looked at Peter. "Okay, Pete. Looks like it's up to you!" in a falsely cheery voice. Everyone else nodded fervently.

"No! I can't! It's too scary!" Peter squeaked, curling up into a ball and rolled around on the floor, sucking his thumb. His eyes were wide with panic, and if you didn't know any better, you would've have thought Peter was a wee wittle crybaby.

"Come on, Pete! Take one for the team! You had to be placed in Gryffindor for something, right? Well, this is your chance to prove that!" Sirius encouraged. However, Peter didn't respond to Sirius' encouragement, only his panicked movements faster.

"Alright, then. We go to our next person in line," James said decisively, and turned to Sirius, as did everyone else. That included Remus, Lily, Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"No! Why me?"

"Because you're the daredevil, the guy crazy enough to do anything, even jump off a Hogwarts tower!" James replied.

"Oh yeah, I remember that," Sirius said thoughtfully, grinning upon a seemingly fond memory. However, everyone else in the room looked at him like he was crazy. (Except for Lily and Remus, who had witnessed the event)

"Can you bother to explain that one?" Hermione asked. She looked as if she wasn't sure she wanted to know that story.

"In our fourth year, truth or dare was a really big, important game ever since Lily brought it up at a party," James began to explain.

"Every time Sirius would choose dare. He completed every dare that was given to him, even the one where he had to steal from McGonagall's panties' drawer," he paused for a snicker.

"One day, Snivellus had the nerve to come up to Sirius and dare him to jump off a tower at Hogwarts in front of a huge crowd. Both of them knew Sirius would never be able to live it down if he backed out. Stupid git. Anyways, a few minutes later, Sirius stood at the edge of a fifty-foot Hogwarts tower. Mind you, it was mid-October. Snivellus had let Sirius pick the location, and the git was oblivious to the lake behind him-,"

"There was a large crowd there, and lots of people had tried to talk me out of it, but I didn't listen-," Sirius interrupted.

"Did you really jump off a fifty-foot tower?" Harry asked, staring at Sirius with what might've been renewed and deeper respect.

"Yes! I jumped, much to many people's surprise. I jumped right over their heads, and dived right into the Black Lake! After all, Snivellus never said WHERE I had to jump," Sirius finished the tale, smirking.

"You should've seen the look on Snivellus' face when Sirius actually followed through with it!" James said, laughing.

"Then it's settled. Sirius, you're doing it," Harry said, once the trio had gotten over their shock.

"Fine. But on one condition: I'm not doing it sober," Sirius agreed, finally.

"Awesome! Now let's plan it more carefully; after all, this is one of our most important schemes yet, and it has to be planned to the last detail," James said. He, Sirius, and Lily turned to Remus, while Harry and Ron turned to Hermione. Peter was still rolling around on the floor.

Both of them rolled their eyes, but it was Hermione who asked, "Do you expect us to do all the thinking?"

Everyone else nodded, except for Lily, who shook her head and said, "I'll help," She crawled over to where Hermione and Remus were sitting. Putting their heads together, the three began a series of whispered words, so soft no one else could hear it… except for maybe Sirius, with his enhanced dog ears.

Maybe ten or fifteen minutes later, Lily, Remus, and Hermione emerged from their group huddle, and Hermione announced, "Okay, guys. Here's our plan…" she proceeded to tell everyone else what they would do.

In another five minutes, Sirius crept out of the Room of Requirement under the protection of James' Invisibility Cloak, whispering, "You guys owe me, big time,"

"Yeah, yeah," James said, but the concern showed in his eyes as he gave Sirius a man-hug as a last good-bye before he went back inside the Room of Requirement.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius closed his eyes before he opened them, and a wave of determination swept through him, and he bravely set off to where most of the teachers were.

"Sirius is now on his way," James said, turning back to the others.

"Okay, you guys know what to do, right?" Hermione asked, concern (for their safety) filling her chocolate-brown eyes.

"Yeah, 'Mione, we do," Harry said, anxious to get this over with.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Lily whispered, grabbing Harry's Invisibility Cloak and enlarging it with a wave of her wand.

Lily, James, and Remus snuck off to find Frank using the Marauder's Map that they had duplicated, while Harry, Ron, and Hermione went to gather all of the students under Harry's Invisibility Cloak.

"This blasted plan of yours had better work, Remus," James muttered as he tripped over Lily's foot.

Meanwhile, back in the Room of Requirement, Peter had finished setting up a port key and said, "To Dumbledore!" and touched it.

Peter appeared in front of Dumbledore and McGonagall, saying, "My Lord Voldemort, I know their plan to fight back," and went on his knees, bowing so low that his nose touched the floor.

"You may rise," Voldemortified-Dumbledore boomed. Peter did so, as respectfully as possible. With a nod from Voldemortified-Dumbledore, Peter proceeded to tell him Remus, Lily, and Hermione's plan of attack…

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Thanks for reading, reviews are welcome. :)


	16. After Lunch

Sorry for the long break in chapters. I wrote most of this over Christmas Break. This chapter is less funny, but more action. Just a warning, this is a long one.

Special thanks to** LoganLover8128**, **Hermione09Weasley**, **future-famous-jen**, and **14hp1** for **REVIEWING**! I can always count on you guys to review. :)

Disclaimer:

Me: -looks around- Did something change? Do I actually own Harry Potter? Maybe my luck has turned around and I do own it now!

Sirius: Nope. You still don't.

Me: Are you SERIOUS?

Sirius: Ummm, yeah.

Me: Oops. Sorry, Sirius.

Sirius: -laughs- Don't worry, it happens all the time!

Bellatrix: Die, Black, Die!

Sirius: Screw you, you monster!

Bellatrix: Why so serious?

Sirius: Are you serious? This is getting old.

Bellatrix: I'm just getting started. -grins maliciously-

Sirius: Yikes! -runs and hides-

Bellatrix: Haha, he falls for that every time.

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Chapter Fifteen: Attack! (After lunch is over)

Sirius tiptoed quietly into the Great Hall under the protection of James' cloak. This was where most of the teachers were. They were holding the students that hadn't escaped prisoner; handcuffed to the tables with the teachers acting as guards.

'_Now for the distraction,' _he thought. Sirius had been prepared for this. Pulling his wand out, he pointed it towards the opposite side of the room and whispered, _"Explosiva," _A jet of blue light came out from his wand and erupted towards the other side of the room.

Sirius snickered behind the cloak, and whispered the spell again, sending it in the corner this time. He would have fun with this, oh yes he would. He grinned wickedly as teachers and students alike started screaming and panicking from the explosives.

Others in command would be here in no time, he thought. This was just too good…

James, Lily, and Remus followed the map to Dumbledore's office… where it said Frank was. And the Marauder's Map _never_ lied OR made a mistake.

"What's the password?" Lily whispered.

"Um… I can't remember… and I was in here last week!" James muttered, smacking the palm of his hand onto his forehead.

Remus shook his head- silently saying that he didn't know the password. Lily grumbled something unintelligible under her breath.

But somehow, luck was on their side. Voldemortified-Dumbledore came out of his office with Frank handcuffed and being dragged by Voldemortified-Dumbledore. Peter was following behind the two, nervously looking back and forth as if he expected a ghost to appear out of nowhere.

"I must thank you in telling me the plot to defy me," Voldemortified-Dumbledore stated, not even glancing at Peter.

"You're welcome, My Lord," Peter said.

Remus and Lily's jaw dropped in shock, and James nearly growled in anger if Lily hadn't stepped on his foot. "Ow!" he whispered, rubbing it.

"Did you hear something?" Voldemortified-Dumbledore asked, looking for a source to the noise.

Peter froze, trying to hear any voices. Coming to see something, Peter exclaimed, "It's them! They're here- probably to rescue Frank!" Frank looked around, searching for any place where the three could possibly be hiding.

Voldemortified-Dumbledore smirked very uncharacteristically and said in a dangerous tone, "Come out, little children. Come out, come out wherever you are! I _promise_ I won't hurt you!"

James looked ready to kill Peter; Lily could tell that just by recognizing his expression the evil ideas churning in his head were similar to when Snape called her... that word... in fifth year. As Voldemortified-Dumbledore made his way towards them, Remus covered Lily's mouth, Lily covered James' mouth, and James covered Remus' mouth as they moved slowly backwards.

"Are you here, my children? Speak now or forever hold your peace," the villain laughed at his own "joke".

Suddenly getting an idea, James whispered, "_Stupefy!" _at Voldemortified-Dumbledore. He was caught off-guard, and the spell hit him. Lily, James, and Remus quickly moved over to Frank, grabbed him, and pulled him under the cloak. "Run! We won't have much time!" James said in a low voice.

The four ran as fast as they could away from Voldemortified-Dumbledore, and he was throwing spells wildly left and right. This action caused Peter to duck on the grass so the villain wouldn't help him. Then, a _Stupefy _spell he casted reflected off a piece of glass and hit him in the chest. The four couldn't help but burst out laughing at Voldemortified-Dumbledore's own downfall.

"And now to deal with Peter," James muttered, coming out from under the cloak. He had removed the handcuffs from Frank, and attached them to Voldemortified-Dumbledore and the tree. Before heading to Peter, who was still on the ground who had not yet realized his own leader had fallen, James gave the unconscious Voldemortified-Dumbledore and extra-hard kick in his private. _'That should hurt when he woke up,'_ James thought, wickedly.

Heading over to where Peter was, James turned the double-agent over and glared hatefully at his ex-best friend.

"How is Voldemort controlling the teachers?" James hissed.

"I-I-I don't know," Peter squeaked, panic written on his face.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" James roared, and punched Peter in the face. "HOW IS VOLDEMORT CONTROLLING THE TEACHERS?"

"He-he used the Imperious Curse on the teachers, and did this spell so that he could control the Dumbledore's mind and body," Peter squeaked out.

"HOW IS THAT SPELL BROKEN?"

"Ummm… I don't-don't know!"

"PETER!" James bellowed, his expression dangerously angry and hazel eyes were narrowed in hate.

"I'm going to say this ONE more time, do you hear me?" he hissed. "HOW DO YOU BREAK THAT SPELL?"

Peter opened his mouth and hesitated before he said shrilly, "The Dark Lord said some incantations, but I think it was Occlumency that did it. I think he made sure Dumbledore was asleep when he did it so Dumbledore would be off-guard,"

"Occlumency, of course!" Remus exclaimed, coming out from under the cloak. "Is anyone an Occlumens?" he asked.

Ignoring what Remus said, James began beating Peter up. "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR DECEPTION, PETER!"

"James, we have to get out of here before Voldemort wakes up," Lily said, looking worriedly at her boyfriend.

"Are you DEFENDING the creature?" James exclaimed, horrified and sickened by the mere idea.

"No, I'm not James. I'm just being logical. If Voldemort wakes up and finds us here it won't take him long to get out of the handcuffs and go for us," Lily said.

"Peter, you just got lucky," James hissed, punching Peter once in the head so he would be knocked out.

"Fine, I guess I'll try it. I learned a little bit about Occlumency from a book," Remus said, annoyed he had been ignored.

Remus reached out with his mind toward Professor Dumbledore's body, where Voldemort's mind still lurked, ready and waiting. He entered the mind that Voldemort had taken over, and shuddered at all of the darkness that laid there. Concentrating hard, he pushed with all of his might, trying to force all of the evil out of the Headmaster's mind.

Meanwhile, James was busy sitting on Peter and holding his face into the ground. Not that it mattered; Peter was unconscious. He was also laughing at Remus' constricted facial expression. Even Lily looked like she was trying hard not to laugh.

The darkness jerked forward with a strong attack, so strong it almost threw Remus out of the mind. But he held steady, and pushed back as hard as he could, nearly throwing the evil out of Dumbledore's mind.

"He really does look constricted, doesn't he?" Frank said, laughing with James, although he felt a bit guilty for doing so.

The battle for Dumbledore's mind continued this way for a while, until Remus finally began tiring. Using this to his advantage, Voldemort began pushing harder until Remus was almost out of Dumbledore's mind. (Back in Lucius' manor, the Death Eaters in the same room as their Dark Lord were snickering at his constricted expression)

Terrified that he would lose, Remus gathered all of the strength he had left, and hurled it all at Voldemort. The result was that Voldemort was casted out of Dumbledore's mind completely in a sudden wave of strength that surprised even Voldemort himself.

"HA! TAKE THAT YOU MONSTER!" Remus shouted, punching the air as the villain was thrown out, and Dumbledore recovered his body. The werewolf seemed to come out of his constricted facial expression and into one that was victorious, only to see that James, Lily, and Frank were laughing hysterically by now, and they were all sitting on Peter's unconscious body. Cluelessly, he asked, "What's everyone laughing about?"

This only caused the three to laugh even harder.

"Come on guys, what's so funny?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sneaking around under the cloak, whispering directions and reassuring students that everything was under control and that it was just a drill of some sort.

"This is too easy," Harry said, suspicious.

"One of the first times a plan of ours has actually worked without screwing up!" Ron said, excited at that thought.

"Come on, we've got to let more students know what's going on," Hermione said, dragging the two along to the other classrooms where students were being held.

"You're too paranoid," Ron muttered, rolling his eyes at Harry.

"But it's too easy!" Harry argued. "Everything's going according to plan, and it's always harder than this…" he trailed off. Something was bugging him, nagging him in the back of his mind. What was it? Racking his brains, Harry tried to come up with an answer to his paranoia. Harry's eyes widened in horror and he gasped as he realized what it was. "PETER!" Harry blurted, causing both Ron and Hermione to slap their hands over his mouth. Luckily, no one was in the corridor to hear the shout.

Peeling off his friends hands off of his mouth, Harry said, "Peter heard all of our plans, and he wasn't involved in any of it! He must've went straight to Vold-y-butt!"

"No!" Hermione's brown eyes were wide with horror and dread as what Harry said sunk in.

"And just when we though a plan would work without something going horribly wrong," Ron muttered, smacking his palm on his forehead.

Hermione's brain was already working. "We can still make this work! If we warn the others-,"

"How, Hermione? How exactly do we warn them? We are SCREWED!" Harry burst out, leaning against the wall of the corridor and sinking to the floor. Hermione and Ron did the same, if only to keep Harry from being seen.

"We aren't screwed, Harry. There's always hope, and maybe the others realized Peter was fraud, too. Perhaps they already made a plan against it, and maybe Peter's being severely tortured now," Hermione tried to comfort Harry.

"Yeah," Ron put in. "We can always regroup and change our plans. That's why plans are flexible," he added.

"But what can we do _now?_" Harry asked.

Harry and Hermione were silent, thinking on solutions. Ron was occupied watching a mosquito fly around a torch on the wall until it went too close and was burned to the crisp. "Stupid mosquito," Ron sniggered, causing Harry and Hermione to stare at him. Turning as red as his hair a mumbled, "Sorry," escaped his mouth, causing Harry and Hermione to snicker.

"What?" Ron said, turning even redder.

"Nothing," the other two said simultaneously through muffled laughter.

"I GOT IT!" Harry burst out in a victorious shout, making Ron and Hermione smack their hands over his mouth again as they quickly stood up. Ron lost his balance and fell, making the other two fall down, earning a "Ronald!" from Hermione and a smack on the back of the head from Harry. Getting up again, this time without Ron falling, they managed to get out of the corridor they were in before someone came to see what the noise was about.

It was then that the trio realized that they were alone. There was no one in the nearby classrooms, no one anywhere. _It's like a ghost town_, Harry thought, suppressing a shiver.

"Ow! Ron, that was my foot!" Hermione glared at the unfortunate redhead. She smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ouch! What is with people always finding the need to smack me on the head?" Ron snapped, glowering at Hermione.

"Shut up you two, I'm trying to figure out where everyone went!" Harry said, his forehead creased into many lines.

"Sorry," they chorused, not looking sorry at all.

Suddenly, the trio heard a loud BANG come from the Great Hall.

"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed, eyes widening in fear for the younger version of his godfather.

"Let's go," Hermione stated, and Ron nodded fervently in agreement. The three broke into a run as they saw no one in the hallways or classrooms, seeing that no one would be there to see their feet under the Invisibility Cloak.

Meanwhile, Sirius was having too much fun causing a ruckus and making everyone in the room go in to a state of panic. Glancing at the doors, Sirius was pleased to see that there were more adults coming in, drawn to whatever noise was coming from the Great Hall.

"I love what I do," Sirius muttered, throwing another spell out from under the cloak.

In the most unexpected moment, he tripped over the cloak, and his leg was out of the protection of James' cloak!

"Shit," Sirius muttered, standing up as fast as he could and covered himself up. But it was too late- Someone had already noticed a leg sticking out of thin air, and some teachers that were probably under the Imperious Curse were already moving his way.

Sirius did the first thing that came to his mind. He ran, which was a bit more than slightly difficult wearing the cloak.

James, Remus, and Lily were having a bit too much fun torturing Peter by sitting on him. Really, they were waiting for Dumbledore to come to, but were taking advantage of the situation. James and Lily were snogging, and Remus had thrown maturity in the drain for a few minutes to kick and mock their ex-best friend… which was a tad bit stupid, as Peter was unconscious.

There was a slight groan from Dumbledore that Remus was instantly aware of. He gave James a hard nudge, and after James had finished glaring at him long enough for Remus to gesture comically towards their stirring Headmaster.

"He's waking up!" Lily whispered, her bright green eyes wide.

"Do you think he's still possessed?" James asked, worriedly.

"I doubt it," Remus reassured, but the undercover werewolf still looked uneasy.

As the Headmaster groaned and opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his three favorite students sitting on a body he didn't recognize. As he stared some more at the unmoving body, he identified the limp body as Peter Pettigrew.

"What happened?" Dumbledore asked.

"Voldemort possessed you," Lily answered, and her expression showed the truth.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and asked, "How did you stop Voldemort from possessing me?"

"Remus did, with Occlu-what-ya-ma-call-it," James replied. Lily giggled. The Headmaster looked at Remus curiously, who in turn had turned slightly red.

"You did it, Remus? Impressive, it is hard to defeat Voldemort, much less do what you did. I am in your debt, thank you,"

"Erm, it was no trouble at all, really," Remus said, a bit uncomfortable at the high praise.

"So what else has happened?"

"He put the teachers under the Imperious Curse. However, everyone should be in the Great Hall by now," James informed him. For some reason he had a smirk on his face, Dumbledore noted.

Suddenly, there was shouting. Sirius seemed to appear out of nowhere and out of breath.

"What happened, Padfoot?" James asked, concerned and by his best friends side in no time at all.

After Sirius had caught his breath, he said, "I was having a jolly good time of blowing things up, and then… I uh…"

"What happened?" James said, looking directly at him.

"I, uh… ," Sirius said, as fast as he could.

Only James understood what he said, who stared at Sirius with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"You didn't,"

"I did," Sirius pulled on his collar awkwardly.

It was then that James burst into fits of hysterical laughter.

"I might add that there are teachers under the Imperious Curse chasing after me?"

"Did you lose them?"

Sirius gave James a look that clearly said, 'Are you stupid? I'm a Marauder, of course I lost them'.

"Right," James said, and turned to Dumbledore. He raised his eyebrows, silently asking the wise wizard what to do.

Dumbledore thought long and hard. His forehead creased, and frowned.

"Only the caster of the Imperious Curse can release the curse. It is obvious the it was Voldemort himself who casted the spells- he wouldn't trust anyone else to do such a job that important,"

"Voldemort possessed your mind. Would it be possible for you to possess his?" Remus asked.

"It might be," Dumbledore stroked his bread thoughtfully, and the light at the end of the tunnel became just a bit brighter at Remus' suggestion. "Voldemort's shields are strong- he would have to be distracted, and we would have to strike at just the right moment,"

"I can provide the distraction," Sirius offered. He was good at distractions- one of his specialties, as James often said.

"No!" James shouted, and looked a bit uncomfortable as everyone turned to stare at him. Biting his lip, he said, "I can distract him," he didn't look at Sirius.

"Do you honestly think I would risk students' safety in a situation like this?" Dumbledore inquired, and both boys had the decency to look a tad embarrassed.

Suddenly, there was a huge BANG in the courtyard, and smoke and coughing ensued. Once the smoke cleared, the three Marauders, Lily, and Dumbledore could see Voldemort in the flesh.

"Voldemort, what a pleasant surprise," Dumbledore said, the politeness in his voice painfully fake.

"I could say the same," the Dark Wizard sneered.

Glancing around, Dumbledore noticed that the 7th year Gryffindors had vanished, presumably hiding under their cloak. Good, Voldemort wouldn't be able to hurt them if he didn't know they were there. He didn't want any students to get hurt in this situation.

"So, Tom. How has it been going for you?"

Voldemort recoiled at the use of his real name, but hissed, "Not bad, actually. There has been an annoying old geezer in my way though,"

"Oh really? Who might this Light Wizard be?" Dumbledore feigned, having a feeling Tom was talking about him.

"You, fool!" Voldemort hissed, and hurled an _"Avada Kedavra"_ at the Headmaster. Dumbledore dodged, and this set off a fury of spells and curses from the archrivals.

A few minutes later, the courtyard was hopelessly destroyed. Rubble littered the grass, and the fountain had split in half, courtesy of Voldemort. The water now flowed freely from it. Both wizards were breathing hard. Dumbledore knew if he wanted to come out of this with as few casualties as possible, he would have to end this soon.

"Are you finished, old man?" Voldemort taunted.

"Not quite," he said in the calm voice he knew infuriated Tom. Suddenly, the Headmasters expression changed to one of surprise as he looked out at something behind him and said, "Oh, my God! What's that?" and pointed in the same direction.

Voldemort sneered and said, "Did you really think that trick would work on me, the greatest Dark Wizard of this time?"

"No, I meant it," Dumbledore insisted, and held back a laugh as James and Sirius hit his age old rival on the back of the head with a glass bottle, which shattered against his head. Voldemort looked so surprised, the Light Wizard knew this was his chance. He dived into the villain's mind, taking control over every little brain cell Tom possessed.

"Now, remove the Imperious Curse from the teachers of Hogwarts," Dumbledore ordered, when he was certain Voldemort was controlled.

Without hesitation, the Dark Wizard raised his wand and lifted the Imperious Curse.

"Say you're a weenie," the Headmaster ordered, when he saw Lily with the video camera. "This is so going on YouTube," she said, laughing.

"I'm a weenie!" Voldemort exclaimed.

"Do a funny jig," his enemy began doing the jig, and he could barely suppress his laughter. Dumbledore couldn't look at Sirius and James- his resolve not to laugh would definitely break.

James mouthed something to him, and Dumbledore said, "Do the worm!"

Voldemort went down on the ground and began doing a strange, demented version of the worm.

At the most random time he could think of, Sirius ran up and kicked Voldemort in his private. "Ha ha!" he taunted, before running back to James.

"Say you're a Muggle-loving Light Wizard who loves puppies and is in love with Lucius Malfoy!"

"I'm a Muggle-loving Light Wizard who loves puppies and is in love with Lucius Malfoy!" Voldemort repeated.

"Say you've seduced Lucius Malfoy and am proud of it,"

"I have seduced Lucius Malfoy and am proud of it!"

This continued for quite some time, before Dumbledore became aware that the entire school was watching this scene.

"This is, uh, not what it looks like," was all Dumbledore could come up with. James and Sirius looked at each other and shrugged.

James saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the crowd of people, laughing silently. He noticed with amusement that Lily was still recording.

Considering the rest of the things James had witnessed at Hogwarts, it had been a pretty boring day for the most part.


	17. The Feast

Hey everyone! I updated quicker this time- I'm so proud of myself! I hope that all of you readers like this chapter as well. :) However, I fear it is not as long as others have been, sorry about that. :(

I would like to thank **Soreye** and **future-famous-jen** for **REVIEWING! **Thanks so much!

(disclaimer): I don't own Harry Potter, do I Sirius?

Sirius: Nope! You don't own anything at all!

Me: That's nice of you...

Harry: HEY! ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!

Sirius: Oh, shut it.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: The Feast

"This is amazing! An entire feast in our honor, can you believe it?" Sirius grinned, high-five James at the Gryffindor table.

"Well, their would've had the feast anyways; there's always a feast at Homecoming on Friday," Lily pointed out, but her face was glowing as she glanced at James.

"Hogwarts would have been screwed without us!" Ron announced.

"But it all came down to Remus and his Occlumency," Hermione said, smiling at Remus. He smiled back and put his arm around her waist.

"That is also true," Sirius admitted.

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when Dumbledore boomed, "SILENCE!" Immediately, all noise ceased to exist.

"Now I know we normally have this feast anyways, but this time it is in honor of the brave Gryffindor's who helped rid the castle of Lord Voldemort. I would personally like to thank Mr. Remus Lupin for saving my life, and to say that if Mr. Lupin had not done what he had done, this day would have been very different. I would also like to thank James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry P-,"

"Can we eat now?" Sirius yelled, absentmindedly rubbing his stomach, which let out a loud growl. That earned glares or amused looks from the teachers, and giggles and chuckles from the students.

"Geez, Padfoot, that was polite," Remus said with a frown.

"You have no idea how hungry I am!" Sirius argued. James shrugged, Lily rolled her eyes, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione weren't paying attention, too engaged in their own private conversation. Peter was sitting at the end of the table… all alone, like he deserved.

Dumbledore had obviously recovered from the more than impolite interruption, and said, "Let the feast begin!" With a clap of his hands, plates appeared at every persons spot (Peter only got half a plate), and food filled up every last piece of surface on the tables.

The room immediately filled with action as every student began reaching for the food. (Someone knocked Peter off the table and he fell on the floor. He ran out of the room crying.)

"Damn these House Elves really know how to cook!" Ron said through a mouth full of meat.

"Tell me about it!" Harry agreed, slurping some pumpkin juice.

"You two are disgusting," Hermione said, scooting away from them and closer to Remus.

"Well that's why you chose Mr. Goody Two Shoes over me," Ron said, with another mouth full of food.

"He's got a point," Remus said, when Hermione looked at him questionably.

The brunette looked like she was going to argue, but then realized Remus was probably right and instead just kissed him.

"You're a lovely kisser," Remus complimented, when they broke apart. He was breathing hard, which was saying something because he had enhanced lungs for being a werewolf.

"You're not so bad yourself," Hermione said, equally breathless. Both of them were glowing happily.

"Disgusting," Ron said, crossing his arms.

"Agreed," Harry nodded.

"I miss Lavender," Ron said, seconds later. "She's a really good at that stuff,"

"I miss Cho… she was sad and crying all the time but she was one hell of a kisser," Harry stated. They burst into sobs and hugged each other.

Meanwhile, everyone who wasn't James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, or Hermione stared at Harry and Ron with their jaws that fell open all the way to the floor.

"Damn," was all Frank could say. The Gryffindor male next to him nodded in silent agreement, equally shocked.

Meanwhile, James and Sirius were busy passing an apple back and forth.

"This is fun!" Sirius grinned.

"It _is_, Padfoot!" James said, surprised that playing catch with an apple could be so much fun.

Sirius' eyes lit up, bright with excitement.

"What's your idea?" James asked.

"I was thinking we could-,"

"Throw it at those evil, no good," James caught on to the idea quickly.

"Slytherins."

"Brilliant, mate!" James praised. "Now, shall I throw it or you?"

"I will, it's my idea!"

"What if I wanted to throw it?"

"Too bad, my apple,"

"I wanna throw it!"

"No, I do!"

"I do!

"It was MY FRICKIN IDEA, I HAVE RIGHTS TO IT!"

"Well guess who holds the apple now, Padfoot?" James smirked, tossing the apple up and down in his hand. Sirius narrowed his eyes, and as James made the mistake of tossing it up one more time, Sirius grabbed the apple and snatched it right out of the air!

"You were saying?" It was Sirius' turn to smirk, holding up the apple triumphantly.

Just as James was about to leap onto Sirius, Lily coughed loudly, "_Ahem,_" She held up a second apple, and looking a bit sheepish, James accepted the apple from the red head.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Anytime," Lily returned with a grin. He kissed her on the cheek, causing her to blush.

"Ready?" Sirius asked.

"When you are," James answered.

"On the count of three."

"Two."

"One."

Both Gryffindors hurled the apples at their unsuspecting and unfortunate Slytherin targets, Snivellus and Bellatrix. Both apples hit them right on the head, causing Bellatrix and Snivellus's faces to go straight into their plate of food!

Sirius and James immediately cracked up laughing, and even Lily was giggling. No one noticed two flying apples, as they were too busy engaged in their own activities, which was either talking, eating, snogging, or all three. Although the prospect of doing all three sounded disgusting, even to Sirius.

Hermione and Remus were too busy interacting with each other to notice anything, and Harry and Ron were just finishing up a good cry, and were staring at James, Sirius, and Lily as if they were crazy or something.

"What did we miss this time?" Harry asked.

Before anyone could reply, an apple went soaring through the air and hit Ron in the back of the head, pushing his head into his meal. There was laughter coming from the Slytherin table, and James and Sirius glared at the Slytherins who had the nerve to fight back.

"We'll show them," Sirius muttered, and grabbing a pie off of the table, he hurled it at the group of laughing Slytherins. That sure as hell shut them up.

"Great one, Padfoot! That'll show them they can't mess with us!" James crowed, spotting another pie and made a go for it at the same time as Harry.

"My pie!" Harry snapped.

"No, my pie!" James retorted, and as both of them tried to get it away from the other, Lily rolled her eyes and took another pie on the table and handed it to James wordlessly.

"Thank you, love," James said, and let go of the pie he would have fought Harry for.

"You're welcome, James," Lily rolled her eyes. But her mouth opened in surprise as a pie seemed to come out of nowhere. James just barely managed to dodge it, and it landed on the floor.

"Good reflexes, Prongs," Sirius said, and finding no more pie, he grabbed a half-eaten piece from a first year and threw it at the Slytherin table, ignoring the "Hey! What was that for?" from the first year boy. It successfully hit Bellatrix Lestrange, just what Sirius wanted.

McGonagall was in another row with Slughorn, Dumbledore was dozing, Flitwick was busy showing off his charms skills to anyone who bothered to pay attention, the other teachers were busy with the food, and the few remaining teachers were watching the argument with McGonagall and Slughorn with deep interest.

"And it makes you wonder why the teachers don't notice this kind of thing," Lily muttered, looking up at Dumbledore's table, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

"They're oblivious to almost everything that goes on here, love," James said, putting his arm around Lily.

"And would you have anything to do with it?" Lily raised her eyebrow.

"Just maybe," James smirked. Suddenly, his eyes widened and pushed Lily down before ducking himself. The next thing they knew, there was a horrifying on slaughter of pie.

"Damn Slytherins. Just who the bloody hell do they think they are?" James growled.

"Um… Slytherins?" Lily tried.

"You have a point there," James admitted, before he hurled a piece of pie over at the Slytherin table.

As Lily was moving getting up, one hit her in the face!

"This means war. No one throws pie at my girlfriend and gets away with it!" James exclaimed, glaring angrily at the Slytherin table. Lily muttered a spell, and all of the pie disappeared from her face, as if it had never been there in the first place.

Just to be safe, Lily put a spell around her that protected her from any projectiles, like pie. She was worried about James, who was whispering to Sirius in a fiercely urgent way that gave her a very bad feeling in her stomach.

James and Sirius put their wands together, and murmured an incantation she couldn't catch, and instantly, pie started to come out of thin air faster than you could say, "Peter's a scaredy-rat!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sirius laughed, while James sneered, "That's what you get, you lousy _Slytherins_!"

Every Slytherin had ducked for cover when the on slaughter of pies continued at a scary rate. Even people from other houses had ducked under their tables.

"Um, Prongs, what was the spell that stopped the pie?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know!" James replied. His eyes were wide with panic as he tried to remember the reverse spell.

"REMUS!" Sirius shouted. Remus jumped in his seat, startled out of his trance.

"What?" Remus snapped, annoyed that his "Mione Time" had been interrupted.

"What was the name of the spell that stopped the pie from coming?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Honestly you two, will you ever stay out of trouble?"

"Nope!" they chorused, cheerfully.

"It's _'Reverso Pie Incantartum'_," Remus sighed.

"Thanks, Moony! You're a lifesaver!" Sirius exclaimed, stopping the pies from coming out of his wand. James did it soon after.

"So I've been told," Remus muttered sarcastically before turning his attention back to Hermione.

When Sirius looked around him, he was surprised to see the damage that the pies had left. Most of them were somewhere along the Slytherin side, covering the walls, tables, and students.

"This'll be fun," he muttered, sarcastic as always.

"I'M THE SARCASTIC ONE, DON'T YOU FORGET IT!" Harry shouted at him, angry that people had been sarcastic, when he was the King of Sarcasm… or the Sarcasm King.

"Nice, Padfoot," James muttered, sarcastically.

"ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BE SARCASTIC! I'M THE KING OF SARCASM!" Harry screamed.

Sirius snickered, and James glowered, grumbling some unintelligible yet undoubtedly dark words under his breath.

"What goes around comes around," Sirius smirked.

"Shut up," James crossed his arms.

Unexpectedly, pies flew out of the air and hit James and Sirius in the face repeatedly!

"DUCK!" Sirius screamed.

Had it not been for Sirius' shout, the two Gryffindors would have been pelted in an on slaughter of pies. However, they didn't completely avoid being hit. Not even their luck was _that_ good.

Sirius reached over and licked a piece of pie off of James' face. A pause as he tasted it. "Yum… cherry!"

"Shut up," James muttered. But that didn't stop him from tasting some of the pie. "I DO taste good!"

Sirius burst into laughter. When James looked at him, Sirius said, "That sounded seriously wrong, Prongs,"

"Whatever," James rolled his eyes at Sirius. Pointing his wand at Snivellus, James whispered, "_Multiplius Pie,"_ Pies immediately started shooting out of his wand, flew over the Ravenclaw table, and hit Snivellus directly in the head.

"Do it to Bellatrix!" Sirius said, eagerly.

James complied to Sirius' request, moving his wand over to where Bellatrix was sitting. Laughing, the duo high-fived each other at the thrill of successful revenge… until they felt a hand on each of their shoulders, and a stern feminine voice said, "You boys are in so much trouble!"

James and Sirius shared a look that clearly said, 'Oh shit,'. McGonagall harshly grabbed both of them by the ears and dragged them all the way to her office.

"You two boys are in so much trouble! Throwing pies at people? Mr. Potter, that's a fine example to be setting, being the Head Boy. You have to set an example for everyone, and you will have detention for a month!"

"But Professor-,"

"THE SLYTHERINS STARTED IT!" Sirius shouted.

James nodded, and McGonagall looked from James to Sirius and back again, before saying, "Did Slughorn put them up to it?"

Sirius and James looked at each other, surprise showing in their features before nodding, "Yes!"

McGonagall stared at the pair, sizing them up and said, in a way a conspirator would, "Slughorn's been getting on my nerves with his, "Slytherin's are better than everyone else" talk. I want to get… revenge… and you two are going to help me get it,"

James and Sirius raised their eyebrows at each other, before asking simultaneously, "What's in it for us?"

"You will be immune from detention for the rest of the year," McGonagall stated.

Sirius crossed his arms disbelievingly, while James said, "What's the catch?"

"You will have to get revenge on whomever I say for the rest of the year."

'_This could be interesting,'_ James thought, and one glance at Padfoot told him he was thinking the same thing.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Sirius asked. James gave a sharp nod, not taking his eyes off of the Deputy Headmistress.

"Do we still have to complete this punishment?" James asked.

"No," McGonagall replied.

James said, "We'll do it for a month, if we receive exemption from punishment during that time as well."

McGonagall turned to Sirius to see if he agreed with James' proposition, and when he didn't protest, McGonagall said, "We have an accord."

Shaking on their strange deal, McGonagall said, "I want you to get Slughorn—HUMILIATE him so that he'll regret ever thinking Slytherins were ever better than Gryffindors,"

James and Sirius smirked at each other, before turning to McGonagall and they said at the same time, "Do you doubt our abilities, Minnie?"

"Don't push it," Professor McGonagall snapped, before heading back to the Great Hall.

"That was… unexpected," Sirius spoke for the both of them.

"Tell me about it," James agreed, and the two strolled back to the Great Hall, both of them pondering the best way to humiliate Slughorn, who they disliked as well.

When they arrived at the Great Hall, however, they found that the feast was over and the grand room was abandoned.

"Don't feel quite like going upstairs yet," Sirius commented airily.

"I know exactly what you mean," James smirked.

"Feel like giving some Slytherins a scare tonight?" Sirius asked casually.

"I thought you'd never ask!" James grinned and high fived Sirius. James took out his Invisibility Cloak and the Map, while Sirius brought out some hidden prank supplies. Sharing a smirk, the two left the Great Hall, and prepared to scare the living shit out of the "All Mighty" Slytherins. One would almost feel sorry for the poor Slytherin victims…

* * *

Hate it? Love it? Did you LMAO through the whole thing? Let me know by pressing that green button in the middle of the screen... love you all!


	18. The Quidditch Match

Hello everyone! I'm proud to say that I updated quickly this time. I think I'm finally getting the hang of it. :)

I would like to thank **LoganLover8128**, **Soreye**, and **future-famous-jen** for **REVIEWING! **Reviews are just like birthdays, getting an A on a test, or finding five dollars in your jeans pocket. It's a random act of kindness, and everyone should do it. :)

Disclaimer:

Me: this is the last disclaimer that you'll get from me, FANFICTION!

Sirius: But-but-but-

Me: But what, Sirius?

Sirius: I WILL MISS THEM!

Bellatrix: They ARE fun. I like being able to make fun of Sirius.

Sirius: HEY!

Me: Whatever. Just read the chapter, will you?

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: The Quidditch Match

At two o'clock in the morning, James and Sirius snuck back into the Gryffindor Common Room, holding their sides and silently laughing.

"That was bloody brilliant, Prongs!" Sirius said, high-fiving James.

"Yeah, that was incredible, wasn't it, Padfoot?"

"We scared the living hell out of them!"

"I almost feel sorry for them…"

"You do?"

"I said _almost,_ Padfoot."

"Oh, right… So do you have any ideas for humiliating Slughorn?"

"A few, but I'll think of more later. I need a good night's sleep to think up some really good ideas."

"Okay, Prongs. I'll be up there in a few hours… I have a girl to meet."

"Who is it _this_ time?"

"Emma."

"Emma Taylor? But that's Amos Diggory's girlfriend, and don't you have a girlfriend of your own?"

"Yep! The very same Emma Taylor, and it doesn't mean anything. It's just a one night stand, she's well-aware of that."

"Right, Padfoot. Have fun with Emma tonight!" James said, yawning.

"Oh, I will Prongs. See you tomorrow."

"Where are you going?"

"I rented a hotel room in Hogsmeade for Emma and myself."

"Very nice, Padfoot. Just pray your current girlfriend doesn't find out."

"Don't worry, I have that covered," Sirius smirked. "Can I use the Map tonight?

"Sure, Pads. Here," James said, handing the parchment to him. "Just don't lose it."

Sirius let out his bark-like laugh. "Of course I won't, Prongs! How stupid do you think I am?" After pausing for a second, he said quickly, "Uh, don't answer that."

Laughing, James shook his head and went upstairs to their dormitory, while Sirius crept out of the Gryffindor Common Room to meet Emma.

THE NEXT DAY IN THE GREAT HALL…

Harry and Ron were laughing at a joke James just told, while Hermione and Remus were again, too busy snogging to bother to pay attention to their surroundings.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Oh, I don't know," James lied, easily. "You know how he likes to sleep in- look, there he is now!" James pointed at the entrance to the Great Hall, where Sirius entered, holding hands with his girlfriend. They walked over to where James was sitting and sat down next to him.

Harry stood up on the table and randomly shouted, "I DECLARE A PRANK WAR!"

James and Sirius looked at Harry like he was crazy, before bursting into laughter.

"You're not serious, are you?" James laughed.

"He isn't, but I am!" Sirius giggled, using that age old joke. For once, it worked—only making James laugh harder.

"See Moony! I told you I'd get one of you Marauders to laugh at that joke!"

"Potter! Good luck in the Quidditch game today—you'll need it!" the Slytherin Quidditch Captain, Carlos Zabini taunted. He and his Slytherin cronies laughed as they walked to the Slytherin table.

"OY! THE BIG GAME'S TODAY!" Sirius shouted, falling out of his seat, his eyes wide. James had choked on his Pumpkin Juice.

"You mean to say that you, James Potter the Gryffindor Quidditch _Captain_, FORGOT ABOUT THE BLOODY QUIDDITCH MATCH TODAY?" Remus yelled.

James turned bright red -Sirius was still trying to get back into his seat- and stammered, "Um-um-er, kinda?"

Remus smacked his head on the table, and repeated it over and over again when Sirius said in a disoriented voice, "Moony's a big bunny bear who doo doo's on Minnie!" Harry and Ron snickered.

Lily and Hermione looked at each other, and nodded in silent agreement. They were most definitely and most officially DOOMED.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER...

The sky was a beautiful clear bright blue; it was a crisp, cool day. The sun was shining, and one could hear the birds singing if it weren't for the booing coming from the stadium at Hogwarts.

One of the Slytherin chasers, Rick Valden had just scored another goal; hence the booing. In the stands, you could see one Remus Lupin shouting angrily, "KICK THEIR LOUSY CHEATING ASSES! GO ROT IN A HOLE, YOU SELFISH LUNATIC SLYTHERIN !"

Hermione leaned over to Lily and whispered, "Is he always like this?"

"Sadly, yes. Ever since his first Quidditch game, where he saw Slytherin give Gryffindor a humiliating defeat. Very, very humiliating," Lily shuddered at the memory.

Giggling, Lily returned her attention to the very unappealing game.

"AND LOOK AT GRYFFINDOR CHASER JAMES POTTER GO! SIRIUS BLACK JUST HIT A SLYTHERIN CHASER ON THE HEAD, SO HE'S GOT A FREE SHOT AT THE GOAL! COME ON, JAMES! YOU CAN DO IT!" the commentator, Danny Jordan cheered on.

With unwavering confidence, James spun on his broomstick and threw it in the side hoop. He and Sirius had given the original Slytherin keeper a sickness that would give him an incurable stomach flu until the game was over. This keeper was nothing but an amateur, and was an easy challenge for James. The Gryffindors let out a huge cheer, and James and Sirius high-fived.

"AND JAMES POTTER DID IT! GO JAMES! YOU SHOWED THOSE NO GOOD, DIRTY ROTTEN-,"

"Mr. Jordan!" McGonagall glared, "That's quite enough!"

"Sorry, professor," he said, not sounding sorry at all. "But Slytherin still has a lead, 50-20. SHOW 'EM WHAT YOU GOT, JAMES! KICK THEIR LITTLE CHEATING A-,"

"Mr. Jordan! Do you want me to find a replacement?" McGonagall yelled.

"No, professor."

"Then watch your language!"

"Yes, professor."

Sirius grinned at Danny before spinning around and whacking a Slytherin Chaser – Steven Harks- on the back.

"BEATER SIRIUS BLACK JUST GAVE THE BLOODY CHEATING SLYTHERINS A BLOODY LESSON!" Danny exclaimed, running away from McGonagall as she tried to take away the microphone.

James sent another Quaffle flying through the Slytherin's goalposts, making it past the keeper yet again. Another deafening cheer rang from the Gryffindors and Gryffindor supporters, which was basically everyone except the Slytherins. The Slytherin's tried to drown out the cheering with their boos, but it only raised the noise level of the cheering.

"AND JAMES POTTER SCORES AGAIN, MAKING THE SCORE 50-30! COME ON, GUYS! YOU CAN KICK THEIR ASSES! JUST FIND THE SNITCH!"

"HA! TAKE THAT YOU EVIL SON OF A-!" Remus shouted, cheering wildly. Hermione smacked her palm on her forehead, and Lily let out a half-hearted, "GO JAMES GO!" for her boyfriend.

McGonagall was too busy celebrating to notice Mr. Jordan's language.

Nearly all of the eyes in the stadium were trained on the two Seekers, who were surveying the field with great intensity.

Madame Hooch didn't even notice James score two more times, therefore tying the game up. As James was being chased by the two Slytherin beaters, he passed by the Gryffindor seeker, Carly Long. "FIND THE BLOODY SNITCH!" he screeched.

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" she hollered back, frustrated that she couldn't find it.

"SIRIUS WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" James yelled. A boy on a broomstick in red robes could be seen talking to a very pretty seventh year Gryffindor, Serena Taylors. Yes, Emma Taylors sister.

"So do you want to go to Homecoming with me?" he asked, flipping his hair magnificently.

"Not if you cost us the game," she snorted, pointing her finger over to where James was still being chased by the opposing team's beaters.

"Oh, shit! Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice."

"You're a very distracting young woman."

"Well, that certainly changed things."

"Is that a yes?"

Serena smirked and replied, "Yes."

"Wahoo!" Sirius cheered, and flew off to help James with a yell, "DON'T WORRY PRONGSIE! PADFOOT'S COMING!"

The beaters were closing in on James, and Sirius quickly caught up to them on his broom. Then, he quickly dispatched one of them by smacking his bat on the Slytherin's head. The other one was so surprised by Sirius' arrival that James was able to get away from him and score yet another goal for Gryffindor.

"I'm brilliant, aren't I?" Sirius smirked. James looked ready to murder Sirius. "Pay attention to the game, not the female population!"

"But I got Serena to go to the dance with me!"

"Serena Taylors? Wow, good one, Padfoot!" James congratulated Sirius, all previous anger forgotten.

Suddenly, Danny screamed into the microphone, "AND THE SNITCH HAS BEEN SPOTTED! BOTH SEEKERES ARE AFTER IT! THE CHASE IS ON! COME ON, CARLY! YOU CAN DO IT!"

The Stadium went crazy as both sides cheered their seekers- Carly Long for Gryffindor, and Carlos Zabini for Slytherin- on. It didn't take long before Carly reached out and caught the Snitch, setting off a thousand cheers ringing in the stadium.

"AND CARLY LONG CATCHES THE GOLDEN SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS!" Danny shouted, screaming victory cries into the microphone.

"We won!" James screeched, and the Gryffindor Quidditch team piled on top of each other, elated and beyond the point of happiness.

"And you thought we would lose," Harry smirked, looking at Hermione and Lily. Both of them had the decency to look ashamed.

"Just wait until you see the after party!" Remus grinned.

"Oh, I have a feeling of what the after party will be like," Ron looked excited. He and Harry WERE the wild partiers of the group.

"LILY! WE WON!" James screeched at the top of his lungs. He ran towards her.

"I KNOW!" Lily shouted back, happy. James reached her, and he kissed her. She responded, pulling James closer to her.

"Ewwww," Ron said, looking at Lily and James.

"I'd rather not watch my parents snog," Harry said, feeling uncomfortable.

"Did you just call Lily and James your parents?" Remus questioned, coming up behind them.

"Erm, no! What the hell are you talking about?" Ron panicked, and Harry hit him on the back of the head with the very conveniently placed Quaffle.

"What was that for?" Hermione hissed, catching Remus.

"He was getting suspicious," Harry replied.

Hermione thought about that for a moment. "Oh, okay," she said, shrugging reasonably and let Remus fall to the ground.

The Gryffindors cheered as James received the trophy from Madame Hooch and held it high in the air, letting out a whoop of pure joy. The Slytherins left the stadium despondently, heads held low.

The after party was incredible! Sirius was doing the Worm, encouraged by his slightly drunken fellow Gryffindors. Lily and James had disappeared into a corner, while Remus and Hermione had disappeared into the broom closet. Peter was out, lying on the floor after drinking too much "punch". Harry was dancing with a random girl, as was Ron. There was loud rap music playing—it really was a fantastic party.

The Gryffindors stayed up until three o' clock in the morning celebrating their victory. They would've stayed up longer, but McGonagall forced them all to go upstairs to their dorms. After she left, James checked that she was back in her bed before calling the students back to party.

The party was slowly dying as student after student slowly made their way back to bed.

Upstairs, James smiled contently. "This has been a good day, Padfoot."

"A very good day," Sirius agreed, and they high-fived. Remus and Peter were already asleep in their beds. Peter was snoring loudly, and Remus muttered something along the lines of: "But Minnie, I didn't steal your panties!"

"Now we have to think of the perfect prank for the Homecoming Dance tomorrow… or later today," James said.

"Yeah we really should think of something brilliant!" Sirius nodded his head.

"What if we made… no, that wouldn't work," James muttered, yawning heavily. Quidditch really could take a lot out of you.

"We could continue this later," Sirius suggested. He was quite tired as well, but he also had another secret meeting with Emma Taylor in the broom closet coming up soon...

"Very well," James' head bobbed up and down before he crawled into his bed, and fell asleep soon afterwards.

Sirius grinned as he thought of what he would be doing in the near future as he snuck out of his dorm once more to meet a certain Emma...

* * *

Hope you liked it! Like it? Hate it? Let me know in a review! :)


	19. Homecoming

'Ello everyone! This is the next installment in The Ancient Art of Note Passing... and it doesn't really involve note passing anymore, so if anyone could think of a better-suited title for my story, please feel free to brainstorm them to me in a review or PM. This isn't exactly very long, so I apologize for that. Just be happy I'm updating! :-)

I'd like to thank **Soreye** for giving me the ideas for pranks in this chapter. I was having a little trouble with the cursed writers block, so thanks!

Now, I would like to thank **CreativeSprite**, **Soreye**, **future-famous-jen**, and** LoganLover8128 **for **REVIEWING! **You guys made me so happy with your reviews, they made my day! I can promise you that! :D Let's do it again, please! :)

Disclaimer:

Sirius: Hoot.

Me: What?

Sirius: HOOT.

Me: Huh?

Sirius: HOOT!

Bellatrix: Sirius thinks he's an owl.

James: But he's a doggie!

Bellatrix: What?

Me: I'm glad I don't own any of these people.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Homecoming!

Ronald Weasley looked up from his meal of toast to see James Potter and Sirius Black having a whispered argument.

So naturally the red head asked, "What's wrong?"

Something every student and teacher had learned over the years to avoid crossing the paths of James Potter, and even more so, Sirius Black. However, poor Ron had no idea what was in store for him.

"Can't you see we're busy?" James responded, crossly. Sirius just gave Ron a death glare, and pointed his wand at Ron.

"What are you doing?" Ron squeaked, instantly alarmed and reaching for his own wand.

"_Spidiersa Multise!" _Sirius said, lazily. Leagues of spiders erupted from his wand, heading straight for Ron.

"!" Ron shrieked (Like a girl). He leaped out of his seat and raced out of the Great Hall in the blink of an eye.

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius. "Was that necessary?"

"Yes, it was. He is obviously a spy for Slughorn. He was trying to find out what we have planned for Homecoming!" Sirius explained, his voice rising.

"But Sirius, we _don't_ have anything planned for Homecoming!" James pointed out.

"And there lies the problem!"

A few seconds later, Sirius suggested, "What if we made pie fall from the ceiling?"

"Nah… that just screams amateur prankster."

"You're right. What if we made dungbombs fall from the ceiling?"

"We're trying to get the Slytherins, not ruin the whole dance."

"Gave all the Slytherins a nasty and embarrassing rash on their butts and then make their pants fall off during the dance to reveal the rash?"

"Too complicated... not to mention disturbing."

"Well why don't YOU think of something if you think you're so smart?"

"Well then, if you insist. I suggest that we get Harry down here to do his magic snake voodoo and get all of the snakes in the pictures and tapestry come alive and scare and chase the hell out of them!"

"That's actually not bad," Sirius admitted. "AND, after the whole snake thing with Harry's AMAZING MAGICAL POWERS OF WIZARDRY, we could charm the Slytherins fall in love with Shakespeare for the whole night!"

"Where did you learn Shakespeare? On second thought, how do you even know about Shakespeare?" James asked, surprised.

"Girls are suckers for Shakespeare, Prongsie. Take a lesson from the Master," Sirius said in a superior tone.

Rolling his eyes, James said, "Let's go get Harry!"

"There he is!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing at Harry, who had just entered the Great Hall and was making his way toward them.

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious," James said, sarcastically.

"HEY! ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!" Harry shouted, glaring at James.

"Way to go, Prongs."

"I'm sick of everyone not respecting the fact that only I can be sarcastic!" Harry yelled, and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"Great job, Prongs. You just pissed off the key to our prank," Sirius said, sarcastically.

"Oh, shut it, you," James snapped, crossly. _Now_ how were they going to get the Slytherins?

Lily, Hermione, and Remus entered the Great Hall next, and sat down across from James and Sirius.

"What's got you two all depressed?" Remus asked, curiously.

"We pissed off the key to our prank," Sirius replied.

"No, Sirius did," James corrected.

"You did!" Sirius retorted, crossing his arms.

"Boys!" Lily snapped. It was too early in the morning for an argument.

"We need Harry for a prank and we made him mad," James said, slumping forward in his seat.

"Then go after him," Hermione pointed out.

The two paused as Hermione's words sunk in. Then Sirius exclaimed, "That's a great idea, 'Mione!"

Hermione smiled, "There's a reason why I'm the smart person."

James nodded and together, he and Sirius raced out of the Great Hall. With his dog-enhanced ears, Sirius was able to catch Lily saying, "I thought I was the smart person!"

After consulting the Map, Sirius and James found Harry in the Gryffindor Common Room, and hurried back to their Common Room.

"Harry! We need you!" James shouted, spotting Harry sitting on a cushy chair in front of the fire.

"What?" Harry asked, looking confused.

"For a prank. You need to do your magic snake voodoo and make snakes come alive out of the pictures and chase and scare the living shit out of the Slytherins tonight," Sirius explained.

Harry thought about it for a couple seconds before saying, "Of course I will!"

The pair brightened at this, but Harry wasn't finished. "Who is the King of Sarcasm?"

"You are," they chorused.

"And who can only be sarcastic?"

"You."

"Good. Now that that's settled, what do we do now?" Harry asked.

"Get Remus to figure out the charm for making Slytherins speak Shakespeare," James replied.

"And plan," Sirius added.

"Cool- let's go," Harry said, and the three left the empty Common Room together, preparing for their prank later that night.

AT THE DANCE, HOWEVER MANY HOURS LATER…

James and Lily were dancing happily, along with Remus and Hermione, Sirius and some random girl, and Harry and Ron were sulking on a bench. Harry looked at his watch, which read 9:01 p.m. Looking at Ron, he said, "It's time," Ron jumped out of his seat, the bored expression on his face immediately changed to one of excitement.

Harry signaled to James, Sirius, and Remus, who all made an excuse about either the bathroom or getting punch.

"Are you ready?" James asked Harry.

"I was born ready," Harry responded.

"Of course he's ready to use his AMAZING POWERS OF WIZARDRY, Prongs. What did you expect him to say?" Sirius told James.

"Ah-hem," Harry glared at Sirius.

"Sorry, All-mighty King of Sarcasm."

"That's more like it."

Rolling his eyes, James nodded to Remus, who said, "_Slytherins hablan los Shakespeare,"_ and waved his wand in a few complicated movements that the other boys couldn't follow.

"Heeheeheehee."

"Heeheeheehee."

"Heeheeheehee."

"This'll be good."

"You bet it will."

Sure enough, a very confused Slytherin walked past them, saying, "For where art the punch?"

"Confuse and strike, this is a very good plan," Harry said, smirking.

"Why thank you," Padfoot and Prongs replied simultaneously.

"Now, Harry, it's your turn," James told him.

"Everyone stand back," Harry warned. "This could get messy."

Suddenly wary, James, Sirius, Remus, and Ron all gave Harry some distance. The next thing that came out of Harry's mouth was what seemed like a secret language you would make up with your friends when you were kids.

However, Harry's words proved to be effective because a few seconds later, the snakes in tapestry's and pictures everywhere seemed to come out of their place and start chasing the Slytherin students. But most of them went after Snape, which made it even better!

"This is an amazing prank!" James laughed, high-fiving Harry and Sirius.

"Look at Snivellus go! Who knew he could run like that?" Sirius sniggered.

"Tell me about it!" Ron agreed. The red head had tears in his eyes.

The students from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff had stopped running after they realized the snakes were only after Slytherins, and were laughing at them. Cries of "Where art the hiding places?" came from scared Slytherins as they ran in chaos all over the place.

Professor McGonagall walked calmly up to a hysterical James and Sirius. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, I have to thank you for fulfilling your part in our... accord... so you have no detention for a month! That'll teach Slughorn…" She muttered under her breath as she walked away.

"YES!" the pair cried, high-fiving each other.

"Uh oh, James- Lily alert!" Remus warned.

"Oh, crap! She's going to be mad!" James panicked, and hid behind Harry.

"She's still going to see you, mate," Sirius pointed out, lazily.

Lily came up to James, and to everyone's disbelief, she said, "Nice prank. Do you want to dance?"

James' mouth dropped open, as did Remus and Sirius's.

"S-sure," he answered, taking her hand he led her to the dance floor.

While they were dancing, James asked Lily, "Aren't you mad?"

"Mad about what?"

"Pranking the Slytherins."

"Oh, James. You wouldn't be James if you stopped pranking Slytherins. I don't mind pranks in general, it's just when people get hurt, that's all. Besides, it's Homecoming. I don't want to argue now," Lily said, with a smile on her face.

James' face had become dreamy, and before Lily could blink, he swept her up and kissed her.

"I did not see that coming," Sirius said.

"Neither did I," Remus agreed.

Sirius spotted a cute girl standing by the punch bowl, and with a smirk, he walked over towards her. A few seconds later, he led the girl onto the dance floor next to Lily and James. Remus rolled his eyes, spotted Hermione, and hurried over to her. In a blink of an eye, they were dancing next to each other.

"I want pickles," Harry spoke up.

"But pickles are gross!" Ron argued.

"I agree," Harry agreed.

"But you just said you wanted pickles!" Ron exclaimed.

"I never said I wanted to EAT the pickles, Ron," Harry rolled his eyes.

"Then why do you want pickles?"

"To eat them, of course! Pickles are DE-licious!"

"You've gone nutters, Harry."

"I know! That's why I want pickles!"

"That WOULD explain it…"

Then a pretty girl with a green dress nervously approached Harry, and asked nervously, "Do you want to dance?"

Harry flashed her a smile before saying, "Why of course, pretty maiden! Would you mind telling me your name?"

"Danielle."

"Harry. Let's dance!" he grinned at her before spinning her around and leading her to the floor.

"And now I'm alone," Ron grumbled. Sulking, he crossed his arms as he glowered at the happy dancing couples.

To his surprise, Lavender Brown appeared on his side. "What are you doing here?" Ron exclaimed, shocked.

"I thought you would've been happy to see me," Lavender sniffed.

"I-I am, but how did you get here?"

"Harry conjured me up!"

"So you don't exist?"

"Technically you don't, either. We're in Harry's dream, remember?"

"Point taken. Wanna dance?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Lavender grinned, and the over-eager pair joined the other couples on the dance floor, dancing the night away.

* * *

So... what did you guys think? Thanks for reading. :D


	20. Treasure Hunting

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages! I've been caught up with school and I've had a bad case of EVIL writers block up until last night. I really hope you guys like this chapter! :)

I'd like to thank **LoganLover8128**, **future-famous-jen**,** tatianacat217**, and **Soreye** for **reviewing**! Thanks, guys! It means a lot, it really does! :)

Disclaimer:

Me: Do I own Harry Potter?

Sirius: You haven't for the last 19 chapters, so why should it change now?

Me: Good point. WHY MUST THEY TORTURE US WITH STUPID DISCLAIMERS?

Sirius: I dunno. But now that that's taken care of, SHUT UP AND READ THE STORY, PEOPLE!

Me: Thank you, Sirius.

Sirius: You're welcome. :)

* * *

Chapter Ninteen: Treasure Hunting!

"Can you believe they used to have a Student Appreciation Day here?" Harry asked Ron as they made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"No I can't… mum and dad never mentioned it at all. Then again, they never mentioned Homecoming, either," Ron answered.

"Strange. I wonder why they cancelled Homecoming and Student Appreciation Day," Harry wondered.

"Me too," Ron said. They stopped talking as they entered the Great Hall and spotted James and Sirius talking excitedly to the rest of the gang. Hermione spotted them and waved them over.

"Look what James and Sirius found in Filch's office!" she gushed.

Harry peered over Hermione's shoulder, and saw a piece of old parchment with faded ink on it.

"It's a piece of old parchment. What's the big deal?" Ron asked.

"Just a piece of old parchment? JUST A PIECE OF OLD PARCHMENT?" Sirius exclaimed, horrified at Ron's attitude.

"NEVER, I repeat, NEVER underestimate an 'old piece of parchment', Ronald. It will be the death of you," James chided, also shocked at Ron's attitude.

"Alright, then what is it?" Ron asked, annoyed.

"This is more than just an 'old piece of parchment. MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE!" Sirius began, still annoyed at Ron.

James leaned in closer to Ron and Harry and whispered, "This, my friends, is a treasure map."

"A treasure map?" Ron said, loudly.

"SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" James and Sirius hissed. "No one else can know, or else we might have competition!"

"Whose treasure is this?" Lily asked.

"At last, a reasonable question! This, my dearest Lilykins, is Filch's treasure," James responded, smartly.

"Are you saying my questions are unreasonable?" Ron demanded.

"Yes I am. Is it really taking you this long to figure out?" James replied.

Ron glared at James, and grabbed a plate of pancakes and sausage and started to eat angrily.

"How did you find it?" Hermione asked.

"We were in Filch's office this morning, being yelled at for the prank we pulled at Homecoming," James began.

"And Filch was even more mad than usual because McGonagall refused to punish us," Sirius said, smirking.

"Sirius spotted something unusual on Filch's desk, and when Filch had his back turned, he snuck up, grabbed it, and replaced it with a plain piece of parchment."

"When Filch finally let us out, we were finally given a chance to see what it was. We opened it up, and we discovered it was a treasure map!" Sirius finished.

"So you're going to search for the treasure today?" Remus assumed, raising his eyebrows.

"Bingo! And _we're _going to search for the treasure today. It even helps that we don't have school to interfere with out treasure hunting," James responded, grinning at Remus.

"Trust them to find a treasure map in Filch's office," Remus rolled his eyes, but he was smiling at the prospect of adventure.

"I think it'll be fun," Lily said, smiling at James. Lily's encouragement was all James needed.

"Where will we start?" Hermione asked.

"That's a... good question," Sirius replied, stumped.

James thought about it for a second, before shrugging, "No clue."

"Guess it's up to the smart people to find the treasure, eh?" Hermione joked.

"Let me see it," Remus said, holding out his hand for the map. James handed Remus the treasure map. The werewolf in disguise studied the treasure map, before he said, "X marks the spot."

This was met with a chorus of "What's?", "Huh's?", and other similar exclamations.

"Right there, you see it? X marks where the treasure will be," Remus pointed to the X with his finger.

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhh," James said, realization dawning on him. The others soon joined in as the realization hit them, too.

"How do we get there?" Harry asked.

"Well, it starts out in Filch's office," Remus said.

"What an inconvenience," Sirius said, sarcastically.

"HEY! ONLY I, HARRY, CAN BE SARCASTIC BECAUSE I AM THE KING OF SARCASM!" Harry shouted, quickly losing his temper.

"Sorry, King Sarcasm," Sirius said, sarcastically.

"Thank you... HEY!" Harry glared at Sirius across the table. He loved his godfather, but his teenage self was sure as hell bloody annoying.

"So we go to Filch's office?" Ron asked.

"No, we're going McDonalds. Of course we're going to Filch's office!" Sirius snapped, irritated. For once, Harry didn't chide him about using sarcasm, seeing that Sirius, for once, had a sensible point.

"Again with the unreasonable questions," James said, throwing his hands in the air in an exasperated manner.

"Awww, I wanted to go to McDonalds..." Ron muttered, glowering at James and Sirius.

"Can we get going?" Remus prompted, impatiently.

"Right-y-o!" Sirius agreed, and strolled out of the Great Hall with the treasure map. Seeing that no one was following him, Sirius turned around and said, "Are you coming or not?"

"Er- yeah, we're coming!" James shouted, and hurried after him, followed quickly by Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lily, and Remus.

"Got the map?" Sirius asked James under his breath.

"Right here, Padfoot," James took out a folded up piece of parchment from his pocket briefly before he slipped it back in.

"Obviously, not all of us should go in there at once," Harry said, loudly.

"I'll go!" Sirius and James said at the same time.

"Then it's settled. Sirius and James, this is your funeral," Hermione said, handing James the treasure map.

"You're trusting THEM with a treasure map?" Remus said, incredulously.

Hermione seemed to rethink this, and snatched the treasure map from James' hand. She calmly handed it over to Remus. "You're going with them," she said, smiling sweetly when no one protested.

"Oh, fine," Remus muttered, accepting the map from Hermione.

The teenagers pulled into a whispered huddle. When they broke up, James said, "Now, does everyone know what to do?" When everyone nodded, James pulled out his Invisibility Cloak and vanished under it, along with Sirius. Remus gave Hermione a quick kiss on the lips before he followed Sirius under the cloak.

Harry pulled out his own copy of the Marauders Map almost as soon as the three Marauders were under the cloak. "Let's see where they're going, shall we?" he said, with a grin. The others quickly crowded around Harry after he murmured, _"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."_

Meanwhile, under the cloak, Remus was holding the treasure map, Sirius held their copy of the Marauders Map, and James led the way into Filch's office.

"Hmmm, that's weird," Remus said, after seeing that neither Filch nor his cat were in the office.

"What?" Sirius and James asked simultaneously.

"The map leads into the wall, right where that file cabinet over there is."

"I think it's pretty obvious," James said, in a superior tone.

"SECRET PASSAGE!" Sirius yelped, causing James and Remus to both smack him on the back of the head for raising his voice.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Sirius shouted, indignantly rubbing the back of his head.

James and Remus looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Normally secret passages are opened with a book or a torch. Or an inconspicuous object," Remus stated, looking around the room for an object that might be the key to opening the secret passage. He pulled himself out from under the cloak, saying to Sirius, "Watch the map to make sure no one's coming."

Remus began pulling at random objects in the room, cursing when nothing happened. Then, his eyes traveled to the small, black stone carving of a cat sitting on top of the filing cabinet that held the records. "That's gotta be it!" the werewolf exclaimed, going towards it. Pulling at it, the filing cabinet moved, along with the wall. Soon, there was more than enough space for the three boys to go through.

"Smart Moony," James complimented, pulling the cloak off of him and Sirius. Remus grabbed a torch, and the three entered the secret passage, James leading the way with Remus and Sirius following close behind. All the walls of the passage were dirt, and the air felt musty. No one talked, except when Sirius realized something.

"Moony?"

"What is it, Padfoot?"

"You know you could've just used _Lumos._"

"...Shut up, Padfoot."

"Oh, I think Moony wanted to do it the old-fashioned Muggle way, didn't you, Moony?" James said, brightly.

"It'll be harder to put out than _Knox_ will, but a good _Aguamenti_ should to the trick!" Sirius said, undaunted. Before James or Remus could stop him, Sirius had whipped out his wand and said, _"Aguamenti!"_

Immediately, water came sprouting out of Sirius' wand, pointed (Sirius realized the fact too late) not at Remus' torch, but at James' head.

"OY! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" James yelped, jumping as the cold water hit his face.

"Sorry, Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed, alarmed. Water was still coming out of the wand and spraying all over the place. Sirius swerved his wand over and it hit Remus in the face.

"Whoops, my bad! What's the spell to stop it?" Sirius said, panicking. James had no clue, but Remus shouted, "STOP SPRAYING THAT GODDAMN WATER AT MY FACE AND I MIGHT BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE!"

"Sorry," Sirius said, pointing his wand at the floor behind them.

Remus thought for a second, before whispering the spell in Sirius' ear. In turn, Sirius was able to stop the water.

Suddenly, the three Marauders heard a noise coming from down the tunnel. Then, a light shone through the tunnel, alarming the three Marauders.

"Quick! Under the cloak!"

"Ouch, Padfoot! That was my foot!" Remus hissed.

"Sorry, Remus," Sirius whispered, not sounding sorry at all.

"Shhhh!" James hissed.

Then, there was a voice coming from the tunnel. "Who's there?"

Sirius' eyes widened, and James mouthed, "Filch!" Slowly, the three Marauders crept backwards, hardly daring to breathe. Soon, Filch was right in front of them.

"Who's there?" he repeated, more forcefully. He wildly waved his torch around, trying to see who was there. "I HEARD voices coming from here,"

The three backed into the wall. James and Sirius' eyes were wide, and Remus' hand was twitching nervously. Who knew WHAT Filch could do to them down here?

His eyes narrowing suspiciously, he said, "Must've been the bloody students messing around upstairs again," With a curse, he stormed up the path away from James, Sirius, and Remus and disappeared from sight. Sirius was the first one who spoke.

"Now THAT was a close call."

James let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Yeah, it was. Now since Filch is out of the way, the coast is clear!"

"You two are mad, I tell you! How on earth can you still go on with this insane treasure hunt when Filch almost caught us down here?" Remus burst out.

"Think about it this way-," James started to say.

"With Filch up there, there's more of a chance-," Sirius interrupted.

"We'll run into him up there-,"

"Then if we continue-,"

"With our original plan."

"Fine," Remus grumbled. James took the lead as the three Marauders continued down the tunnel.

Five minutes later, Sirius said, "I'm bored."

"We're in what could possibly be Filch's Torturing Chamber and you're complaining about being BORED?" Remus exclaimed, his pitch growing higher on every word.

"Haha your voice cracked," James laughed, pointing his finger at Remus.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Remus groaned, and banged his forehead on the wall repetitively as Sirius and James chorused, "But we're YOUR idiots!"

Suddenly, there was a _crack, _making all the boys jump.

"Hey, guys!"

"HARRY?" James, Remus, and Sirius yelled, shocked.

"Yup!" Harry grinned, laughing at their expressions.

"How did you get here?" Remus asked, the first one to recover from Harry's unexpected arrival.

"It's my dream, isn't it?" Harry rolled his eyes, as if Remus had asked the stupidest question ever.

"So can you take us to the treasure?" James asked, hopefully.

"Nice try James, but it's a LOT more fun doing it without magic," Harry smirked.

"You know dreamboy has a point," Sirius said.

"Let's go then, before Filch comes back!" Remus spoke up. James and Sirius took the lead as they four boys walked further downward through the tunnels. They didn't need to go far before they reached a large room. There were lit torches hanging from the walls, and it had a dirt floor. Devices were in the center that appeared to be various torture devices, and what looked like… a treasure chest!

"Guys, I think this is Filch's lair," Harry said, in a rather small voice. James, Sirius, and Remus quickly nodded their heads rapidly in agreement.

"Hey, look! A treasure chest!" Sirius exclaimed, pointing over to the left.

"That's got to be where the treasure's at!" James grinned, and raced towards it.

"James, wait! There might be booby traps!" Remus called out.

"This IS Filch's lair," Harry agreed. Sighing, James came back to the other three boys and said, "What do you think we should do, Remus?"

"I don't know. I figured you'd be stupid enough to go running over there and activate the trap anyways," Remus said, with a shrug.

"Harry, it's your dream. YOU do something," Sirius said.

"That's actually… a good idea!" James said, surprised.

"What? I have good ideas… you guys just never go with them!" Sirius exclaimed, indignantly.

"Because most of them are STUPID!"

"No they aren't!"

"Yes they are!"

"SHUT UP!" Remus roared, effectively. It had surprised both of the Marauders into shutting up. In the silence that followed, all three of them looked at Harry, who looked like he was deep in thought.

"I GOT IT!" Harry suddenly burst out, making James, Sirius, and Remus all jump.

Rolling his eyes, Harry said, "I think all I have to do is concentrate to see if there are any booby traps nearby," Not waiting to see their responses, Harry closed his eyes and was quiet for a long time, before he said, "There shouldn't be any booby traps here,"

"See, Moony? It was just you being paranoid again," Sirius said, smirking at him.

"I am NOT paranoid!"

"Yes you are. You constantly think you're going to do something absolutely horrible at every second of every day-,"

"Hey, James!" Harry called out, worriedly. Sirius and Remus stopped arguing long enough to notice James heading towards the treasure. James ignored him, and tried to open it.

"The bloody chest won't open!" James cursed, angrily.

"That's because you don't have the key," Sirius smirked, dangling a key from his hands.

"How'd you get the key?" Remus asked.

"Harry."

"How did Harry get the key?"

"It's Harry's dream, or did we not cover that already?" Sirius couldn't miss a chance to be sarcastic.

"HEY! ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!" Harry shouted, glaring at Sirius. Harry turned his back on Sirius and Remus, muttering about how no one respected how he was the king of sarcasm and such.

Remus looked at Sirius, who shrugged and said, "He'll get over it."

"Hey, Padfoot. Toss me the key, will you?" James shouted.

"Sure!" Sirius replied, and went over to James, handing it to him.

"Thanks," James said, sliding the key through the lock. Remus and Harry appeared beside them, eager to see what was in the chest.

The chest slowly opened, to reveal -

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DUMBASSES DOING IN MY LAIR?" Filch screamed, furiously. All four boys jumped, startled at Filch's screeching. He was holding a broomstick, and was racing towards them, angrily.

"I think we should-,"

"RUN!"

Harry, James, Sirius, and Remus all broke into a run as Filch reached them and tried to beat them with his broomstick. Filch chased them all over his lair, but he was a brooding, evil old man and the four boys were in the height of their youth- energetic and full of life. And that was why Filch was slowly dropping behind them.

Meanwhile, if one was paying attention, one could see a bushy-haired brunette, and a boy and girl both with striking red hair taking the treasure from Filch's treasure chest.

"You think they got it?" Sirius asked, panting.

"They better have," James replied, sweat dripping from his face.

Harry suddenly turned around to face the creepy man. "Mr. Filch. We have had the most _wonderful_ time being chased by the likes of you, but we, as bright young men with our lives still ahead of us, must unfortunately leave this _more than delightful_ game of cat-and-mouse we've been playing today, to devote our time to much... better, more appropriate activities you couldn't even _begin_ to imagine," Harry took a bow, and right before the Filch's eyes, the four boys disappeared.

Laughing silently, Harry, Sirius, Remus, and James ran through the secret passage under the safety of James' Invisibility Cloak, leaving a bewildered and angry Filch behind. They easily went aboveground to the Gryffindor Common Room, and were met by Hermione, Lily, and Ron.

"That was absolutely _amazing_!" Lily said, grinning.

"The speech you gave Filch there at the end was bloody brilliant, Harry!" Sirius said, high-fiving him.

"So what's in the chest?" James said, bouncing up and down in anticipation.

"Well, come and see!" Lily replied, pulling James up to the chest. Harry, Sirius, and Remus all crowded around it as well.

And inside the treasure chest was...

"A bunch of CATS?" Harry exclaimed, furious. "We went all through that just for Mrs. Norris' little BABIES THAT SHE PROBABLY HAD WITH FILCH?"

"Is that even POSSIBLE?" James asked. His expression was similar to Harry's.

"But they're so cuuuuuuutttttteeeeeeeeee," Lily cooed, scratching a kitten behind the ear.

"I know, aren't they the cutest little things you've ever seen?" Hermione agreed, petting another one.

"This is just SAD," Sirius said. "But they WOULD be fun to play with," he added, as an afterthought.

"Sirius, you are NOT going to chase the kittens! I repeat, DO NOT CHASE THE KITTENS!" Remus said, immediately alarmed by the look in Sirius' eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, confused. "What's so bad about Sirius playing with the kittens?"

"Thank you, Lily dear! See, at least SOMEONE is sensible around here!" Sirius said.

"Lily doesn't count—she doesn't know the whole situation!" Remus quickly shut down that idea.

"What's so bad about that?" Lily repeated.

"You have no idea," Remus replied, dragging a struggling Sirius to their dorm with the help of James.

"But I just want to _play_ with them! Chase them around for a bit, you know!" Sirius protested.

"Oh, we know all right," James said.

"Which is exactly why you CAN'T "play" with them," Remus told him.

"That wasn't weird at all," Ron said, staring after the three Marauders.

"Tell me about it," Lily agreed, and Hermione nodded.

"HEY! ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC! Isn't that right, Sarcasmina?" Harry said, holding the space where a girl's waist would've been.

"Oh, God. Not this AGAIN!" Ron said, panicking.

"Come on, Harry. We're taking you to the Hospital Wing, before it gets worse," Hermione insisted. With the help of Ron, the two dragged Harry, who was kicking and screaming, out of the Common Room, leaving only Lily with the kittens.

"Well, I can't say this day wasn't exciting," Lily said, shrugging before she started to play with the kittens, which Filch and Mrs. Norris probably DID have together... Lily shuddered at the thought of Filch and Mrs. Norris doing you-know-what together.

* * *

Thanks for reading! :-)


	21. Senior Skip Day part 1

This was originally meant to be one chapter, but it was taking so long to write and I figured the wait for the next chapter had been long enough, so I decided to just split this in half. I'm not sure if it's that good, but hopefully it's worth the wait. I figured that I've dragged this story on for a long enough time, and so I figured there will only be a couple more chapters left before it's over. I mean it this time! It's been going on for TWO YEARS! The plot bunnies have been attacking me over the weekend, and I'm working on a VERY AU Harry Potter story.

I'm sorry about the long wait... has it really been more than a month since I updated last? It seems so much shorter than that... I suppose you're wondering what my excuse is THIS time. Well, I was busy trying not to fail science, and I'm proud to say I have a C in that class now! That, AND I've been outside enjoying the warm weather God blessed this part of the world with. It's about time, is all I have to say! :)

Thank you to **future-famous-jen**, **LoganLover8128**, **GroowyL**, and **Soreye** for reviewing! You guys rock! :)

Disclaimer:

Me: See last chapter.

Sirius: HEY! THAT'S NO FUN!

Me: Well DEAL WITH IT!

Sirius: Geez, who hasn't had their medicine today?

Me: You're the one who bounces off the walls every day!

Sirius: Well... uh... FALL OUT BOY IS ON MY IPOD!

Me: That's... random... very random...

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Senior Skip Day part 1

The next day was, unfortunately, a school day. James and Sirius had just been woken up by Remus, who was the morning person of the group (except on nights after the full moon).

"Do we to go to class?" Sirius whined, yawning.

"Yes, we do," Remus said, firmly.

"I have an idea," James said, smirking.

"You have an idea! What's your idea?" Sirius asked, immediately recognizing the look in James' eyes.

"Oh, no," Remus muttered.

"Let's make today Skip Day!"

"Awesome!" Sirius grinned.

"Where would we go?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"How about someplace Muggle?" James thought aloud. "We could make it a field trip!"

"Like a… Muggle amusement park? I've always wanted to go to one of those," Sirius suggested, excited.

"Perfect!" James shouted, high-fiving Sirius.

"Now, which one do we go to?" Sirius asked.

"Remus? You're the one most familiar with Muggle things," James looked at him, expectantly.

"Well, there was one in America I went to once on vacation with my family, before I got my... FLP," Remus said, slowly.

"What was it called?" Sirius questioned.

"Umm, let me think for a moment. I think it was... Cedar Point...? Yes, that's it! Cedar Point, in Ohio!"

"It looks like we have our day planned out, then!" James grinned, excited.

"Should we invite the others?" Remus asked.

"Of course! Although I doubt Lily and Hermione would be too happy with this," James answered.

"We need some Muggleborns to help us out with the money and everything, anyways," Sirius replied.

"I can't wait!" Sirius grinned.

"Let's go see what they think," Remus said, and James and Sirius followed him out of the dorm and down to the Common Room, where Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Lily were waiting for them.

"We have an idea!" James burst out, when they arrived. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Lily looked at them, waiting for them to continue.

"Well, are you going to tell us or not?" Lily asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"I'll have you know I was pausing for dramatic effect!" James mock-glared at her, dawning a hurt expression.

Lily rolled her eyes, and said, "Go on, then. What's your great idea?"

"Well, neither of us wanted to go to class today-," James started to speak.

"Meaning me and Jamsie," Sirius added.

"So I suggested we have a Ditch Day!"

"And that we all go to Cedar Point, in Ohio-,"

"And spend the whole day there!"

"What's a Cedar Point?" Ron asked.

"A Muggle amusement park," Remus replied, cutting in before James or Sirius made a remark.

"Ooohhhh, I love those!" Lily exclaimed, grinning.

"Rollercoaster's aren't exactly my thing, but it'll definitely be fun!" Hermione added.

"Will there be pie?" Harry asked. Everyone gave him a weird look.

"I want PIE!"

"Yeah, there'll probably be pie there..." James said, uncertainly.

"Then let's go!" Harry bounced up and down, excited for the amusement park. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had taken Dudley to one once, (he wasn't allowed to go and was forced to be babysat by Mrs. Figgs) and Dudley had hated it mainly because he couldn't fit into the seats, he was that fat. Because wittle Duddikins had hated the amusement park, they had never gone again.

"Don't we need to make an excuse?" Lily asked.

"One more detention won't kill us, Lily," Sirius replied.

"Does anyone have American money?"

"I do!" Harry shouted as American money appeared in thin air. As everyone stared at him, he looked at them and said, "What? It's my dream. You guys can have some too!"

Everyone cheered as American money appeared. However, another problem faced them.

"James?"

"Yeah, Sirius?"

"How do you count American money?"

"Lily?" James turned to her.

"God, don't you ever pay attention in Muggle Studies?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes.

"Nope! He's too busy staring at you the whole time!" Sirius answered, cheerfully.

"Sirius!" James, embarrassed, hit him on his shoulder lightly.

"Do we have enough money?" Ron asked.

"Yup," Sirius answered.

"How do we get there?" Harry asked, eyes widening as he thought of another dilemma.

"Apparating!" James responded, lightly.

"So we're set and ready to go?" Lily raised her eyebrows, surprised the Marauders had thought of just about everything.

"Oh, wait! What's our cover?" Harry got one last question in.

"We are the Marauders! We don't need cover!" Sirius said, insulted by the question.

"It _would _be good to have a cover story," Remus sided with Harry.

"Sirius, what's our cover?" James asked him.

"Ummm, James' mother was sick so you went to take care of her, and I came along. Remus has the... chicken pox and his mother wanted him to come home. Harry, you injured your leg in Quidditch practice and went home so you wouldn't be a burden to Madam Pomfrey. Ron's brother has cancer, so you left school so you could be with him. And for Hermione..." Sirius paused for a second, "your father has the... swine flu, so you left to be with him! Yeah, that's it! The swine flu!" he finished, crossing her arms with a superior look on his face that only grew when she saw the shocked looks on everyone else's face.

"What about Lily?" James asked, the first to recover.

"Lily? Umm, how about..." Sirius frowned as he thought of another excuse, "Lily's sister's wedding with her cow of a fiancé is today, and her parents are making her go to it... yes, that'll do very nicely!"

"How do you think of these things?" Harry asked, in awe.

"From the Book of Excuses!" Sirius answered, holding up a book.

"The only book he's ever read," Remus said, shaking his head.

"You really should be used to it, Moony," Sirius responded, smirking.

"Now that that's all set, can we go now?" Harry whined.

"I don't see why not!" James chirped.

A FEW SECONDS LATER IN CEDAR POINT, OHIO...

It was an unusually warm, bright and sunny day for the people at Cedar Point. Everything was basically under control, for an amusement park. One could see the screaming baby in the background, and the overwhelmed mother trying to shush it.

There were little kids running around, going crazy as THEIR haggard mothers tried to catch them. You could also see the occasional couple making out in the shadows. This ordinary American scene would soon change after the arrival some certain wizards and witches from England…

There was crack, and there someone with an English accent said loudly, "I am NEVER apparating again!"

Then a voice, probably female, who also had an English accent, said, "Well how else do you plan to get back to Hogwarts, Ronald?"

"Will you two stop arguing?" a frustrated voice exclaimed. The voices grew louder as they walked towards the entrance gates, and people couldn't help staring at the strange foreigners, who were arguing like mad.

An observer could see that they were teenagers, probably in their late teens. Two boys had messy black hair and glasses. Another boy had black hair, two others -a boy and a girl- had bright red hair, a girl had bushy brown hair, and the last boy had sandy brown hair.

"Sorry, Harry," the two chorused, although only the girl actually sounded sorry.

"Dude, this is freaking amazing!" Sirius crowed, staring at the many roller coasters in awe.

"It's Cedar Point, what do you expect?" Lily said, rolling her eyes. She had been here once before with her family on vacation, before she received her Hogwarts letter.

"Do you have the money?" James asked Lily. She had been picked to keep track of the money, since she had the most experience with it.

"Of course, James," Lily replied, showing him the money that she was keeping in her purse.

"Okay, good. Now let's go in!" Sirius said eagerly, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Will he ever grow up?" Lily whispered in Remus' ear.

"Probably not, if things keep on like this. But then again, he wouldn't be Sirius if he ever did," Remus whispered back, careful not to let anyone else hear that.

"Where do we go now?" Ron asked.

"AGAIN, with the stupid questions! Honestly, look over there!" James said, exasperatedly pointing to where the employees were letting people in.

After they got their tickets, Lily asked everyone, "Where do you want to go first?"

"I WANNA GO ON THE DRAGSTER!" Sirius exclaimed, drowning out anything anyone else said.

"Which one is that?" James asked.

"That one!" Sirius pointed at a really tall ride further into the park.

"OOOHHHHH, I second that!" James said, excitedly.

"I guess it's settled then," Hermione shrugged, catching Remus' eye. He made a lot of confusing gestures that she didn't understand before he gave up and dragged her over into a more private area.

"Do you want to spend the day together?" Remus asked, a little nervous.

"Sure!" Hermione's eyes lit up at that idea.

"Okay, let's go," Remus smiled, and taking the lead, they went deeper into the amusement park.

"What about the others?" Hermione asked.

"Live a little, 'Mione," Remus grinned. Hermione thought about it for a while, before she said, "Let's do this!"

"I KNEW hanging out with us would rub off on you eventually!" Remus smirked playfully.

Hermione mock-glared at him. "You know, I could always head back to the others."

"Fine, fine. Which one do you want to ride first?" Remus sighed.

"I don't know. How about that one?" Hermione pointed to one.

"Alright," Remus agreed, pulling out the map of Cedar Point.

"Which one is it?" Hermione asked, looking over his shoulder.

"I believe this is the Raptor."

"Sweet!"

Together, the couple made their way over to the line. A _very_ long line, Remus noticed with a little irritation. Oh well, that meant more time he could spend with 'Mione. He leaned in to kiss her...

MEANWHILE...

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was heading over to the Dragster. Or, more specifically, as Lily pointed out, the Top Thrill Dragster.

"Isn't it kind of stupid to have a ride that just goes up and down?" Ron asked.

"IT GOES ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY MILES PER HOUR!" Sirius shouted, as if that put an end to the discussion.

"AND IT GOES FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY FEET IN THE AIR! HOW CAN YOU CALL SOMETHING LIKE THAT STUPID?" James chimed in, glaring at Ron.

Ron crossed his arms and pouted, glowering at James and Sirius the rest of the way to the ride.

"Hey, where are Hermione and Remus?" Lily's eyes widened as she thought of them.

"Probably making out somewhere," Sirius guessed.

"Awww, look at the line," Ron groaned, as they approached it. "We'll be here for HOURS!"

Sirius glared at Ron, and said firmly, "The ride goes 120 miles per hour in less than FOUR SECONDS!"

"And the ride goes 420 feet into the air! You can't pass this up, dude!" James added.

"It better be worth it," Ron frowned, not liking always being ganged up on by James and Sirius.

"Oh, it will be," Sirius smirked at James, who sniggered.

"Are you two planning something?" Lily asked, suspiciously.

"What? No, my dear Lilykins!" James said a little too quickly. Sirius smacked his hand on his forehead at what a terrible liar James was.

"Do you WANT to get thrown out?" Lily narrowed her eyes at James.

"Err, no Lily, but-,"

"Come on, relax Lily. You can even ride it with James," Sirius said, trying to calm her down.

"Fine. But I'm NOT letting this go, you hear me?" Lily said, compensated for now. FOR NOW.

"Who are you going to ride it with then?" James asked.

"Harry, of course!"

"Then who am I gonna ride it with?" Ron pouted.

"You can ride it, with… LAVENDER! Yeah that's it, Lavender!" Harry smirked.

"But how can you do that?" Ron asked, clueless.

"Um, I thought we had covered this already. IT'S MY DREAM!" Harry replied, getting a little tired of having to answer that question.

A few seconds later, Lavender appeared next to Ron. A few MORE seconds later, and James and Sirius shouted, "Get a room, lovebirds!"

AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER...

"I can't believe we actually rode the Dragster! It's the best roller coaster EVER! Can we ride it again?" Ron asked, jumping up and down.

"No, NOW we go ride-," James began to speak.

"The Millennium Force!" Sirius finished for him.

It went on like this throughout the day, with James and Sirius' conspiring, Lily shooting suspicious looks at them, Ron and Lavender snogging, or as the kids here called it, making out, and Harry talking about random things, like pie and pickles.

THE END.

* * *

NOT! Do you really think I would just leave you, the reader, hanging like that? That ending was not funny in the least. Where are the pranks, the laughter? And what of Remus and Hermione, whatever became of them? No, the REAL ending to the chapter goes a little more like this:

* * *

After what seemed like forever, they were finally at the beginning of the line for the Dragster. As it pulled up, Sirius, James, and Harry were all bouncing up and down, looking like little boys at Christmas. Lily was trying to look like she didn't know them, and Ron and Lavender were making eyes at each other.

"Do you have them ready?" James whispered to Sirius, inconspicuously as possible.

"Yup, this is gonna be great!" Sirius said, as quietly as he could without drawing Lily's attention.

"I can't believe that we're actually at the beginning of the line! We're up next!" Harry exclaimed, drawing Lily's attention away from the two Marauders.

"I hope no one's looking for us," Lily said, worriedly.

"Lily, you worry too much. Just for this day, let it go and enjoy it," James said.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but it was cut short when the next cart arrived.

"Yay! We get the red one!" Ron said, happily.

"For Gryffindor!" Lavender said, giggling at Ron's silliness.

Once they were all on the ride, Lily looked at James nervously.

"Are you scared?" James asked, noticing how tense Lily was.

"I'm scared to see what prank you and Sirius are going to pull. I know you well enough to know when you're up to something." Lily said.

"Of course you do," James grinned knowingly, putting his arm around Lily.

"So what are you and James going to do?" Harry asked Sirius. They were directly behind Lily and James.

"Lily has EARS, you know!" Sirius said; alarmed Lily might overhear.

"Well SOOOOOORRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY for asking the obvious!" Harry snapped back.

"Well, okay. I suppose it WOULD be better if there were more people. This is what we have planned..."

Behind Harry and Sirius, Lavender and Ron were snogging.

"I love you, Lavender," Ron said, looking into Lavender's wide eyes.

"I love you too, Ron!" Lavender grinned, and leaned in to kiss him.

"When will this goddamn ride start so I don't have to watch these kids making out?" the overworked-looking man behind Ron and Lavender exclaimed. His wife attempted to make soothing noises that did nothing to ease his stress.

Before they knew it, it started. The ride instantly shot out from its previously still position, shooting them into the air.

"IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE!" James shouted, and dropped the water balloons off of the top of the Dragster. Sirius and Harry did the exact same thing! Lily shrieked, clinging to James as if he was her lifeline. Believe it or not, Ron and Lavender were still making out.

MEANWHILE, ON THE GROUND...

"I can't believe we just did that!" Hermione giggled. She pulled up her bra strap and ran a hand through her bushy hair, trying to smooth it out.

"Neither can I! Do you want to get in line for the Dragster?" Remus asked, laughing.

"Of course! Just after this," Hermione smiled, and kissed him. Remus eagerly kissed back, but was interrupted when something came out of thin air and hit them!

"What the hell?" Remus exclaimed, staring up at the sky.

"I think it was a water balloon!" Hermione said, holding up the pieces of the water balloon.

"How could a water balloon—I'm going to KILL James and Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, realization hitting him.

Hermione's eyes widened as it made sense, and added, "Don't forget Harry!"

"He's all yours."

"Awwww, thanks baby."

"You're welcome, love."

"So how are we going to get revenge on them?"

"I have a few ideas up my sleeve..."

"I can't wait to see them."

"This is going to be fun!"

"Oh yeah!"

Hermione kissed Remus, hardly believing she had such a great guy as her boyfriend.

* * *

In case you're unfamiliar with Cedar Point rides (which IS a real place in Sandusky, Ohio), go to wwwDOTCedarPointDOTcom to get a look!

Just replace the DOTS with a '.' and it should be fine. If the link doesn't work, let me know and I'll do something about it.

And as always, thanks for reading!


	22. Senior Skip Day part 2

Hey, look! There's no authors note this time, yay! Except for the note saying that there is no note...

I'd like to thank **Becca**, **future-famous-jen**, and **Soreye** for **reviewing**! You guys are awesome :)

Disclaimer:

Me: Sirius, take it away!

Sirius: No, we do not own Harry Potter! Wait a second... someone owns me?

Me: Not again *groans*

Sirius: NO ONE OWNS ME!

Me: Oh, God...

* * *

Chapter Twenty (continued): Senior Skip Day part 2

"This line is so freaking long!" Ron complained, loudly.

"Well it wouldn't be Cedar Point without the long lines!" James said.

"That's true," Lily sided with James.

"Why don't I take your mind off of it?" Lavender said, seductively.

"How so?"

"Like this," Lavender grinned, and kissed Ron.

"Can you do that some more?" Ron asked, after they broke apart.

"Of course, Ron!"

"Is that all they ever do?" James asked.

"Pretty much… you get used to it after a while," Harry replied, shrugging.

"James, look at all the chicks here!" Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows at a group of girls across from them, who giggled.

"Oh, I know!" James grinned, but noticing Lily's glare, quickly said, "I mean, there's only one girl for me!"

"That's more like it," Lily giggled, kissing him.

AN HOUR LATER…

"This'll be so much fun!" James said.

"Oh, I know! Even more fun than the Dragster, because it's a longer ride!" Sirius agreed.

"Oh yeah, Lily, how long was the Dragster, specifically?" James asked. She had used her watch and timed how long the ride was while the boys were throwing water balloons on unsuspecting civilians below them.

"Exactly seventeen seconds."

"So the Millennium needs to beat that."

"Oh, I think it will, James," Harry said.

"How do you know?" James asked.

"It's my dream, duh! Do you think they sell pie here?"

"No, but there's a pop machine and a vendor selling smoothies up ahead," Lily responded.

"YOU said there'd be pie here!" Harry rounded on James, who had his arm around Lily's waist.

"And there probably is… somewhere," James said, backing away from Harry.

"And how am I supposed to find the pie?"

"I dunno… you said it was your dream, can't you just dream up some pie?"

"I cannot just 'dream up' some pie, it doesn't work like that!"

"Why not?" Sirius asked, the raised voices drawing his attention away from the girls.

"Because it just doesn't work like that, you can't just 'dream up' pie!"

"So how are you going to get some, then?" James asked.

"I'll have to go on a… PIE HUNT!" Harry exclaimed, his left eye twitching.

"A pie hunt?" Lily repeated, skeptically.

"Yes, a pie hunt. I'll get out of line and search for pie as long as it takes!"

"But we're not that far from the beginning. Can't you live without pie until the ride's over?" Lily said, reasonably.

"NO! When I say I want pie, I NEED PIE!"

"You're crazy!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yes, I am crazy. CRAZY FOR PIE!" Harry burst out, running out of line, his nose up in the air, sniffing for the smell of pie.

"I feel sorry for anyone who has pie," Sirius said.

"I'm glad that kid's not my son," Lily spoke up.

"I second that," James added. "Who would name their kid Harry, anyway? It's a stupid name,"

"I kind of like that name," Lily said, thoughtfully. There was a moment of slightly awkward silence, before Ron asked cluelessly, "So what did we miss?"

* * *

Remus and Hermione had just bought some Dippin Dots ice cream, when they heard an anxious voice asking, "Do you have pie here?"

"No, kid. We sell ice cream, not pie."

"But you've GOTTA have pie!"

"Remus."

"Yes, 'Mione?"

"I think I have an idea for revenge on Harry."

"Excellent! What did you have in mind?"

"Well…"

* * *

Harry was getting frantic. It seemed like NO ONE in Cedar Point had pie! How could NO ONE in this place have pie? Unless people here didn't like pie… Harry shuddered at the mere idea that no one in America liked pie. Not liking pie was like… not breathing!

"Do you have pie here?" he asked a man selling food.

"No, kid. We sell ice cream, not pie."

"But you've GOTTA have pie!"

"NEXT!"

"Sir, I need pie! Do you at least have pie-flavored ice cream?"

"No, now get out of the way!" the man snapped, glaring at him.

"NO! NOT UNTIL I GET MY PIE!"

"Well go look somewhere else, kid!"

"I'M NOT A KID! AND I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING PIE FROM ME, GIVE IT TO ME!" Harry angrily threw the Dippin Dots stand over.

"SECURITY!"

A creepy old lady tapped him on the shoulder.

"What?" he snapped, irritated.

"If you're looking for pie, try the picnic area. There's usually pie there," the creepy-looking old lady said. She had a cane, and her right eye twitched.

"Uh, thanks," Harry replied, eying her warily before taking off.

"After him! The brat's getting away!" a security guard yelled. The security guards raced after Harry, weapons in hand.

* * *

Harry finally found the picnic area. He had lost the crazy guards in the thick crowds a while ago. His craving need for pie was growing. HE NEEDED PIE! He scanned the families' food, looking for any kind of pie.

Putting his nose in the air, Harry sniffed the air for any traces of pie. His MAGICAL PIE SENSES were tingling. There! It was all by itself, there were no signs of it belonging to anyone.

"Come, little pie. Come to daddy!" Harry giggled happily, skipping towards the lone pie.

Just as he was about to dig in to the tasty, mouth watering pie, it started to float away!

"I didn't know that pies could fly in America… hey, wait! Someone's trying to steal my pie! Get back here, pie! I WANT TO EAT YOU!" Harry exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. He frantically tried to chase after the pie, but the pie was always a step ahead of him.

He chased it all over the park, stepping on feet, pushing people over. He didn't care about anything except catching that pie!

"COME BACK HERE, PIE! I NEED TO EAT YOU!" Harry shouted.

Finally, it stopped, landing on the ground close to him. He dived onto the ground, finally catching the pie.

Looking down, he noticed there was a big red X where his face was. Looking around in confusion, he shrugged before leaning in to eat some of the delicious pie.

Suddenly, Harry heard something snap above him. Looking up, he saw a net holding a bunch of water balloons. He had enough time to mutter, "Oh, shit!" before the net holding back the balloons vanished, allowing all of the water balloons to fall on his head.

Harry spotted Hermione and Remus laughing, off to the side. "This is NOT funny, guys! I'll get you for this! And why did you have to ruin the pie? The pie didn't do anything wrong!" A soaked Harry shouted, holding up the wet pie.

This only made the couple laugh even harder.

"Revenge is sweet!" Hermione giggled, wiping a tear from her eye.

"High five!" Remus grinned, high fiving his girlfriend.

"There he is!" a gruff voice yelled. Searching for the owner of the voice, Harry saw the security guard from earlier.

"Shit!" Harry scrambled to his feet and started running.

"Oh wait, the pie!" Harry stopped in his tracks, raced back and snatched the wet pie before taking off in the opposite direction of the guards.

"RUN HARRY RUN!" Remus shouted, rolling around on the ground with Hermione, laughing.

"Oh by the way, thanks for the heads up," a security guard said to Remus, pausing for a second before resuming the chase for the "crazy pie guy". Well, that was the codename the chief had given him...

* * *

"Look, we're almost at the beginning of the line!" Lily said, excitedly.

"At last! Are we going to sit together?" James asked.

"Of course!" Lily smiled.

"Hey, what about me?" Sirius exclaimed, indignantly.

"Get one of those cute girls to sit with you, they have an odd number," James said, pointing to the group of girls Sirius had been waving to earlier.

"Fine," Sirius pouted for a couple seconds, then shouted, "Hey! Yeah, you! Does one of you want to ride the Millennium Force with me?"

The girls immediately squealed, putting their hands in the air. Sirius thought about which one was hottest, finally coming to a conclusion. "Blue shirt, get over here!" The blonde girl in the blue shirt giggled excitedly, heading up in line to meet Sirius.

"So what's your name?" he asked, putting on his best charm.

"Rachel," she giggled.

"I'm Sirius."

"Nice to meet you, Sirius," Rachel giggled again, putting her arm around Sirius' waist.

Rolling her eyes, Lily looked up at James. "Are you ready?"

"That depends. Are YOU ready?"

Lily giggled, and was about to say something, but was stopped short when the next cart came up.

"I hope you are," she said, when they were both secured to the seats.

"I hope YOU are. You were scared stiff on the Dragster," James teased.

Behind them, Sirius and Rachel were flirting.

"So, do you live here?" Sirius asked, giving Rachel a smile he was famous for at Hogwarts.

Naturally, it worked like a charm. Rachel flipped her straight brown hair back, giggling. "I live in New York City. My aunt and uncle bought a cottage on the lake, so we come here every so often,"

"You know, I have a thing for NYC girls," Sirius flirted.

"Oh, really? I like your accent."

"Why thank you, my lady."

"You wanna make out?"

"How about after the ride?"

"Okay!"

Behind Sirius and Rachel, Ron and Lavender were (as usual) snogging.

"I love you so much, Lavender."

"Not as much as I love you."

The Millennium Force took off, creaking up the first hill. Lily grabbed James' hand, Rachel leaned in to kiss Sirius, and Lavender and Ron were arguing about who loved who the most. As it reached the top, the anticipation grew.

Then, their ride flew down the hill, twisted and turned. Everyone was screaming, and hands were thrown up in the air. Before the group knew it, the ride was over, and the coaster had stopped at the station.

"Wow, that was fun!" Sirius grinned, climbing out.

"Here's my number. Call me sometime," Rachel smiled, scribbling her phone number on a piece of paper handed it to him. She turned back to meet her friends, but he called after her, "Hey, you promised me a kiss!"

Rachel stopped, and turned around. "I did, didn't I?" She came closer and closer to Sirius; so close a magazine couldn't separate them. She leaned up to kiss him. Sirius leaned down, and they kissed. When they broke apart, Sirius spun her around and kissed her again.

"Do we really have to watch this?" Lily asked, grimacing in disgust.

"He's wooing her, Lils. This is a chance to watch the Master at work!" James responded.

"Ugh," Lily grimaced again.

Sirius and Rachel broke apart again, and Rachel dazedly walked back to her friends, calling, "Call me!" back to him.

Sirius coolly walked back to James, Ron, Lily, and Lavender with a smirk on his face.

"Don't say a word," Lily said, narrowing her eyes.

Sirius rolled his eyes and high fived James when she wasn't looking.

"Where do you want to go now?" Ron asked.

"How about the Maverick? That's close," Lavender suggested.

"Sure!" Lily said.

"Rachel's a good kisser," Sirius said, dreamily.

"Padfoot, she's going on the Maverick next," James pointed out.

"The Maverick it is!"

"Let's go, then! The lines get longer the more we waste time!" Ron said.

"The smartest thing he's said all day," James laughed.

* * *

Harry was getting frustrated. It seemed like no matter what he did, those pie-hating guards would always be a step behind him! He was heading down to the Millennium Force again; that was where he had lost them last time.

"I JUST WANTED SOME PIE!" Harry shouted back at the guards. "WHO DOESN'T LIKE PIE?"

"You mean to say you just wanted some pie?" a guard asked, skeptically.

"Yeah."

"I have an apple pie right here!" the guard said, holding one out.

Harry raced back and snatched it out of the guard's hands. He was just about to take a bite of pie WHEN…

"Ha! Gotchya, kid," a different guard said, snapping handcuffs on Harry.

MEANWHILE…

Remus and Hermione were watching James, Lily, Sirius, Ron, and Lavender from behind some bushes. Some guards hadn't gotten the message when Harry was caught, and the couple used this to an advantage.

Pulling one over, Remus said, "You see that black-haired guy with glasses? Doesn't he look like they guy you were chasing?"

The security guard's eyes widened and he sprinted towards the messy, black-haired teenager.

"HEY! What are you doing, kid? You think it's funny, ruining good ice cream 'in the name of pie'?"

James looked confused, "What are you talking about?"

"You're coming with me, kid," the guard approached him.

"What did I do?"

"Don't play all innocent with me!" the guard whipped out handcuffs and grabbed James' hands.

"What did he do?" Lily asked. "Did it have to do with those water balloons he threw off the Dragster?"

"He did WHAT?" the guard exclaimed, dropping the handcuffs.

"RUN PRONGS, RUN!" Sirius exclaimed. James took off, running away from the guard… and ran straight into another one.

"Gotchya, kid," the other guard smirked, handcuffing James.

"AND we're taking you four in for attempting to assist him," the guard who was next to Lily, Sirius, Ron, and Lavender said.

"Don't even TRY to escape," he said, as they were taken away, out of line.

"This is all YOUR fault!" Lily hissed at James, angrily.

"I don't even know what I did! Normally I do, but I don't have a clue this time!" James defended himself. His voice was getting higher and higher as he spoke. Normally Lily would've made fun of him for it, but not this time.

"Quiet!" the guard demanded.

They finally reached the "prison". It has quotation marks because it wasn't really a prison, just a holding cell.

"Now, we're going to wait here until your parents come to get you, you little troublemakers."

"Uh, our parents are in England," Lily said, uncertainly.

"Sucks for you!"

"Don't we get a phone call?" James asked.

"Of course. You first, red head," the guard handed a phone to her.

* * *

Remus and Hermione were cracking up. This was the best revenge ever! Sure, people were giving them weird looks, but it was worth it!

"Did you see the look on James' face when he ran into that second guard?" Remus asked.

"It's a look I'll never forget!"

"I feel bad about Lily, though. She didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, Remus. Do you want to break them out?"

"Them?"

"Well, we can't break Lily out without breaking out the others. We have to look like the heros."

"You're so smart," Remus said, kissing her.

"Oh, I know. I'm just worried Harry will figure out it was us."

"It's HARRY, Hermione."

"Yeah, I know. But he HAS had his moments…"

"Okay. Let's go break them out. And we can always blackmail Harry into not saying anything, if we must."

"That's brilliant!" Hermione smiled, kissing her boyfriend.

A few minutes later, Remus and Hermione were standing outside the "prison" where their friends were being kept.

"So I use the Stunning Spell to knock all of the guards out, and you grab the keys to unlock their doors. Then we all make a break for it and Apparate back to Hogwarts!"

"Why can't I use magic?" Hermione whined.

"Because YOU'RE still underage," Remus smirked.

"Fine," Hermione crossed her arms and pouted.

"One the count of three," Remus said. Hermione nodded, and said, "One."

"Two."

"Three!"

Taking a deep breath, Hermione and Remus busted the doors open. Before anyone could react, Hermione took out the security cameras, and Remus stunned all the guards.

"Where are the keys, 'Mione?" Remus asked. Hermione was frantically searching the counter for them.

"Are you a wizard or not? Use '_Alohamora_'!" Ron shouted.

"Oh. Right, I forgot about that one," Remus said, feeling stupid for once in his life.

Five minutes later, everyone was out of their prison cells.

"We should probably go back to Hogwarts now," Lily said.

"For once, I agree," James sided with her.

Suddenly, Professor McGonagall appeared.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL OF YOU DOING HERE? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLASS!" she exclaimed, furiously.

"Well, uh-," Lily started to speak.

"It's a long story," Remus said.

"Detention! All of you, everyday, for a month!" she snapped.

"What about our deal, Minnie?" Sirius reminded her.

McGonagall looked surprised, then frustrated. "Fine, everyone EXCEPT Potter and Black."

"Yes!" James said, high fiving Sirius.

"WHAT? What did they do to get out of detention?" Lily exclaimed.

"It's confidential, Lily. Confidential means top secr-," James began to say.

"I know what confidential means, James!" Lily snapped.

"Just be thankful all of you aren't suspended or expelled for this little stunt!" McGonagall glared at all of them. "Now we're going to see Dumbledore, and he won't be happy about this."

"Ehem?" James coughed, looking at her expectantly.

"Except Potter and Black."

"Thank you," Sirius said, smirking.

Right before they were about to leave using McGonagall's Portkey, Harry's eyes widened as he realized, "I NEVER GOT MY PIE!"

"You mean we got into all this trouble because you HAD TO HAVE PIE?" Ron burst out.

"Yes. Pie is very important to me!"

"You are unbelievable."

"Why thank you, Ron," Harry smirked.

"How did they get out of detention? HOW? It's just not possible, it can't happen!" Lily was obsessing over this.

"Believe me, Miss Evans, you don't want to know," McGonagall said, tiredly.

* * *

Here's the link for a picture of the Maverick, in case you aren't familiar with Cedar Point rides: http:/wwwDOTiaapaDOTorg/industry/funworld/2007/nov/features/WhatGoesArround/images/MaverickDOTjpg

Thank you so very much for reading.

So enjoy life, have a great summer! :)


	23. Payback's a Bitch part ONE

Hello, readers! How are you on this fine day? So it's not really fine here (cloudy and kinda rainy, ugh), but yeah... I present you with third to last installment of The Ancient Art of Note Passing and Maraudering! I apologize for the long wait, my creativeness is on a low level right now, so this probably won't be as good as the others, but hopefully some Dr Pepper and chocolate chip cookies will change that. :)

If you like this story, check out some of my other stories if you get the chance. (: And I am currently working on another story for Harry Potter, so that should be up and running within the next year or the year after, if I stick with it. I wrote an outline, so that should help...

For my final note, I would like to say that Paramore and No Doubt put on a sick show! You really should go if they're coming to an area near you. Or even if they aren't, go anyways. It's worth it! :) Oh, and since I probably won't be updating for a bit, happy 4th of July! WOOT! (:

I would like to thank **Soreye**, **the sudoku kid**, **future-famous-jen** for **reviewing!** Thanks a bunch, guys! It really does mean a lot. If I forgot anyone, let me know and I'll fix it ASAP. :)

Disclaimer:

Me: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter. Never will, either :'(

Sirius: Yeah, you don't! If you did, you would be filthy rich, and you aren't! You're broke, actually.

Me: -glares-

Sirius: Backing away now. -puts hands up before he turns and runs-

Me: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Chapter Twenty One: Payback's a Bitch part 1

"Can you believe that James and Sirius, JAMES POTTER AND SIRIUS BLACK, got out of detention, while the rest of us were stuck with detention every day for a month with McGonagall?" Lily ranted to anyone who would listen.

And by now, no one was really paying attention to her since she had been going on about this since Dumbledore had assigned their punishments (detention, detention, detention). It was two days later, and classes were over for the day.

"Get over it, Lily. It's just detention," Sirius smirked, loving this.

"But I NEVER get detention!"

"You can't go through Hogwarts without getting at least one detention!" James said, clearly enjoying this.

"You mean to say that you never got a detention until now?" Remus asked, in disbelief.

"Yes," Lily sniffed.

"We should've included Lily in that deal," James muttered to Sirius.

"You say that _now_," Sirius whispered back.

"What DEAL are you talking about?" Lily asked, angrily.

"Uh, what deal? There was no deal!" Sirius said, jumping.

"Sirius, I heard you! What deal?" Lily snapped, looking rather insane. Like a nicer version of Bellatrix. Now SHE was an insane, crazy bitch!

"The deal where we… RUN!" Sirius exclaimed, running away with James close on his tail.

"After them!" Lily shouted, chasing the two Marauders.

Meanwhile, Harry was looking at Remus and Hermione suspiciously.

"Why are you looking at them like that? They saved us from those crazy jail guys at Cedar Point," Ron asked.

"Something doesn't feel right," Harry glared at the innocent-looking couple, who were laughing at the scene Lily, James, and Sirius were making. They weren't paying any attention to Harry and Ron.

"What are you talking about?"

"At Cedar Point they tricked me into chasing a pie and dumped water balloons all over me, and-,"

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ron burst out laughing at this, drawing Hermione and Remus' attention. Harry glared at Ron. If glares could kill, let's just say Ron wouldn't be here anymore.

"Uhm, that's just so funny!" Ron said, pointing where Lily was still chasing James and Sirius around.

"Sure, Ron…" Remus said, rolling his eyes. Hermione looked at Ron like he was a nut, and some would say that he was.

"Nice save."

"Thanks."

"We should go somewhere private to discuss this possible case of mutiny."

"Oh, really, you just thought of that?"

"Hey, only I CAN BE SARCASTIC!" Harry shouted, causing Remus and Hermione to give them weird looks again.

"He said something sarcastic," he said, glaring at Ron.

"You're crazy, Harry," Remus said.

"I second that," Hermione added.

"Yeah, crazy for pie," Ron muttered under his breath. Fortunately, no one heard him.

"We are going to go-," Harry started to say.

"Practice Quidditch!" Ron interrupted.

"Yeah, practice Quidditch!" Harry said, dragging Ron away.

"What's their problem?" Remus asked.

"Who knows? Maybe they're PMSing or something," Hermione shrugged, and kissed her boyfriend, both of them forgot about Harry and Ron's strange behavior.

MEANWHILE, IN A DARK CORNER OF THE LIBRARY…

"Practice Quidditch Ron, seriously?"

"Well would they believe you if we said we're going to do our homework?"

"Actually, no. But if they go to the Quidditch field to see if we're actually there, and we're not, they'll know something's up!"

"If they ask, we'll say that there was a Quidditch team practicing for the next game and wouldn't let us in."

"That's actually a good idea, Ron."

"Thanks. I do have my moments."

"They're very few."

"I have more than you do, though."

"You wanna bet?"

"Yeah!"

"We'll talk to James and Sirius after this and see what they say."

"Why not Lily? Or Hermione?" Ron moaned.

"Lily has gone insane with the detention thing, and Hermione is one of the people we're going to get back at,"

"Is there anyone else left besides them?"

"Nope!"

"You might as well have won, then."

"Awesome! What do I get?"

"Oh, ha! We never bet on anything, so I win!" Ron cheered, earning glares from other people in the library.

"Whatever, Ron. We need to get James and Sirius here anyways- they're involved with this, too."

"No, we can't involve James and Sirius."

"And why not?"

"They're too close to Remus."

"Good point, but I still think we should involve them in the revenge plot."

"We need a codename, not 'the revenge plot'."

"We'll think of that later. We need to get James and Sirius away from Lily so we can focus on this together. The more great prankster minds, the better!"

"Okay, let's go make a distraction. Where's your cloak?" Ron asked.

"Right here!" Harry said, pulling it out of his pocket.

"Nice. Now where are James and Sirius?"

Pulling out the Marauders Map, Harry said, "_I solemnly swear I am up to no good,"_ and pointed his wand at the map.

"There they are!" Ron exclaimed pointing, earning more glares from others near him.

"They're close to Hagrid's, and Lily's close behind him. Remus and Hermione aren't far behind," Harry said.

"So what do we do?"

"We go in the direction of Hagrid's house, until we see them. Then, we do this…" Harry began whispering the plans in Ron's ear.

NEAR HAGRID'S…

"This is insane! Your loco girlfriend is STILL chasing us!" Sirius exclaimed, somehow managing to shoot a glare at James and still maintain the same speed.

"We can hurry up and hide at Hagrid's!" James said.

"Good plan, his hut is close!"

"No, you aren't getting away from me! NOT THIS TIME!" Lily shouted. She really DID look hell-bent on catching her boyfriend and his best mate.

"Sorry Lily, but our deal is confidential!" James yelled back.

"So there IS a deal!" Lily yelled.

"Way to go, James," Sirius said, sarcastically.

Under the cover of the Invisibility Cloak, Ron covered Harry's mouth as he tried to shout, "HEY, ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!", but it came out more like, "Mmph I annbee armanphstimphh!"

"They're heading for the hut! We can use the back entrance, and meet them inside," Ron whispered.

"You just had another good idea," Harry said, surprised.

"Hey, I'm shocked too. But it's your dream," Ron replied, shrugging. Harry smacked his hand on his forehead.

"We'd better go in now, they're almost there," Harry said, in defeat.

"Okay!" Ron said, enthusiastically. Harry smacked his hand on his forehead again.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Just go," Harry muttered.

"Whatever you say, Harry."

CLOSE TO HAGRIDS...

"Hurry up, James! We're almost there!" Sirius called over his shoulder. Looking in front of him, he didn't have any time to stop before his body slammed into the door.

"Haha, Padfoot!" James laughed, seconds before he crashed into Sirius. Lily wasn't far behind. Sirius was fiddling with the doorknob- panic was making him VERY uncoordinated.

"Just open the fucking door so we can get in!" James shouted, frustratedly. He gave up when Sirius still couldn't open it, and did it himself. They slammed the door shut just as Lily collided with the door.

"It's not that hard to open a door, Sirius," James said, locking it. He started shoving things in front of it so Lily wouldn't be able to get through with a simple "_Alohamora."_

"Well sorry I was thinking about what Lily would do to us if she caught us! Oh, the horror!" Sirius brought his hand up to his forehead for 'dramatic effect'.

"Actually, I wouldn't mind it if Lily tied me to a tree," James said, thoughtfully.

"You've gone nutters, Prongs."

"I guess I have," James agreed, dreamily.

Just then, there was a banging on the back door.

"SHIT! We forgot the back entrance!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Dammit, we're screwed now!"

"You were the one saying you'd like it if Lily tied you to a tree!"

"I don't actually WANT her to do it, Padfoot."

"Prongs, it's official. You're nuts."

"I DO like nuts, they're really good!"

"Just hurry up and throw something against the door so your psycho girlfriend can't get in!"

"Lily's not psycho, she's just a little more… abrasive today, that's all!"

"Whatever you say, Prongs."

After they had quickly shoved something in front of the back to so Lily couldn't get in, Sirius and James breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed on the floor, relaxing. So when James' look-a-like and a redhead who wasn't Lily came out of nowhere, it was only natural for the duo to jump up and scream bloody murder. That caused Harry and Ron to burst out laughing at their reaction.

"That was great, wasn't it Ron?" Harry said, high-fiving Ron.

"Tell me about it!" Ron agreed, through his laughter.

"That was NOT funny, you two!" James said, eyeing the Invisibility Cloak. All three noticed that Sirius was still lying on the floor, not moving.

"Look what you did, you killed him!" James accused, pointing at Sirius' unmoving body.

"Must've given him a heart attack…" Ron said, only feeling a little remorse.

Suddenly, Sirius sprung up, and shouted, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A POLKA DOT BIKINI!"

Harry and Ron's screams could've woken the dead. It was so funny! James and Sirius were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Shows them for trying to get us!" James laughed, high-fiving Sirius.

"I deserve an Oscar for that! That was brilliant!" Sirius said, cackled.

"Oh, we got them good!"

Harry and Ron had caught on now, and had crossed their arms, pouting.

"Do you want to know the real reason we're here, or should we just leave?" Harry glowered at the pair of pranksters.

"Okay, we're finished," James tried to hold in his laughter, so it came out as snorts. THAT caused Sirius to laugh even harder.

"Fine, I guess we'll just leave and let your psycho girlfriend capture you…" Harry said, nonchalantly.

"Okay, NOW we're finished," James said, elbowing Sirius, who just barely managed to turn his laughter into coughs before they somehow subsided.

Harry told them everything. How Remus and Hermione had plotted against them, tipped off the security guards, EVERYTHING. By the time he had finished, both James and Sirius' jaws had dropped to the floor.

"How could Remmy betray us like that? Our day of fun was ruined because of that!" James exclaimed.

"I didn't think either of them had it in them. I'm impressed," Sirius said, nodding.

"And now you want US to help you get revenge?" James guessed.

"It would be your revenge too," Harry said, earnestly.

"I'm bored," Sirius said.

"How on earth can you be bored? We're about to agree to plot revenge against people who got revenge against us!" Ron burst out.

"You'll get used to it," James shrugged, sounding like this happened every day.

"Okay, what should we do?" Harry asked the two 'master' pranksters.

"Remus and Hermione are smart, and both of them are bookworms. We just need to OUTsmart them," James said, thinking aloud.

"Hey, why don't we prank Remus and Hermione?" Sirius exclaimed, making all of them jump.

"That's what we're doing, nimrod," James rolled his eyes.

"We should trick them into thinking we don't know anything. AND THEN we strike. Dungbombs, water balloons, the whole enchilada," Sirius said, waving his arms around emphatically.

"How do you know that big word?" James asked, surprised.

"OMG! REMUS MUST HAVE RUBBED OFF ON ME! !" Sirius screamed, panicking. He started running around in the hut, until he slammed into cabinet and fell on the floor.

"Smooth, Padfoot," James rolled his eyes again.

"ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!" Harry shouted, glowering at James.

"Shut _up, _Harry. This is no time for your silly games. We need to put our differences aside and work together to defeat the common enemy: Remus and Hermione," Ron said, smartly. Harry, James, and Sirius all stared at Ron, shocked.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," they chorused.

"Is that Polyjuice potion ready?" Sirius asked, recovering from the 'horror to end all horrors'.

"Just about," James replied.

"Aren't the people in Ancient Runes taking a test after classes today?" Sirius asked, thinking.

"Yeah, they are!"

"Then I think we should use the Polyjuice potion so we look like Remus and Hermione. Then, we tie both of them up so they can't take the test. WE take the test for them, and fail on purpose. IT WILL DESTROY THEM!" Sirius said, jumping up and down excitedly.

"That's a good idea! And while we're taking the test, we can… do things… to Remus and Hermione. WATER BALLOONS!" Harry grinned.

"I want to be one of the people torturing Remus and Hermione!" Sirius exclaimed, excitedly.

"I want to, too! They pick on me, they're gonna regret it," Harry said, determinedly.

"I call Remus!" James shouted.

"Damn, I have to be a girl…" Ron muttered.

"Where are you making the potion?" Harry asked.

"In the Room of Requirement."

"First, we need to get their hair," James said.

"The hard part…" Ron muttered.

"Not if we play our cards right…" Harry grabbed a flashlight and turned it on. He put it under his chin and laughed, "Muahahahahahahahaha!"

"Back away slowly," James said, and that's what the three did.

"Are you done?" Ron asked, five minutes later.

"Almost. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I'm done," Harry said, tossing the flashlight over his shoulder.

"Okay, everyone get under the cloak. Lily's probably still out there, waiting for us to come out. She doesn't know about the cloak, OR the Marauder's Map. So we use the Map to see where she is, and go out where she isn't."

"Hang on! We still need a codename!" Ron exclaimed, remembering his and Harry's conversation in the library earlier.

"Oh, right. EVERY Marauder's prank we've done has had a codename, and this one need to have one, too!" James said.

"How about: Silly Rabbit, Tricks are for Kids?" Sirius suggested.

"Works for me! What about you guys?" James agreed, cheerily.

"Um, isn't it too long?" Harry said, tentatively.

"NEVER DOUBT THE PLANNAMER!" Sirius screeched, whipping out his wand.

"It works for me!" Ron said, quickly.

"Whatever you say, Sirius," Harry agreed, eyes wide.

"Okay, let's get out of here," James said, opening the Map. Seeing that Lily was watching the front door, the four snuck out the back way using the Invisibility Cloak. Once they were in the clear, they took off the cloak.

"Now, to put our plan into action," Sirius cackled.

"First, I need some pie," Harry said, getting the 'I need pie' expression on his face.

"Harry, have you had your medicine today?" Ron asked.

"Nope!"

"Shit, we're all doomed now," Ron groaned.

"Whatever Harry does, I'm sure Sirius is ten times worse," James said, looking at Sirius, who was eyeing a group of girls.

"No, Harry is worser. TRUST ME," Ron said, getting panicky as Harry started sniffing around.

"No, Sirius is! You've never seen him in his dorm at 3 in the morning high on sugar!"

"Let's just say unless Harry doesn't get his medication soon, we're going to be given Hell very, very soon. He can get VERY unstable,"

"Dammit, there's Remus and Hermione! HIDE!" James said, alarmed. James and Ron grabbed Sirius and Harry and hid behind a pillar so that the 'common enemy' wouldn't see them.

"Didn't you just love Cedar Point? It was hilarious, and you were genius with that plot!" Hermione said, holding hands with Remus.

"No, it was your idea to use _Wingardium Leviosa_ to lure Harry with the pie!" Remus said, laughing as they went around the corner.

"NOW it's on!" Harry said, glaring at the place where Hermione and Remus last were.

"Oh no, now we're in trouble," Ron said, anxiously.

"Why?" James asked.

"An unstable AND angry Harry is not someone you want to cross, not if you want to live."

* * *

Crappy ending, I know. But this seemed like an OK place to stop it, so I did. Hopefully you guys like it...? Oh, and in case you forgot (I did. I was reading the earlier chapters just for the hell of it), James and Sirius mentioned making a Polyjuice potion in an earlier chapter.

And, as usual, thanks for reading!


	24. Payback's a Bitch part DEUX

I just googled what the new Fall Out Boy album, Folie a Deux, means, and it's French for 'madness between two'. :D

ANYWHO, I'd like to thank **Soreye** and **the sudoku kid** for **_reviewing_**! The reviews are greatly appreciated, and encourage me to write faster.

I'm posting this before I go on vacation to Pennsylvannia, so you guys won't have to wait that long for me to update. Which would be fine, it PA wasn't the home of the Steelers... grrrrrr!

DISCLAIMER:

Me: Unfortunately, I don't own Harry Potter and Co. JKR does, though!

Sirius: Who's JKR?

Me: J. K. Rowling, the woman who owns Harry Potter and Co.

Sirius: AHA! Come on, Bella! We need to hunt down this JKR person and give them a piece of our mind! NO ONE OWNS ME!

Bella: Will there be pie?

* * *

Chapter Twenty One: Payback's a Bitch PART DEUX

"What would you do for a Klondike bar, Klondike bar? What would you do for a-,"

"Sirius, will you please shut up? We're trying to be, you know, inconspicuous and sneaky, and that's not really helping," Harry snapped.

"NEVER! Come on, sing it with me! WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR, KLONDIKE BAR? WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BA-,"

"_Silencio!" _Harry said, pointing his wand at Sirius' mouth.

"Was that really necessary?" James asked, looking at Sirius, who was trying to scream out, 'WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?'

"Yes, yes it was. I will take it off when he shuts up."

"Uhm, isn't he already quiet?" James asked.

"Oh… right… Sirius, will you not shout like that anymore?" Sirius nodded vigorously, so Harry took off the spell.

"I swear to God, if you EVER do anything like that again…" Sirius glared at Harry, his right hand moving towards his wand, in a threatning gesture.

"Where are we going, again?" Ron asked, cluelessly.

"To find Remus and Hermione to get a piece of their hair," James replied, rolling his eyes. He was _so_ used to this by now.

"Hey, look what I have!" Harry said, excitedly holding up a book for them all to see.

"OH MY GOD, IS REMUS RUBBING OFF ON YOU, TOO? WE SHOULD ALL PLOT AND DESTROY HIM FOR MAKING US THIS WAY!" Sirius shouted.

Harry smacked his hand on his forehead, while James banged his head repeatedly on the wall behind them.

"What? Was it something I said?" Sirius asked, not having a clue what was wrong.

"What book is it?" Ron asked.

"It's 'The Art of War', by this guy… Sun Tzu!" Harry said, pointing at the title.

"Cool! And why should I care?" James asked.

"Because it can help us win against Remus and Hermione!"

"I don't need a stupid _book_ to win against those two!"

"Are you suuuurrrrrreeeeeeeeee? Absolutely POSITIVE?" Harry questioned, with wide eyes.

"Ummm, yeah?" James replied, looking at Harry like he was a nut.

"Well TOO BAD! I'm using this book to help us, whether you BOOK HATERS like it or not!" Harry snapped, his right eye twitching.

"Ron, you were saying something about medication?" James hinted, a little forcefully.

"Oh, right. You two get the hair, I'll take Harry to see the nurse for his daily medication," Ron said, dragging a protesting Harry behind him. In the rush, Harry had dropped the book. Sirius picked it up.

"'The Art of War'... hmmm," Sirius opened it and started flipping through the book. He stopped at a random page, and decided to read aloud, "If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him."

"What does that mean?" James asked.

"I have no idea. Why are you so interested? You completely shut down that idea."

"I have a reputation of book-hating to uphold! So we pretend to hate it, while secretly use it."

"Works for me!"

"Read some more, Padfoot."

"If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected."

"Mr. Padfoot, do you want to get some ice cream from the kitchens while we ponder this man's wise words?"

"Of course, Mr. Prongs. You lead the way."

"With pleasure, Mr. Padfoot."

With that, the two Marauders linked arms and marched to the kitchen.

MEANWHILE, IN THE HOSPITAL WING…

"I'm sorry, this place is filled with an unusual amount of injuries and sicknesses happening today. Can you two wait outside?" Madame Pomfrey said.

"Sure, just hurry! Harry can get… let's just say… insane… if he doesn't get his medication soon!" Ron said, alarmed as Harry tried to poke a butterfly.

Madame Pomfrey took one look at Harry's bizarre interest in the butterfly, before she said, "You two, come with me. I'll make this quick."

She led them behind a counter, and ran her finger through the bottles. "Ah, here it is! Take two pills once a day. He can have one now," She took a pill out and said, "Open up, Harry."

Harry's head snapped towards her, and he shouted, "NO! I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!" He knocked over a bunch of boxes and raced out of the Hospital Wing. He would've been great at track…

"HARRY!" Ron shouted after his friend. Turning to Madame Pomfrey, he said, "We need to find Harry and catch him, ASAP! Who knows what he could do now?"

"I'm on it. GUYS!" Madame Pomfrey called. On her call, five men, dressed in black business suits, appeared by her side.

One of them, a tall, muscular black male, stepped forward and said, "Yes, Madame?"

"There's an unstable teenager that needs to be caught NOW. Here's a picture, and this kid will go with you to help you identify him and be a reference," Madame Pomfrey ordered, handing him a picture of Harry.

"We are on it, Madame!" the muscular black male, who had an extremely deep voice, said. He, along with the other four men, saluted her before they marched out of the room (one was dragging Ron by the ear behind him).

IN THE KITCHENS…

"Would you say that Remus is 'temperamental'?" James asked.

"If you push him enough," Sirius replied, knowing from experience.

"It says that if the forces are united, separate them. Does that mean we have to separate Remus and Hermione?"

"I think so. This book is so weird!" Sirius said.

"Would you say that the sovereign in this situation would be Remus, and the subject Hermione?"

"I don't know what the hell sovereign means, but sure,"

"Gee, you're a big help."

"I'm TRYING to eat my ice cream! You're ruining the ultimate ice cream experience!"

"Well I'M trying to figure out what the hell this guy is saying!"

Suddenly, Sirius gasped.

"What?" James asked.

"This is what the guy was talking about, in that book! 'If the forces are united, separate them'."

"Wow, that's actually pretty smart thinking, Padfoot!"

"Why thank you, Prongs!"

"So what we have to do is separate Remus and Hermione. Make them fight. And in the process, we'll sneak towards them and get their hair!"

"YEAH!" James exclaimed, high-fiving Sirius.

"And who knows Remus and Hermione better than anyone?"

"We do! We use their strengths to our advantage. They'll never know what hit them!"

"And this is why we're a team," Sirius said. James nodded in agreement and said, "Remus and Hermione won't know what hit them!"

"Padfoot, I just said that."

"Well, I said it better!"

"Whatever, Padfoot."

"You're just saying that because you know I'm right."

James gave up and rolled his eyes.

Sirius eyed James' half-eaten ice cream bowl. "Are you going to eat that?" he asked. James looked at Sirius' empty ice cream bowl and said, "Get your own, Padfoot!" Pouting, Sirius thought for a second, then took his spoon and got a scoop of James' ice cream.

"No. You didn't just do that."

"Well you said to get your own."

James groaned, "Will you ever learn?"

"Learn what?"

"Oh, forget it," James said as he banged his head against the table.

"You know, your forehead's gonna get bruised if you continue to do that,"

MEANWHILE, THE HARRY HUNT IS A FAIL… OR IS IT?

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, FOOLS! I'M UNCATCHABLE!" Harry yelled, running on the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during supper.

"He must've had an excess amount of sugar today. Or he's under stress. Either way, we aren't likely to catch him," Ron said, hopelessly.

"We'll see about that," the male mentioned earlier said. Let's call him Mr. Bob, shall we? Mr. Bob took out something that looked like a shot, only weirder and more convoluted.

"What the hell is that?" Ron asked.

"This is a very special tool. I like to call it 'my baby'. But to you, it is Weapon No. 116,"

"What does it do?"

"It fires sedatives."

"OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COOL!"

Let's just say Mr. Bob fired a sedative at Ron that just missed his you-know-what.

"Sir, the target is getting away!"

"AFTER HIM!" Ron screamed, pointing his finger at Ron. And this was all happening with the entire staff present, along with nearly all the students who were present for supper.

"YOU'LL NEVER CAPTURE ME! I WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!" Harry exclaimed, dodging the sedatives being fired at him. However, other students who weren't so lucky suddenly found themselves face first in their food.

On the staff table, Dumbledore sighed. "This is going to take a lot of memory-clearing."

"Couldn't you just hit him down with a '_Stupefy_'?" McGonagall asked. Always the reasonable one, she was.

"Now where would the fun be in that?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he said it. McGonagall sighed heavily before she said, "I'll get someone to clear out the sedated bodies," Though the times were few and far in between, she wondered how Dumbledore was still the Headmaster when he let chaos reign like this.

Mr. Bob's sedative shots, which would normally be extremely and so accurate it was almost creepy, were honestly no match for Harry. In his hyperactive state, not even a tracking sedative could get Harry.

Ron saw this, and said, "Harry is in a hyperactive state, nothing will be able to hit him,"

"So what do we do?" Mr. Bob asked.

"Pray that he crashes soon."

"How long will that take?"

"It depends - sometimes it takes two hours, or two minutes."

"TWO HOURS?"

"Or more, depending on how much sugar he's had,"

"…Fuck…"

"I know, Mr. Bob, I know."

Just as Harry was about to leap off a table, his right eye twitched, and he collapsed in mid-leap.

"YES! WE'VE GOT HIM!" Mr. Bob cheered, which was really strange since he had an extremely deep voice. Just as his men were about to grab him, Harry leaped up and screeched, "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, I'M HARRY PO-," And he fainted again.

"We'd better handcuff him if he does it again," Mr. Bob says, handcuffing him.

"Good idea, though I doubt it would hold him," Ron said, doubtfully.

"We should take him back to Madame Pomfrey," Mr. Bob said, gesturing to his men to pick up Harry and take him to the nurse.

Mr. Bob led the four other men back to the Hospital Wing. Turning to Ron, he said, "Kid, if I had hair, that boy would've just turned it all gray."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. There is a positive, though," Ron said.

"And that is…?"

"Life is never boring around Harry."

"That actually makes sense, creepy red head kid."

"I know it does, Mr. Bob. I think we should follow them in case Harry wakes up. I doubt they'll be able to handle Harry in his state of mind."

"Alright, let's go. People are staring."

"Damn, they are! How did I not see that?"

Mr. Bob rolled his eyes, and dragged Ron (by the ear) out of the Great Hall.

MEANWHILE…

"You're sure this is gonna work?" Sirius asked, looking at Remus and Hermione from behind a post.

"Positive, Padfoot. Believe in the power of the force of, of, of, our evil plotting!"

"Okay," Sirius said, eyeing Remus and Hermione suspiciously.

"And in three… two… one…" James said. He and Sirius came out from behind the pillar and walked over to the 'victims'.

"Hey, guys! What's up?" Sirius exclaimed, loudly.

"Not much. Trying to get ready to take a test in Ancient Runes," Remus replied.

"Oh, are you worried?" James asked.

"No, we aren't really. We've studied a lot… although the people in the last class who took it before us said it was really hard," Hermione said.

"Awww, I'm sure you guys will do fine. You'll have nothing to worry about," James said, putting his arms around the two. The couple looked surprised by his action, but shrugged it off. When they weren't looking, James pulled a hair from Remus, and then Hermione.

"OW!" They exclaimed simultaneously, glaring at James.

"What did I do?"

"You pulled my hair!" Hermione accused.

"No, that was a bug!"

"Yes, you did pull our hair, James," Remus sided with Hermione.

"Oh, so you side with her? It figures you would, you spend all your time with her now," James glowered.

"She's my girlfriend! And you pulled my hair, too, wierdos," Remus said, sensibly.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Hermione said.

"Right behind you, 'Mione."

After they were out of sight, Sirius asked, "Did you get the hair?"

James held up two pieces of hair and smirked, "You dare doubt my abilities?"

Sirius laughed and said, "Not anymore!"

James and Sirius headed towards the Room of Requirement, where the four had agreed to meet when they were done.

MEANWHILE…

The men who were carrying the unconscious Harry Potter dropped him unceremoniously on an empty bed, relieved to set him down.

"Quick, strap him to the bed!" Ron said, urgently. Madame Pomfrey, who had seen them come in, did just that, so Harry wouldn't be able to move if he woke up.

"Thank you boys, that'll be all for now," the nurse said.

"Anytime, Madame," Mr. Bob responded, picking up her hand and kissing it. She giggled, and he went away smirking. The rest of the men followed him, feeling slightly sick inside.

"Come on, Harry. Wake up, we need you to complete the plan," Ron muttered, taking a seat by Harry's bedside.

As if Harry had heard him, his bright green eyes fluttered open, slowly coming into focus.

"What, what happened?" he asked.

"You were sugar high," Ron replied, relieved. Madame Pomfrey was instantly by Harry, checking his forehead and eye dilation.

"His eyes are normal," she reported. Thinking of something, she pulled out the bottle from earlier and stuck one in Harry's mouth before he could protest.

"Swallow," the nurse ordered. Still too confused to make a competent course of action, Harry obeyed without protest. He didn't notice Ron or Madame Pomfrey sigh in relief. The nurse took off the straps keeping his body glued to the bed after Harry showed no signs of resistance.

"OMG! WHAT ABOUT THE PLAN?" Harry shouted, suddenly remembering what they were supposed to be doing.

"What plan?" Madame Pomfrey asked. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Oh, he must still be slightly disillusioned from everything," Ron said, covering for Harry.

"Okay. You seem to have no injury, and to have calmed down quite a bit, so you're free to go," she said, walking away.

"Is Silly Rabbit, Tricks are for Kids still a go?" Harry asked, walking out of the Hospital Wing with Ron.

"Yup, it's in process right now. In fact, we're late for meeting them in the Room of Requirement," Ron replied.

"Oh! Then let's go!" Harry said, breaking into a run.

"Aw, come on! Do we have to?" Ron complained.

"YES!" he shouted back, over his shoulder.

"Fine," Ron grumbled, and took off after Harry.

* * *

So what did you think? Funny, not funny? Did I make James too much of a stick-in-the-mud? I'm a little worried that I did.

Reviews are greatly appreciated, and thanks for reading!


	25. Payback's a Bitch part TRES

So, I apologize about the long wait. I thought I had writers block, and I think I did for a while. But THEN I just realized that I had to get off of facebook, and I could write fine. I got out of facebook one night, and wrote three pages on word. Hahaha, who knew? =P If you wanna add me on facebook (or myspace), just PM me. :)

I would like to thank **tatianacat271**, **Soreye**, **the sudoku kid**, and **GroowyL** for **_reviewing_**! Thanks a bunch, it's greatly appriciated. I love you guys, thanks so much for sticking with my story! ((((:

DISCLAIMER:

Me: Voldy, take it away!

Voldy: She doesn't own Harry Potter... I DO! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me: Oh, God. Here we go again...

Voldy: I have another plan to take over the world and FINALLY DEFEAT HARRY POTTER!

Me: Bella, it's your turn to listen.

Voldy: So it involves pie, LOTS AND LOST OF PIE!

Bellatrix: Ughhh, not again...

Sirius: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A DEATH EATER!

* * *

Chapter Twenty One: Payback's a Bitch part TRES!

IN THE LIBRARY…

"Say, have you noticed that our friends have been acting strange lately?" Remus asked, looking up from his Ancient Runes book.

"Yes, I have. But it turns out they were just jumpy from Harry's episode in the Great Hall," Hermione said, not looking up from her notes.

"Oh, that would make sense," Remus said, shrugging it off.

"Remus, can you test me?" Hermione asked.

"Sure, 'Mione," he replied, as Hermione handed him her notes.

MEANWHILE, IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT…

"Where were you guys?" James exploded, once Harry and Ron had entered.

"Sorry, we were held up by Harry. I'm sure you'll hear all about it at some point," Ron replied, jumping back.

"The whole plan could've been put in jeopardy because of this!" Sirius said.

"But it ISN'T, so let's just do this before we're held up even more," Harry suggested.

"Okay. Sirius, get the Polyjuice Potion," James said.

"Here it is!" Sirius said, moving the cauldron closer to them with his wand.

"Okay. Ron and I will take the potion, while you guys get the water balloons," James said. Two cups appeared, and James gave one to Ron, and kept one for himself. They both got some of the potion out of the cauldron, and James handed Ron a strand of Hermione's hair.

"I have to be Hermione…" Ron whined.

"Oh, suck it up," Harry snapped, irritated that they were late.

James and Ron put the strands of hair into their cup, and drank it all. Immediately, the potion went into effect, and a pair of bathroom stalls appeared in the room, which Ron and James raced into without hesitation.

Harry, remembering what it was like in second year, grimaced. Sirius looked at him, and said, "We need to get the water balloons and pie ready!"

"Oh, right! Thinking the words, '_I need a bunch of pie and water balloons'_, Harry smirked as a bunch of pie and water balloons appeared.

By the time this had happened, James and Ron had come out of the bathroom stalls, which promptly disappeared.

"How do we look?" James asked, who looked eerily like Remus.

"Your voice! You still sound like James!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Oh, shittt! How about this: I'm dating Hermione and get perfect grade and am a total stick-in-the-mud when it comes to FUN!"

"Brilliant, James, er- Remus!" Sirius laughed.

On the other hand, Ron was having more trouble getting Hermione's voice down.

"How's this?" Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione asked, in a very high-pitched voice.

"Nope, it sounds fake," Harry responded, gritting his teeth together to stop him from laughing.

"Is there some kind of spell to change someone's voice? This is hopeless," Harry asked James-who-looked-like-Remus and Sirius.

"Ask the room. I dunno," Sirius replied, humming a very out-of-tune that sounded suspiciously like 'WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?'

"Okay, that works," Harry said, drowning out Sirius' annoying humming by singing '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall'. All thoughts of his previous question had vanished, much to Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione's irritation.

Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione was trying to figure out how to talk like Hermione's voice. '_I need a spell that makes me sound like someone else for an hour'_.

A book appeared, and fell to the floor, opened to a specific page. Picking it up, Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione read it, grimacing as he did so. The thought of reading outside of school repulsed him beyond words.

"Aha! Here's the spell- '_Adfectio Aborior Hermione Granger'_," Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione smirked, feeling smart.

James-Remus looked at the word, then between Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione and Harry. "Do you want me to do it?" he asked.

"I think you'd better," Harry said, looking at Ron's wand.

"And what's THAT supposed to mean?" Ron exclaimed, indignantly.

"Just do it, James," Harry said, tiredly. Running around the school high on sugar could really drain you…

"'_Adfectio Aborior Hermione Granger_,'" James-who-looked-like-Remus said, pointing his wand at Ron's throat and waving it.

"Did it work?" Sirius asked, stopping his humming.

"I don't know. Ron, say something!" Harry replied.

"I like cookies," Ron-who-now-looked-and-sounded-like-Hermione.

"YES!" James, Sirius, and Harry exclaimed simultaneously. The three friends high-fived each other, grinning excitedly.

"There's no way they'll EVER see this coming!" Sirius smirked.

"I know!" James grinned.

"Okay. So what now?" Harry asked.

"Ron and I will go back as Remus and Hermione. We'll get them separated, then we'll piss them off. While they're separated, Harry and Sirius, you need to follow the REAL Remus and Hermione and knock them out. They'll be weak from they're fight, and you'll have the element of surprise on your side, too. Knock them out, and take them back to our dorm," James-who-looked-like-Remus said.

"Does looking like Remus make you feel smarter?" Sirius asked.

"A little bit, yeah," James replied. "HEY, wait... what's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing," Sirius said, whistling innocently and stepping away from James.

"We have a little less than an hour before the Polyjuice Potion wears out, so we need to hurry. Does everyone know what they're supposed to do? Any questions?" James asked.

A chorus of 'yeah's' and 'yes's', and 'yups' went out. Ron's hand shot up. Rolling his eyes, James said, "You have a question, Ronnie?"

"Why don't we take them back here?"

"EXCELLENT question, Ron. We can't take them back here, because being the smart people that they are, they would find some way to use the room against us," James answered, smartly.

"I call Remus!" Harry said, not wanting to mess with an angry Hermione.

"But ?" Sirius whined.

"So I don't have to deal with Hermione, HAHA SUCKER!" Harry laughed, pointing at a rather confused Sirius.

"Alright, let's get out of here," Harry said, eager to put plan into action.

"Damn it, Harry!" Sirius whined.

"So, is this where we do some kind of cheer and leave?" Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione asked.

"We are MEN. Men DO NOT cheer, Ron!" James snapped.

"Not even for pie?" Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione asked, timidly.

"NO! Now let us leave to fulfill our DESTINY!" Sirius exclaimed, dramatically.

"Come on, guys," James-who-looked-like-Remus rolled his eyes and pulled Sirius out of the Room of Requirement. Harry and Ron followed excitedly.

Pulling out the Map, Harry whispered, "_I solemnly swear I am up to no good_," He quickly searched for Remus and Hermione's name.

"Excellent!" he said, smirking when he found their names.

"What?" Ron-who-looked-like-Hermione asked.

"They're on the move, heading towards the Ancient Runes classroom. We can catch them on the way there and take them down there!" Harry planned, smirking a smirk worthy of Draco Malfoy.

"Only one problem," James-who-looked-like-Remus said.

"What?" Harry asked, not liking his plans to have flaws.

"The Ancient Runes classroom is on the other side of the school," James pointed out, smartly.

"Oh. Then come on, guys! We've gotta sprint there!" Harry said, determinedly. He wanted revenge!

"More running?" Ron whined. "We already ran as fast as we could here!"

"Yes, Ron. More running. Now let's go, or do you want this plan to go up in ashes because we were too slow to get there?"

Ron gumbled, "Fine. Lead the way, smartie."

"HEY! ONLY I CAN BE SARCASTIC!" Harry shouted.

"You know, that's kind of getting old," James said, yawning.

Thinking fast, Harry came up to James, who looked like Remus to anyone who wasn't in on plan , and kneed him in his private, shouting, "MEANIE! YOU'RE A MEANIEHEAD!" and he ran away.

"OW! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE CREEP!" James exclaimed. "Owwwww," he whimpered, trying to go after Harry, but failing miserably.

Ron and Sirius were laughing so hard, they had fallen on the floor. "That wasn't funny!" James snapped.

"Oh, yes it was, Prongs," Sirius snickered, wiping away a tear from his eye.

"I second that!" Ron said, laughing hysterically.

James, who had nearly recovered from the Incident, raced after Harry, groaning when he couldn't find him.

"The Map, of course!" the Marauder exclaimed.

"_I solemnly swear I am up to no good._"

"He's heading towards the Ancient Runes classroom!" he shouted.

"We could've figured that out by ourselves, thanks," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"James, you can't get Harry back now! It could jeopardize plan," Ron warned.

"Fuck plan ," James glared, and stormed angrily towards the Ancient Runes classroom.

"James, WAIT!" Ron yelled. "You can get revenge on Harry later, plan is what matters the most now!"

James paused to think about what Ron had said. Even though he looked and sounded like Hermione... "Fine. This gives me more time to think about what to do to him, anyways,"

"And a word of advice, James," Ron paused as the Marauder looked at him, "It's not wise to mess with Harry,"

"It's 'not wise' to mess with me, either," James snapped, seriously pissed off now. Ron anxiously hurried after him.

NEAR THE ANCIENT RUNES CLASSROOM…

Harry was unblinkingly watching Remus and Hermione (who were making out) closely from behind a pillar. He was watching them like a hawk watches its prey right before it strikes. Which was rather creepy and stalkerish, come to think of it.

"Damn it, where are they?" he hissed, impatiently. As if just saying it was enough, Ron, James, and Sirius came racing up next to Harry. All of them were out of breath.

"Okay, I'm going to make Remus go to the bathroom, and we'll '_Stupefy_' him, and I will take the real Remus' place while Harry and Sirius tie the real Remus up.

"Brilliant plan, James, but how do you make someone go to the bathroom?" Ron asked.

Grinning evilly, James replied, "Remus had a lot of Pumpkin Juice at lunch today," As if on cue, Remus broke apart from Hermione, and practically shouted, "BATHROOM!" in her face before racing off in the direction of the men's room, leaving a very confused Hermione behind.

"What did I tell you?" he smirked, coming out from behind the pillar so he was facing Hermione's back.

"Boo!" James exclaimed, making Hermione scream.

"Remus, you scared me!" she squealed. "I thought you went to the bathroom."

"I lied, I was going to do this," James-who-looked-like-Remus said.

"Very cute, Remus," Hermione said, looking amused.

"That's why you love me," James smirked. Taking Hermione's hand (and imagining that it was Lily's), they headed to the Ancient Runes classroom.

"Why don't we ditch?" James asked, knowing it would upset Hermione.

"We can't ditch! This test is worth fifty percent of our grade!" Hermione exclaimed, horrified.

"But come ooonnnnn, it'll be fun! Just the two of us, all alone, with a bottle of champagne," James said, seductively.

"No! How could you even SUGGEST such a dreadful idea?" Hermione said, in a very high-pitched voice, pulling her hand away from James.

"Easily, love," James leaned in closely to Hermione, so close his lips were inches from hers. Hermione pulled back, disgusted.

"I'm going to take the test. You do whatever you want, Remus," she said coldly, walking away.

"Phase one, complete," he smirked, once she was out of earshot.

Just then, Hermione walked around the opposite corner she had just left, and came up to him.

"Ron, is that you?" he asked, warily.

"Yup! Ask me a question," Ron said.

"Hmmm, what's the square root of pie?" he asked, remembering Lily talking about it before with Remus. It sounded like something people like Hermione would know.

"Uhmmm… pie has a square root? What's a square root? Damn it, James! Now I want pie!" Ron exclaimed.

"You're Ron, all right. Now come on, we've got a test to fail!"

MEANWHILE…

"_Stupefy_!" Sirius whispered, pointing his wand at the real Remus. Caught by surprise, Remus had no time to react, and fell on the bathroom floor without putting up a fight.

"Phase two, complete," Harry grinned, muttering '_Wingardium Leviosa_' so Remus' unconscious body floated in the air.

"How are we going to carry Remus like that without drawing attention?" Sirius asked.

"He slipped on the bathroom floor and hit his head, knocking him out. We are simply taking him to the Hospital Wing, like the innocent, responsible students that we are," Harry replied, smartly.

"Good cover story!" Sirius said, patting Harry on the back.

"Thanks! I get it from the best," Harry replied, grinning as he levitated Remus' body out of the bathroom. Sirius followed energetically. One of their plans was actually going according to plan!

"I- wait… how do you get it from the best?" Sirius asked, coming to a halt and looking at Harry suspiciously.

"Uhmmm, it's an expression…?" Harry tried, at a loss of what to say. Sirius wasn't fooled, so he pointed outside and exclaimed, "HEY! LOOK OVER THERE, A HUNGARIAN HORNTAIL! AND IT'S CARRYING PIE IN ITS MOUTH!"

"WHERE?" Sirius shouted, trying to find the Hungarian Horntail dragon.

"Sucker," Harry snickered, happy that distraction worked. Sirius had completely forgot about his suspicions, and was trying to find the Hungarian Horntail… or the pie… it was hard to tell with some people…

"Now Sirius, you go '_Stupefy_' Hermione, and we'll meet back in the boys' dorm," Harry said.

"Okay, fine…" he grumbled. Using the Map, Sirius noticed with wide eyes that Hermione was almost at the Ancient Runes classroom. He closed up the Map and raced off to '_Stupefy_' Hermione.

Sirius raced through the halls, until he spotted Hermione's bushy brown hair in the crowd of students. Smirking, he hid behind a pillar, and waited until Hermione had gotten close to him.

Muttering '_Stupefy_', Sirius pointed his wand at Hermione, who did NOT see it coming. She didn't have any time to react, and fell to the floor, Stunned.

"Oh yeah!" he grinned. Then realizing that some people were gathering around Hermione, Sirius shouted, "EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WAY! A GIRL HAS FAINTED, AND I AM TAKING HER TO THE HOSPITAL WING! GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

He skillfully levitated Hermione's body out of the way, acting like he knew what he was doing. Eventually, everyone went back doing whatever they were doing and ignoring Sirius and Hermione. They were used to the Marauders' strange behavior by now. 'Shame on them if they aren't', Sirius thought, smirking the famous Marauder smirk; everyone had learned to get far away from the Marauders when they wore it.

"I like this job, I like it," Sirius said, who sounded eerily like the Joker. He headed up to their dorm with Hermione's Stunned body levitating in front of him, laughing (like the Joker, which was actually really creepy) all the way.

TO BE CONTINUED…

* * *

So I think the ending wasn't very good, but that was the only good stopping point within reason. Oh, and the spell that Ron used to change his voice is actually real Latin that I looked up on Google. Reviews are welcomed! (:

Thanks a lot for reading!


	26. Payback's a Bitch part QUATRO

Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, I've been caught up with soccer, summer reading, obsessing over the Half-Blood Prince movie, obsessing over So You Think You Can Dance, facebook, and just enjoying the last bit of summer left.

Now, I'd like to thank **Soreye **and **the sudoku kid** for **reviewing**! Thanks so much, it really means a lot! =)

DISCLAIMER:

Sirius: NO, THIS GIRL DOES NOT OWN HARRY POTTER! WHY WOULD SHE NOW WHEN SHE HASN'T FOR THE LAST 25 POSTS?

Me: Thank you, Sirius. You can have a cookie now *hands him a cookie*

Sirius: YAY! I GET A COOKIE AND BELLA DOESN'T! MWAHAHAHA!

Bellatrix: Why have a cookie when you could have world domination?

Sirius: Because cookies are warm and delicious and melt in your mouth. AND THAT'S THAT.

Bellatrix: But-

Sirius: No buts. COOKIES ARE BETTER THAN WORLD DOMINATION!

Bellatrix: Whatever you say, loony.

Sirius: Thank you... HEY!

* * *

Chapter Twenty One: Payback's a Bitch part QUATRO

Remus and Hermione were quickly tied up to a bedpost, their wands taken away. "This will be fun," Harry grinned, excitedly.

"Don't wet your pants over it," Sirius rolled his eyes, used to the excitement of putting a prank into action.

"NO SARCASM! I AM THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BE SARCASTIC, SINCE I AM THE KING OF SARCASM!" Harry pulled out his wand, his right eye twitching.

"Chill out, dude!" Sirius held up his hands, alarmed by the wand.

"Hey, they're stirring!" Harry said, noticing that Remus and Hermione were, in fact, stirring.

"This will be fun," Sirius smirked, evilly.

"'_Aguamenti!'_" Harry said, spraying water from his wand onto Remus and Hermione to wake them up. And boy, they woke up very quickly after that.

"What's going on?" Hermione exclaimed, furiously.

"What's going on, she asks," Sirius snickered.

"Well, if you must know-," Harry began. Sirius interrupted by throwing a water balloon at Remus' head.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL, SIRIUS?" Remus shouted, spitting out water and shaking his hair.

"Continue," Sirius sniggered, motioning for Harry to go on.

"Are you INSANE?" Remus exclaimed, trying to break free of the ropes trapping him.

"It's no use. The ropes are enchanted, so there's really no point in wasting your energy," Sirius smirked, hurling another water balloon at Remus' face.

"OUCH! What was that for?"

"Shut up. Harry's trying to talk."

"Thank you, Sirius."

"Anytime, Harry."

"Now, as I was saying, we have done this BECAUSE of your actions at Cedar Point."

"Are you SERIOUS?" Hermione exclaimed, in an exasperated tone.

"Yes, in fact, I am," Sirius stuck out his tongue at her. Remus groaned. "You should've seen that one coming," he smirked.

"And as we speak, two of our accomplices are currently in the Ancient Runes classroom, failing, er, taking the test for you. Pray you won't have to retake the course," Harry smirked, reaching for another water balloon. "And, until they get back, this will be heaven for us, and the place where heaven-is-not for you."

"In other words, HELL," Sirius stuck his tongue out again. He reached for a pie, and both Remus and Hermione had the sense to be alarmed.

"And don't bother screaming, we put a Silencing Charm around the whole dorm," Harry added, smirking and tossing the water balloon up and down in his hand.

"You know they're going to get us back when this is all over, right?" Sirius whispered in Harry's ear.

"Yes, but I'd like to be far away, like in Mexico, before they do," he whispered back.

Frank Longbottom, who was unfortunate enough to share a dorm with the four boys, entered exactly at that moment with his girlfriend, Alice.

Frank was used to this, walking in on whatever strange scene the Marauders were doing. One time, in third year, he had walked in on Sirius and a girl. And in fourth year, he had walked in while Sirius was high on sugar (not a pleasant sight to see) singing a horribley off key version of 'GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER', and in fifth year, he had walked in on them while they were getting drunk (DEFINITELY not a pleasant sight to see). He had heard Sirius confess his love to Remus' teddy bear that night... naked...

Alice however, was in no way, shape, or form used to this. Her jaw dropped, and she screamed, "What the hell is going on in here?"

"Come on, Alice honey. This room is obviously taken, let's go to your room," Frank whispered, urgently. He managed to drag a shocked Alice away from the door, and went upstairs to Alice's dorm. However, Lily was lying on her bed reading a book when the couple entered.

"Hey Lils!" Alice said, surprised. You could say that Lily was used to Alice and Frank's little 'adventures' in the girls' dorm. So she gathered her things and said, "I'm going to the Library to study for a bit."

"Oh hey Lily, you might want to check out the Marauder's dorm. Something weird's going on in there," Alice called over her shoulder as Lily exited her dorm. But Alice opened the door a crack and said, "Hey Lily- isn't there supposed to be a test in Ancient Runes today after class?"

"Yeah, but I took it in class, because I told him I had prefect duties to attend to," Lily replied. She heard Frank snigger at the word 'duties' behind the door and rolled her eyes. Boys.

"And he bought that?" Alice asked, incredulously.

"Hook, line, and sinker," Lily smirked.

"Wow Lily! You could've been sorted into Slytherin."

Lily rolled her eyes, and replied, "I'd better go check on whatever the Marauders are doing in the dorm before it gets too out of hand."

"Oh trust me, Lily. This is one of their crazier schemes."

"Alright- I won't hold you up any more," Lily giggled as Frank pulled a squealing Alice back into the girls' dorm. The door slammed shut behind her. Lily rolled her eyes (she seemed to be doing that a lot recently) and marched up to the dorm, mentally preparing herself for whatever sight she was about to see.

"Oh God, don't make me regret this. They always said curiosity killed the cat…" she prayed, and opened the door to the Marauders' dorm.

Now Lily, too, was used to the Marauders' shenanigans over the years. From water balloons, to exploding dungbombs, she thought she had seen it all. But boy, was Lily wrong this time… Her jaw fell to the floor as she saw Remus and Hermione tied up, soaking wet and covered in pie.

"We're sorry you had to see this, Lily. We had nothing against you except a little insanity," Sirius said, looking genuinely apologetic. Then everything went black.

"Was it really necessary to Stun her?" Harry asked, skeptically.

"Yes," Sirius replied, muttering '_Wingardium Leviosa_', at Lily's unconscious body. She floated unceremoniously to where the very conscious Remus and Hermione were, and tied her up as well.

"You won't get away with this!" Hermione exclaimed. In response, Harry threw another water balloon at her.

While Sirius was locking the door to ensure no more unnecessary interruptions, Harry tossed another water balloon up and down, smirking. "Who should it be? The smart yet evil girl, or the smart yet evil boy?"

Hermione shouted, "HIM!" the same time as Remus shouted, "HER!" Then they both looked at each other apologetically. "Wrong answer," Harry smirked. He duplicated the water balloon, and threw one at Remus, and one at Hermione.

"This is a fun time. This is a very fun time," Sirius sniggered, jumping on Remus' bed just to annoy him.

"I _swear_ when I get out of here, I'm going to kill BOTH of you. Then go down to Hell, bring you back up, and do it all over again!" Remus growled.

"WE have the power! There's nothing you can do about escaping. And when Ron and James get back, it'll get all the better for us, all the more worse for you," Sirius exclaimed, gleefully.

"Lily's wand!" Harry's eyes widened as he realized that Lily was stirring, and she still had her wand. Sirius, thinking fast, saw her wand sticking out of her jeans' pocket, and grabbed it before she realized what was going on.

"Good call," Sirius said.

"Thanks," Harry smiled.

"And now what do we do?"

"Now, we wait for Ron and D-James, to get back."

"Harry?"

"Yeah, Sirius?"

"How are they going to get into the dorm if it's locked?"

"'_Alohamora_', silly boy."

"I TAUGHT YOU THAT CHARM!" Hermione burst out, furious.

"And it's come in handy the few hours. Thanks for helping, Hermione," Harry smirked, sticking his tongue out at her.

"I'm not a SILLY BOY!" Sirius glared at Harry.

"It's an expression, Sirius."

"Still… no one calls Sirius Black silly!"

"Fine, Sirius. I'm sorry I called you 'silly'."

"Thank you. That was all I asked for."

"Good, because that's all you're getting."

"You're just like Prongs in that way."

"What way?" Harry asked, alarmed.

"That's just how HE would say it! I could close my eyes, and I could be talking to James!"

"Uh-," Before Harry could reply, the door burst open. To no one's surprise, the Polyjuice Potion had worn off. There stood Ron and James, who looked like they had sprinted the whole way here.

"Did we miss anything?" Ron asked, breathlessly.

"Why is LILY tied up?" James growled at Sirius and Harry. She was just now beginning to stir.

"She wasn't supposed to be a part of it, but Lily was a witness. She could've told someone, and that would put plan in ruins," Sirius said, backing away slowly.

"Besides, we didn't hit her with water balloons or pie," Harry added, hiding behind his future godfather.

"Okay, fine. Now that SHE'S tied up…" James said, thoughtfully stroking his imaginary beard.

"Prongs, there are other people in the room," Sirius warned.

"Oh, right! Of course..." James looked disappointed.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" all of the seventh years jumped (Hermione and Lily screamed).

"Oh… hi Professor McG!" Harry said brightly. He was the first to recover.

"This isn't what it looks like, Professor!" James said, trying to cover up Remus, Hermione, and Lily by pulling off some bedcovers and throwing it over them.

"Potter, Black, what are you THINKING?" McGonagall exclaimed. She hadn't missed the three unfortunate students tied up. Two-thirds of them were covered in water and pie… oh, they would get it this time!

"POTTER, BLACK! DETENTION! AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO ISN'T TIED UP!" McGonagall screeched, furiously. Panicking, Sirius shot a stunner at McGonagall. She was in no way whatsoever expecting it, so she fell to the floor, unconscious.

"SIRIUS! WHAT DID YOU DO?" James exclaimed. "You weren't supposed to ATTACK her!"

"Run for it!" Sirius hollered, racing out the door with James, Harry, and Ron close on his heels. James came back and untied Lily, (she grabbed her wand) and raced out the door with her. That left Remus and Hermione all alone with an unconscious Professor McGonagall.

"COWARDS!" Remus shouted after them. Sirius came back, and hit Remus with another water balloon, and ran out again.

"This is not good, we have to get out of here!" Hermione said, alarmed.

"Here, McGonagall's wand! It's right by your feet, can you try getting it?" Remus asked, spotting her wand.

"Okay, I'll try," Hermione reached out with her foot, and tried to reach the wand McGonagall dropped when Sirius was stupid enough to Stun her. "It's no use, I can't reach it!" she hissed. "Have you tried using wandless magic?" she asked Remus, as inspiration struck her.

"No, but I've heard about it. Can't Dumbledore do it?"

"Yeah, he can. Can you try to get your wand to untie us?" Hermione asked. "It's our only hope if we want to get out of here before Professor McGonagall wakes up,"

"Okay, I'll try," Remus agreed, and focused really hard on the spell '_Accio_' and put his right hand out toward his wand. Nothing happened. "Can you try it?" he asked.

"Alright, I'll give it a go," Hermione nodded. The next thing she knew, her wand was in her hand!

"Wow! How did you do that?" Remus said, in wonder.

"I have no idea."

"Because I did it," McGonagall said, making them both jump. She was standing up, and with a flick of her own wand, undid the bonds trapping them.

"Thanks," Hermione said, giving herself a shake.

"Now it's time to kill them!" Remus said, grabbing his wand.

"You might want to take a shower first," McGonagall said. "They'll have detention for a month- OH..."

"What is it?" Hermione asked, curiously.

"Oh, nothing important," McGonagall replied, indifferently. Remus thought she looked pissed, though. Extremely.

"So how are we going to get back at them?" Hermione whispered, once McGonagall was gone.

"We aren't," Remus smirked.

"What? Have you lost it?"

"It's the perfect plan- they'll be so afraid of what they think we're going to do to them that they'll be so paranoid, and it will DRIVE THEM INSANE!" Remus laughed.

Hermione took a step away from him and grinned, "That's a brilliant idea! They won't know what hit them- because nothing will!" He leaned in to kiss her, but she stopped him. "Shower first."

"Er- right. Do you want to - ?"

"Yes!"

"Great! Let's go!"

MEANWHILE…

"We've got to get out of here!" Sirius exclaimed.

"And where do you suppose we go, hmmm?" James asked, sarcastically.

"Well, I always wanted to go to Mexico!" Sirius grinned.

"Mexico it is, then!"

"Wait a second… McGonagall can't give us detention! Remember?" Sirius realized.

"Sirius, you're a genius!" James laughed.

"But we still need to hide from Remus and Hermione! They'll be free by now, hunting the halls looking for us…" Harry whimpered.

"Why can't McGonagall give you detention?" Lily demanded, putting her hands on her hips and looking slightly intimidating (Ron and Harry were reminded of an angry Mrs. Weasley).

"It's a long story, Lily. We need to focus on our next plan of action," James replied.

"Which is...?" Sirius prompted.

"...Mexico," James answered, firmly.

"We can't run away! We were put in Gryffindor for a reason, weren't we?" Ron said.

"He would make a good 'don't jump' speaker," Sirius whispered to James.

"Oh, I can see that very easily," James whispered back, snickering.

"We knew that Remus and Hermione were going to kill us when it was over. Now it's time to grow up and face the consequences," Ron added.

"Did someone use the Imperious Curse on you? You're acting very... smart... all of a sudden," James asked, tentatively.

"NO! Why does everyone keep asking me that? Just cause I start acting 'smart' doesn't mean something's wrong with me!" Ron exclaimed, indignantly.

"No, I think this is a trick from Remus and Hermione! They probably put him under the Imperious Curse to get to us!" Sirius burst out.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Paranoid much?"

"It's good to be paranoid! It keeps you on your toes," Sirius defended himself.

"Whatever. I'm going to get dinner. Any of you coming?" Lily asked, getting up.

"I will, Lilyflower," James jumped up, taking Lily's arm.

"Are you insane, James?"

"They aren't going to strike while I'm with Lily. She wasn't in on it," James said, more confidently than he felt.

"Well I'M going to Mexico!" Sirius stated. "Who's with me?" Harry and Ron cheered.

"...But after dinner, I'm STARVED!" Sirius said, as James and Lily headed off to the Great Hall.

"How bad do you think Remus and Hermione will get us back?" Harry asked as he, Sirius, and Ron followed Lily and James.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, I'm sure it will be horrible!" Ron said, his eyes wide with panic.

"Good God, Ron. Do you need another Calming Charm?"

"Yes, please Harry?" Ron tried to imitate Sirius' infamous 'puppy dog pout' face, but failed. Harry tried not to laugh, and acquiesced to his request.

"You two crack me up," Sirius laughed, throwing his arms around Harry and Ron.

"Get offa me, you big clown!" Harry grinned, throwing off Sirius' arm.

"I'M NO CLOWN!" Sirius shrieked.

"Ow, that was my ear!"

"Oh, grow up, Harry."

"STOP BICKERING!" Lily and James shouted, turning around and glaring at them.

"We're not sorry," Sirius and Harry chorused.

"You know, Lily. Mexico is a very romantic place. It's actually famous for being romantic," James tried.

"No, James. I will NOT go to Mexico with you just because you want to hide from Remus and Hermione. I WILL go with you during the summer, though," Lily replied, smiling.

"Well… that can be arranged, Lilyflower," James said, surprised because he thought Lily would completely reject the idea. Their conversation was interrupted when there were loud noises coming behind them.

"I WANT PIE!" Harry yelled.

"NO, I WANT PIE MORE!" Sirius shouted.

"WELL I WANT PIE MORE THAN YOU!"

"HA, YOU WISH!"

"NO, YOU WISH!"

"Good Lord, what's with our friends?" Lily asked, laughing.

"I don't know. Probably the crazy things going on today," James responded. "Hey… you said that they were OUR friends!"

"Well, I figured I might as well get used to them if I'm going to be your girlfriend," Lily smiled, shyly.

"Hmm, I like the sound of that!" James grinned, and put his arm around Lily's waist as they entered the Great Hall.

As they approached their usual seats, James muttered "Oh, no!" and paled considerably, stopping in his tracks. This made Sirius, Harry, and Ron (who were still arguing about who wanted pie more) bump into them and fall on the ground.

"Hey, what was that for?" Harry said, indignantly.

"That was uncalled for!" Sirius glared.

"How hard is it just to get some food around here?" Ron pouted.

Then, they all stared in horror at the sight in front of them. It was what they were fearing most in the world as of right now. In their eyes, it meant the End. There, less than five feet in front of them, was the most horrifying thing(s) to ever exist in all their lives. Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger.

* * *

So how'd you like the conclusion to 'Payback's a Bitch'? I hope there was enough funniness and randomness in there for you guys! And, thank for reading. :D


	27. Keep Your Friends Close part 1

Hello! First things first, I would like to apologize deeply for the lack-of-update. HOWEVER, during the time this story was on unofficial hiatus, I was busy updating and editing some previous chapters. Go back and look at them, they're new, improved, and look completely different. :D

Secondly, I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed, favorited, alerted, or kept with this story. Thank you so much!

Thirdly, I'm sad to say this is mostly a filler chapter that sets up for the next part to this chapter.

And finally... enjoy!

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter

* * *

Previously...

_Then, they all stared in horror at the sight in front of them. It was what they were fearing most in the world as of right now. In their eyes, it meant the End. There, less than five feet in front of them, was the most horrifying thing(s) to ever exist in all their lives. Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger._

Chapter Twenty Two: Keep Your Friends Close... part one

"James, what do we do?" Sirius whispered, his dark brown eyes wide with alarm.

"I... I say we... act natural. As far as the rest of Hogwarts knows, we're still best friends and they're unaware of any... adversity... going on between us," James said, and winked so quickly that only Sirius noticed it.

Obviously James was better at being inconspicuous than Sirius was.

"I vote Ron sits down first!" Harry whispered.

"It'll be a cold day in Hell before that happens!" Ron retorted, eyes widening in fear.

"Guys?" Lily said.

"Yeah?"

"The more we stand here, the more obvious it is," the redheaded female pointed out, logically.

"She's right. Let's just get this over with," Harry sighed, resignedly.

"Sit as far away from them as possible!" Ron hissed as they approached. Harry prayed to God that the couple hadn't heard that.

"No! Did you not hear James? We have to act _natural_. But... I guess that might be hard for you," Harry snapped - he might ruin the whole thing!

"Ron, don't you have to go to the bathroom?" James asked.

With a not-so-conspicuous nudge from Harry, Ron's eyes widened in realization and said, "I'll be right back. Gotta hit the bathroom first!"

"That was good work, men," Sirius whispered.

As a result, Lily glared furiously at him - the exact way she used to glare at James before she started cursing him with spells and hexes and so on. "Sirius..."

"And woman," he added quickly, hiding behind James as Lily smirked and looked _extremely _accomplished. "Thank you," she said, crossing her arms and looking far too haughty for her own good. Sirius glowered at her.

James coughed. "So, come on guys. Stop stalling!"

Trying not to show any fear, they fearlessly sat down next to or across from Remus and Hermione, who were way to engrossed in their own business to notice James, Sirius, Lily, and Harry's arrival yet. Which was all fine and dandy to the others, really.

Somehow, acting natural was a lot easier than they had expected. Food immediately made Sirius forget about any threat from Remus and Hermione, and Sirius's attitude quickly infected the others. James even laughed at how ridiculous their anxiety had been, and that was quickly followed by the other three. Thank God, Ron had taken the hint and stayed out of the Great Hall. He would have completely blown their cover.

Unfortunately, Remus and Hermione wouldn't have that. No, that most certainly wouldn't do at all.

"Remus are you finished?" Hermione asked, far too flirtatiously for Harry's liking. _They're up to something._ Harry thought, suspiciously.

He seemed to catch on quickly. "Why yes I _am_ finished, 'Mione. Are you ready to go?" Remus asked, standing up and offering her his arm.

"I am," she said, standing up and taking his arm. Together - with not even a single glance at James, Sirius, Harry, or Lily - they linked arms and walked out of the Great Hall.

"Do you think something's in the food?" Harry whispered, just as Ron came back into the room.

Alarmed, James spit out the piece of bread he had just been eating. "I wouldn't put it past them, those fiends!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Can't you see what they're doing? They're retaliating by _not_ retaliating," At the extremely confused expressions, she sighed and continued to explain. "Remus and Hermione are "getting back" at us by using our paranoia against us and _not_ doing anything to freak us out even more so than we would have with an actual retaliation."

Understanding began to dawn in James' eyes. "But they weren't counting on the fact that we have the greatest advantage of them all - Lily. They forgot she would have seen this coming, and now _we_ have the advantage, because we know they aren't actually going to try anything on us."

"Exactly, James! Thanks," Lily said, smiling.

"So now we can eat in piece, without wondering if there's something in the food?" Harry questioned, eyeing his meal warily.

"Yes, you can stop worrying about any... retribution from Remus and Hermione," James confirmed.

"So what do we do now, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Now... I think we should just lie low for a while," James said, thoughtfully.

"What do you mean, 'lie low'? We are _Sirius Black_ and _James Potter._ We don't bow down to anyone!"

"Yes, Padfoot. I know. But unless you have a stroke of genius for another prank, that's what I think we should all do for a while. Besides, we're on dangerous ground as it is."

Sirius sighed. "I'll start plotting..."

"Atta boy!" James cheered, clapping him on the back.

"But for now... we feast to a job well done!" James grinned, holding his glass of pumpkin juice up for a toast.

"To us!" Harry said, beaming.

"To us!" James, Sirius, Lily, and Ron echoed, toasting.

But, to their surprise, Professor McGonagall came up to James and Sirius.

"Might I speak to you two privately?" she asked - more like requested, but _hey_, she is a teacher - and with a look so dangerous that James and Sirius didn't even look at each other before nodding and following her out into the hallway, where it was more private.

"I have another... task...for you," she whispered, after checking to make sure they were alone.

"What do you need us to do?" James asked, automatically.

"Slughorn. He keeps on favoring these certain... _students_, while being completely unfair to other students who he doesn't exactly favor. In order to be a good teacher, you have to have a neutral opinion to _every_ student, even students you don't like," McGonagall said. It sounded like she had complained about this before.

"All due respect, Minnie, but wouldn't you have your revenge on Slughorn _yourself_?" Sirius asked. "We'll gladly prank Slughorn, I'm just saying it feels more... _accomplished_, when you - _yourself_ - complete the revenge."

McGonagall thought about it. "I'm a teacher, Black. I can't be seen doing such... misendeavors," she said calmly, before walking away.

"Is it just me or did she just-" James started to ask.

"Yeah, she did."

"You know, Minnie's a pretty cool teacher, Padfoot."

"I was just going to say that myself, Prongs."

"Shall we contemplate this in the kitchen, Mr. Prongs?"

"That we shall, Mr. Padfoot."

The kitchen had always tended to be the one place in the school where they were guarenteed some form of privacy - the house-elves wouldn't tell anyone they were here - and as a result, some, if not most or all, of their pranks were planned here.

"Hey, do you think they followed us here?" Sirius asked, licking his ice cream cone thoughtfully.

James thought about it. "Nah. Remus doesn't know where I've hidden the cloak."

"Uhm... Prongs, about that..." Sirius said, tentatively.

"What about 'that'?" James asked, a threatening tone to his voice.

"Moony and I found your hiding place a while ago. Wayyyyyyy back in third year. You've got to be more original."

"WHAT? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We wanted to use it for our own purposes."

"What were these so-called '_purposes_'?"

"Well, I think Remus wanted to use it to sneak into the Restricted Section of the library - like any nerd would - and I used it for... well... you may not want to know that one," Sirius said, laughing awkwardly.

James raised his eyebrows. "You didn't..."

"Ah, but I _did_, Prongs, and that's what counts," Sirius smirked, as realization mixed with horror dawned on the other Marauder's face.

"So YOU were the one who set fireworks off in the Great Hall in third year - right in front Dumbledore's eyes?"

"And got that one asshole Ravenclaw seventh year in trouble? I'm not legally allowed to say," Sirius said, winking.

James rolled his eyes. "But do you think Remus would have the cloak with him and spy on us now?"

"Maybe... I wouldn't put it past him," Sirius said, chewing his lip thoughtfully.

"Do a scan, Padfoot. I think I sense him."

"Gotchya," Sirius said. Muttering some words and waving his wand, a strange white light emitted from it and swept around the room and surrounding areas. It was all peace and quiet, until... "THERE!" he shouted, pointing to a corner that the light was surrounding.

James jumped off the stool and made a dash for the corner in the kitchen, lunging for the hidden figure as they ran for it.

"GOTCHYA!" he exclaimed, holding firmly onto the figure, who was obviously still struggling, but didn't stand a chance against James.

"Now, shall we see who the villain is?" he asked, smirking.

"Yes, yes we shall, Prongs," Sirius said, grabbing the cloak off of... Snape?

"SNAPE!" the duo shouted, shocked.

"What the hell are you doing here?" James exclaimed, still holding onto their favorite victim firmly.

"Disarm him first, Prongs."

"Right, Padfoot. Now, you search him."

"What? No! You lost the bet, remember?"

"What bet?"

"YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER. Maybe you were too drunk..."

"Padfoot. I'm warning you..."

"Just search him, Prongs. It won't kill you," Sirius said, sighing and shaking his head in a way that made James glower.

"Fine..." James pouted as he resentfully searched Snape, pulling out his wand and throwing it on the other side of the room - ignoring the protest from the slimey Slytherin himself.

"Now... for the fun part," Sirius snickered as he waved his wand, making ropes appear and tying themselves around Snape, forcing him into a chair.

He and James shared a Look, and nodded. "How did you acquire such a cloak?" James asked, holding up the cloak that he recognized as _his_.

"I didn't steal it, if that's what you're implying," Snape sneered.

"Don't test us, Snivellus. We've got neither the time nor the patience today," Sirius snapped.

James nodded. "Now, only a few select people could get their hands on something like this-"

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sirius whispered.

"Of course you can!" James said, and was henceforth pulled by Sirius into a more private corner of the kitchen - which was kind of pointless since Snape could probably hear them anyways.

"What if Remus was disguised as Snape under the Polyjuice potion?" he whispered, attempting to be quiet. It didn't really work, and James winced.

"That's impossible!"

"Nothing is impossible at Hogwarts! And we had some of the potion leftover. Remus could have discovered it and-"

"Oh God. Remus wouldn't find any shame of using it... but why?"

"Because... because... he was trying to recruit Snape to their cause? I don't know what goes on in that mind of his."

"But Remus and Hermione could have recruited Snape for their cause - Remus and Hermione were always nicer to him than we were. He would be thrilled at an opportunity to take us down, and-"

"That would explain how he got his hands on MY cloak," James finished.

"This definitely changes things."

"Yes it does, Padfoot. Yes it does..." he agreed.

The duo headed back to where Snape was tied up.

"Snape, I'm going to ask you one more time how you got your hands on that cloak," James said.

"I found it on the floor, and I picked it up. That was it," he snapped. "Now _let me go_!"

"Are you in cahoots with Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger?"

Snape actually _laughed._ "Hell no. I would never work with _them_, you Gryffindor fools. Will you let me go _now_?"

"No. That's actually exactly how Remus would react to this situation. Show yourself, you Gryffindor traitor!" James exclaimed, waving his wand in a ridiculous and intricate fashion. Unfortunately for James, nothing happened.

"James, that's not how you perform the charm. It goes like this!" Sirius said, waving his wand and making a white light stream out from his wand and hit Snape in the chest.

"See, Prongs? THAT'S how you do it," the secret dog animagus said, smirking as he crossed his arms with a smug look on his face. James pouted, but it only lasted for a moment as they soon found out who the Snape imposter was.

"HERMIONE?"

"Hello boys," she said, coolly. "Care to untie me?"

"NO!" Sirius exclaimed, drawing James back to the corner.

"This is _Hermione_, Prongs. What are we supposed to do now?"

"Continue on with our mission," James said.

"What mission?" Sirius asked.

"Just follow my lead," he whispered, turning back to where Hermione was.

Only there was one problem.

She was gone.

"PRONGS, WE LOST HER!"

"I KNOW THAT, PADFOOT. Where did she go?"

"The Cloak is gone, too!"

"THAT LITTLE BITCH! Let's go find the others…"

"I don't think so, boys," a male voice that sounded suspiciously like Remus's voice came from the door.

"REMUS?"

"Hello, fellow Marauders. You should be very afraid right now… you're going to regret the day you met Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger by the time we're through with you," he said, laughing… evilly? It was like the voices were on speaker or something.

"Since when does Remus laugh evilly?" Sirius whispered to James.

"I don't know…" James said, wearing a suspicious look.

The duo were backed into a corner of the Hogwarts kitchen, back to back with their wands pointing out.

"Only cowards hide like you do!" Sirius shouted.

"He deserves something for that, don't you think, Hermione?"

"Oh yes, he definitely does, Remus."

It was safe to say, James and Remus were scared.

BACK IN THE GREAT HALL…

"James and Sirius have been gone a while…" Harry said, suspicion in his voice. McGonagall had long since returned to her place at the Heads table.

"Remus and Hermione are gone, too…" Lily stated, biting her lip nervously.

"You don't think…?" Ron asked, trailing off.

"Lily, do you know where James and Sirius usually go? Like - some of there normal hangouts?"

"Well…" Lily bit her lip and narrowed her bright green eyes in concentration.

"There's the Quidditch Pitch, the Common Room, Courtyard… oh, and the kitchen!"

"The kitchen?" Harry echoed, thoughtfully.

"They didn't eat much here," Ron pointed out. Harry and Lily's eyes widened, and Ron eventually caught on.

The group - what was left of it - Harry, Ron, and Lily, exchanged glances before leaping up and racing towards the Hogwarts kitchen.

* * *

Coming up... James and Sirius's rescue, as well as the good, old-fashioned prank on the Slytherins!


	28. Keep Your Friends Close, part 2

First things first, I wanted to apologize times infinity for this unintentional hiatus. I honestly did not mean for it to be this long of a wait, and thank you to everyone who has sent in a review at this point! My love for my faithful reviewers is strong, and I thank you for doing so. And now, without further adieu, I give you the next installment.

Disclaimer: See every other chapter prior to this.

* * *

Previously, on "The Ancient Art of Maraudering"…

_"James and Sirius have been gone a while…" Harry said, suspicion underlaying worry in his voice. McGonagall had long since returned to her place at the Heads table._

_"Remus and Hermione are gone, too…" Lily stated, biting her lip nervously._

_"You don't think…?" Ron asked, trailing off._

_"Lily, do you know where James and Sirius usually go? Like - some of there normal hangouts?"_

_"Well…" Lily bit her lip and narrowed her bright green eyes in concentration._

_"There's the Quidditch Pitch, the Common Room, Courtyard… oh, and the kitchen!"_

_"The kitchen?" Harry echoed, thoughtfully._

_"They didn't eat much here," Ron pointed out. Harry and Lily's eyes widened, and Ron eventually caught on._

_The group - what was left of it - Harry, Ron, and Lily, exchanged glances before leaping up and racing towards the Hogwarts kitchen._

Chapter 22: Keep Your Friends Close... Part 2

Sirius Black was terrified.

What made it unique was that he was almost never afraid; ninety-five percent of the time, he was not afraid.

This was one of the five percent of the time that he was afraid.

"Remus, what the hell is this nonsense? Yes, we're in a prank war of some kind but this is taking it too far!" James yelled, as a piece of cabbage hit him in the face and knocking his glasses off.

"Sirius, my glasses!"

"Shit, Prongs!"

There was a maelstrom of wind and food flying around in the Hogwarts kitchen that had been going on for a good thirty minutes; the disastrous mess that James and Sirius had gotten themselves into would not be very easy to escape from this time. It would be next to impossible to even reach the door through this mess of food soaring about in midair, and to make matters worse, James had lost his glasses. If one needs better imagery, picture a humongous tornado of food encircling the kitchen at a ridiculously fast speed.

"Padfoot, help me find them. I can't see a damned thing!"

"I'm trying, but there's so much shit flying everywhere that even I'm having a hard time. Oh, the curses of having ridiculously good-looking, long hair…"

"Suck it up and help me find them!"

Unfortunately for James, his glasses had been sucked into the whirlpool of food. They might have never been recovered, if not for Sirius's ingenious action… "_Accio James's glasses!"_ he exclaimed, performing the spell. His friend's glasses managed to find their way out of the mess and into his outstretched hand. Remus and Hermione had forgotten to block them from performing magic. HA! The fools...

"Here, Prongs," Sirius said, handing him the glasses. "How do you propose we get out of this one?"

"Wait it out?" James suggested, weakly.

"I doubt that'll they'll stop their wrath anytime soon…" Sirius said, trailing off doubtfully over the roar of unwittingly malicious food.

"I agree, Padfoot. I wonder if…"

"If what?"

"_Petrificus Totalus!"_ James exclaimed, waving his wand and stopping the tornado of food in its tracks. The wind stopped; everything held still in midair for a split second before falling to the ground, in an almost peaceful way. They had made the tornado _alive_; to this day, James didn't know how they managed to accomplish that.

"Way to go, Prongs!" Sirius grinned, high-fiving the other Marauder.

James grinned back proudly as he said, "Come on, Padfoot. Let's get out of this before someone sees it and blames us."

"Good idea," Sirius agreed. Together, the duo tip-toed over the remains of the tornado of food.

Once they were at the door… "Do you think it's locked? What if it's shocked?" James asked.

"_Alohamora!"_ The door clicked open, and Sirius tentatively turned the doorknob to find that… nothing happened.

"You know, that's kind of anti-climatic. I thought we trained Moony better, Prongs," Sirius said, sighing in slight disappointment as they realized there was no threat of imminent doom ahead of them.

"I thought we did, too," James said, shaking his head. They took a few tentative steps forward, and Sirius began to feel like he could relax, maybe just a little bit. A sideways glance at James told him he was feeling the same way.

And then…

"WHAT THE HELL, MOONY?" James screeched, as they were flipped upside down in mid-air and their worlds' were overturned.

The man had set up a booby trap, like in those old Muggle movies.

"I'm going to _kill_ him, James!" Sirius declared, seething.

"I'll help you with that," James said, as he tried to get his feet freed from the rope.

If one were to come down that particular hallway, they would have seen the two Marauders suspended upside down, with rope tied around the feet. James's glasses had fallen off again in the process. They were quite the sight to see; not only were they hanging from the ceiling, but also looked like they had just been in a food fight of some kind, because they were absolutely, positively covered from head to toe in food.

Luckily for them, Harry, Ron, and Lily came running down that corridor towards the kitchen at exactly the moment Sirius cursed Remus's existence for the third time that day.

"We need to get to them before something-" Lily was saying.

"Um, Lily?" Ron muttered, stopping in his tracks and gesturing towards where James and Sirius were suspended in the air.

"Howdy, boys!" James grinned, in an eerily good western accent.

"How's it goin' down there?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms and smirking, shamelessly.

"What even happened to you guys?" Lily asked, awestruck.

"We'll explain, if you can stop staring at us like a bunch of mindless idiots and get us the hell down from here. My feet hurt!" Sirius whined.

Lily rolled her eyes, and with a wave of her wand and a whisper of a spell, the rope snapped and the duo fell mercilessly onto the ground as gravity caught up to them.

"You couldn't have gotten us down nicely?" Sirius said, glaring at her.

"You didn't say please," Lily smiled, not bothering to hide a sliver of a smirk.

"Bitch," he muttered, and James hit him lightly.

"We've had a long day," he said, half-shrugging and trying to justify Sirius's cross mood.

Glancing at James's attire, which was covered with smears of food, Lily raised her eyebrows and asked, "Do we even want to know?"

"No, probably not," James said, with a laugh.

"James, can we _please _go kill Remus now?" Sirius pleaded.

"Yes, we will! We've gotta figure out our plan of action, though. What is it _exactly _that we're going to do to him?"

"Let's get you guys cleaned up, first things first," Lily said, interjecting.

Together and reunited (with the exclusion of Remus and Hermione), they trudged back to the picture of the fat lady.

MEANWHILE…

"That'll show them!" Remus grinned, high-fiving Hermione.

"Exactly!"

"You know, they are going to retaliate…" Remus said, after a moment's victory silence set in.

"We can take it," Hermione murmured, kissing him.

"You sure? They looked pretty pissed. Do you think we took it too far?"

"If we did, it's too late now," Hermione said, sighing. She missed Harry and Ron, just like Remus missed James, Remus, and Lily.

Oh well. All's fair in a prank war gone wild.

AND THEN…

"What in the blazes have you been up to?" McGonagall exclaimed, staring at James and Sirius as she passed them in the corridor.

"Don't ask," James said.

"Don't even ask," Sirius repeated, with the same, toneless edge as James.

Wisely, McGonagall didn't.

ONE HOUR LATER, IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM…

It was well-known that Lily Evan's favorite pastime was reading. Not spellbooks, per say, but Muggle books. People used to give her weird looks for reading Muggle books, which were usually Shakespeare; now, people were used to it. They knew Lily read when she was pissed at James; it helped usually to calm her nerves, to escape to a different reality for a few hours.

This time, she was reading to forget about her worries about James.

Yes, she, Lily Evans, was worried about James's next scheme. Normally he and Sirius were lucky enough to escape unscathed, but even more recently in their clashes with Remus and Hermione, she began to be frightened that something terrible would happen to them, and soon. Call it women's intuition, but she couldn't help her fears. She supposed it was normal, especially when James put himself on the line so frequently in his fearless and shameless pranks, but it didn't make much of a difference in the long run. Worrying wouldn't help anyone except their enemies, and while reading was a fantastic escape, Shakespeare wouldn't help them in this case.

Her thoughts were interrupted by James and Sirius, who came bounding down the stairs of the boy's dormitory in an obnoxious manner..

"I've never been more grateful for indoor plumbing!" Sirius burst out, jumping up and down ecstatically.

Noting the equally ecstatic expression on James's face, Lily asked warily, "And why are you two so cheerful?"

"We've got a plan to end it all," James said, grinning and linking arms with Sirius.

"What do you mean, 'end it all'?" Lily was definitely afraid of the answer now.

"You'll see at dinner, flower," was all that James said in response to her question. Lily glanced at Sirius's expression, and asked, "Should I go to dinner, James?"

"I'll make sure you don't get hurt, Lilykins," James spoke soothingly, in an attempt to allay her worries.

It didn't work.

"Well, we're off to set up. I'll see you later, love," James said, giving her a quick kiss farewell.

Lily bit her lip and murmured a soft goodbye.

She was a woman, goddammit. It was her job to worry.

* * *

Sorry for the painfully filler chapter, but the grand finale is on the way. I promise!


	29. And Your Enemies Closer

Sooo... it's been a while, hasn't it? Haha it's cool if you lost interest, but I'll still finish it off.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Harry Potter... as usual.

* * *

Previously, on "The Ancient Art of Maraudering"...

_Noting the equally ecstatic expression on James's face, Lily asked warily, "And why are you two so cheerful?"_

_"We've got a plan to end it all," James said, grinning and linking arms with Sirius._

_"What do you mean, 'end it all'?" Lily was definitely afraid of the answer now._

_"You'll see at dinner, flower," was all that James said in response to her question. Lily glanced at Sirius's expression, and asked, "Should I go to dinner, James?"_

_"I'll make sure you don't get hurt, Lilykins," James spoke soothingly, in an attempt to allay her worries._

_It didn't work._

_"Well, we're off to set up. I'll see you later, love," James said, giving her a quick kiss farewell._

_Lily bit her lip and murmured a soft goodbye._

_She was a woman, goddammit. It was her job to worry._

* * *

The Ancient Art of Maraudering  
Chapter 23: And [Keep] Your Enemies Closer

Meredith Burns was an above-average student. More than pretty, she was absolutely gorgeous. She had long, curly black hair that made other girls green, and hazel eyes. With her naturally tanned skin and curves, she had much of Hogwarts's male population wrapped around her finger.

However, there were three males of Hogwarts whom she didn't have: Sirius Black, James Potter, and Remus Lupin. The Marauders.

Meredith was a year younger than them; fatefully placed in Gryffindor, she saw them often, but never really _knew_ them.

She and the Marauders were acquaintances at best, not really friends, but someone you would acknowledge in the hallway with a smile or nod. So when Sirius Black approached her that evening, asking for assistance on his next prank, she already knew what her answer was.

"You won't have to do much – you'll barely even be involved. But we need someone that Remus and Hermione would never, ever suspect in a million, _trillion_ years. Even if they do realize your role, there wouldn't be any repercussions on you."

"You can guarantee that?" Meredith said, raising her eyebrows doubtfully. She knew Remus wasn't the vengeful type, but the number one thing you tried not to do at Hogwarts - more than just getting a poor grade or a detention - was get involved with the Marauders when they got to their infamous prank wars.

"Absolutely!" Sirius said, grinning. Must have thought she'd say yes by now; most people don't even ask questions, simply wanted in on the action.

"What's in it for me?"

"Our eternal gratitude, love."

Meredith crossed her arms and smirked. "And if I were to say no?"

"We would be sorely disappointed and would have to find someone else. And quite frankly, we aren't gifted with that much time."

"Wow, you must need help if you're trying to sound that official."

"We do!"

"But do I get anything _else_ out of it, besides eternal gratitude?"

"What did you have in mind?" Sirius asked, warily noting her smirk that was growing wider by the second.

Licking her lips, she leaned up in Sirius's ear and whispered, telling him_ exactly_ what she wanted. His eyebrows shot up accordingly, not expecting that kind of request… but he wasn't horrified. No, far from horrified.

Smirking as well, he said, "That can definitely be arranged, Mer."

"I knew we could work something out. Now, what is it that you want me to do?"

Sirius led her over to where James was standing, and together the duo let her in on the Plan.

P, as in capital P. Because there was no uber long title this time, just the Plan.

'Cause they were cool like that.

* * *

MEANWHILE, IN THE BOYS DORMITORY…

"Sirius and James have been gone for a while. Do you think that everything worked out okay?" Harry asked.

"They're James and Sirius, everything works out for them," Ron said, tiredly.

"True…" Harry said, running a hand through his hair.

"Do you wanna go see them?" Ron suggested, knowingly.

"Yeah, let's go," Harry said, and they left their dorm – heading back towards the Common Room.

NEXT…

"Remus, Remus!" Meredith called out, chasing after him. It had been awful, trying to get him alone; whatshername Hermione was always, always, _always_ by his side, and for a couple of 'goody two shoes' students, they sure knew a hell of a lot about PDA.

"Oh hey, Meredith! What's wrong?" Remus asked, noting her crazy expression.

"I failed the Defense Against the Dark Arts written test yesterday. The professor said that I could do test corrections, but I have absolutely no clue where to begin. Would you mind helping me, please?" Meredith begged.

He looked a little irritated, as if he wanted nothing more in the world than to say no but was too nice to refuse.

However, what he actually said was, "Is right now alright? I'm busy later."

"Right now is perfect!" she said, giving him a sultry smile.

"To the library?" he asked, turning to go in that direction.

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of a classroom over here so we could practice…" Meredith said, taking his hand and dragging him along until she found THE room. Once she pulled him inside, giggling, she smiled at him as she shut the door behind them.

"What are you doing, Meredith? What's wrong with keeping a door open?" Remus asked, a little uneasy as to where this was going.

"Well, Remus…" Meredith said, closing the distance between them easily. "I always thought that you weren't the type to have a girlfriend… more along the lines of, 'friends with benefits'…"

As Remus opened his mouth to ask her what in the hell she was talking about, Meredith leaned up and kissed him, sliding her hand down his pants and skimming her hand along his thigh. He was too confused and surprised to do anything, so she took advantage of that and went a little farther, snogged a little harder, and led his hand under her jeans, leading him towards…

"Get off of me, I have a girlfriend!" Remus exclaimed, pushing her away exactly as a _click!_ from a camera sounded throughout the room.

"Well, well, well what have we here?" Sirius smirked, emerging from a corner as James emerged from another.

"What's going on?" Remus exclaimed, furiously.

"We're blackmailing you, that's what," James responded, gleefully.

"That means you have to do whatever we say, or we'll show Hermione this picture of you and Meredith," Sirius said, showing him the picture of the two kissing.

"Sirius, I know what blackmailing is. And that's not fair, she seduced me!"

"All's fair when it comes to prank wars, Remmy. Don't tell anyone about this, or you'll pay the price," James laughed.

"_Incendio!_" Remus cried, pointing towards the picture.

"Good try Remmy, but it's fire proof. And spell-proof in general," James smirked, crossing his arms as Meredith walked over to stand by the pair.

"What do you want?"

"We'll be in touch," Sirius said, and the three strolled out of the room. Grabbing Meredith's arm on her way out, Remus said, "Whatever they promised you, I'll double it. Ten times better than anything they could give ever hope to give you."

She gave him a feisty, sultry smile, saying, "Sirius promised better, sorry," and flounced out of the room after them.

Facepalming, Remus wished he wasn't so nice.

"Oh and Remus?" Sirius peeked his head back in the room.

"Yes?"

"Just remember, you were the ones who went too far first. Now, it's our turn," he said, cackling.

"Get lost, Black!" he shouted, casting a random spell in his direction. Sirius literally said, "Eek!"and ran to catch up with James and Meredith.

To make matters worse, McGonagall appeared, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Remus, what has gotten into you and the boys lately? You've been more rowdy and troublesome than usual and quite honestly, I do not like it."

"Oh, nothing professor," he said, smiling innocently. He remembered their last prank war, and knew she would flip if anything like that would happen again.

She nodded and pursed her lips, not looking as if she bought his excuse, but not really wanting to question the 'inner turmoils' of the Marauders – as was the common reaction by most teachers and most students.

"Oh, and Remus?"

"Yes, Professor?"

"Dumbledore, myself, and all of the other professors are going out tonight during dinner for the Annual Staff Dinner During School. Since James and Lily are the two Heads of Gryffindor, it's up to you to see that order remains in my house. I would tell this to James, but I know that he and Black are up to something… as usual. I'm counting on you, Remus. DON'T make a fool out of it while I'm gone," she said, her lips forming a stern, thin line.

He gulped. "Yes, Professor."

"Good. No pressure, then," she said, and left him to his own.

"Oh, Merlin help me," he groaned, sinking down into a nearby chair.

James and Sirius had certainly picked the right night; there would be utter chaos at dinner tonight, there was no doubt about it.

He could only hope that Lily had those two lunatics under control…

* * *

"Great job, Mer. He never saw it coming!" James grinned, high fiving her as they made their way back to the common room.

"It actually wasn't that hard, to be honest," Meredith said, laughing.

"Absolutely flawless. And did you _see_ the look on his face after you seduced him?" Sirius snickered.

"Well, I'm going to copy this picture for reasons that I cannot disclose to you, Meredith. Oh, don't look so annoyed, you'll find out soon enough. I'll see you two in a little bit," James said, bounding past the picture of the Fat Lady and up to his dorm.

"So, when do I get my payment for helping?" Meredith asked, slyly.

Sirius leaned in, giving her a deep, long kiss.

"Soon enough, my dear."

After winking at her, he followed James upstairs. Meredith actually _swooned_ before she headed inside. Good thing he hadn't seen that. She had been and slept with lots of guys, but none of them even came close to comparing to him.

* * *

FIVE MINUTES LATER, IN THE BOYS DORMITORY, SIRIUS BLACK WAS ALMOST KILLED.

"You promised Meredith WHAT?"

"It was the only way she would help, James, I swear!"

"Because I'm sure you saw nothing wrong with her wanting to have sex WITH BOTH OF US." James shouted, fuming.

"James I'm sorry but it was the only way it would work!"

"When does she want… her payment?" James asked, with narrowed eyes.

"We haven't agreed on the deadline yet, or even put one… but if it makes you feel better, she said she wants to have sex with me WHENEVER she damn well pleases. Thank Merlin she's hot…"

"SIRIUS, YOU'RE SUCH A DUMBASS. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU JUST AGREED TO?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"YOU AGREED TO BE HER BITCH, THAT'S WHAT. I'm never letting you do any types of negotiations again…"

"Yeah, but she's just so damn _hot_, Prongs!"

James facepalmed.

"And what am I supposed to tell Lily?"

"You _don't_ tell her, dumbass. You've done it before with other girls, you can do it again."

"Yeah, but never to LILY EVANS. I don't want to!"he said, crossing his arms and pouting.

Sirius moved closer to James. He spoke into James's ear, and in a barely a whisper, "Polyjuice potion, dumbass."

James looked at him, and quite frankly, looked like he could kiss him. Sirius then proceeded to tell him that.

Ignoring Sirius's comment, James said, "Do you think that would fool her?"

"Prongs, listen. We spend so much time together; we're like brothers, and if we can survive a prank war like this one, we can do anything, Prongs. If we looked alike, no one could tell us apart… well, the only difference would be that you would be chasing Lily, and I would be chasing the rest of the female population."

"Merlin, Padfoot. You sounded like you were about to confess your undying love to me right there," James said, laughing.

"If that's what you _really_ wanted to hear, I would be more than happy to confess my undying love to you, Prongs."

James smirked, saying, "Confess your undying love to me then, Padfoot. I know you've wanted to ever since the day we met."

Sirius bowed, and took hold of James's hands, leaning forward so that their foreheads brushed against each other.

"Prongs, you are my best friend. You are _more_ than my best friend. My one, true best friend that I could count on for anything, who let me into your home and family without question, who I know better than anyone… there is no one else in the entire world that I would rather confess my undying love to than you, Prongs. James Potter, Prongs, I must confess that I'm in love with you and I cannot keep it hidden anymore; I want _you_. Those girls are just a sham and I cannot live without you by my side."

In that physical position, anyone who didn't know Sirius as well as James did would have bought it.

Except… it was James, and he knew Sirius better than anyone. He was up to something…

Smirking, and somehow managing to keep such a straight face as Sirius, James said, "I'm in love with you too, Padfoot. You're my one and only, and Lily is only a cover for you."

Sirius leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Now for the gold; lean in and kiss me for five seconds, then again for twenty... and maybe a third one after that, for good luck. Make it look realistic."

Smirking, James said, "That'll show those two fuckers for eavesdropping on us."

Outside, Harry and Ron watched the 'dynamic duo' through the infamous 'crack' in the boys's dormitory door; put there, after Sirius broke up with one of his more aggressive 'girlfriends'. 'Girlfriend' in quotation marks, because he never really had committed relationships, and when he did, he cheated… shamelessly. For revenge, she tried to blast the door open to 'kill' him. McGonagall did her best to repair it, but only a crack remained of that fateful October day.

Poor souls, they had no idea they were being, in other words, 'fucked with'.

* * *

LATER, ON THE MOVING STAIRCASE TO THE GREAT HALL…

"So, you can make out with me to mess with Harry and Ron, and then pretend to shag me, but not Meredith?"

Yawning, James ran a hand through his hair. Who knew pretending to shag someone would be nearly as tiring as actually shagging someone?

"There's a difference, Padfoot!"

"How so?"

"First of all, Lily would be far too shocked and probably not even believe that I kissed you to begin to feel hurt or know what to feel. In Meredith's case, she would be shocked, hurt, pissed off, then hurt some more," James explained, patiently.

"I see how it is. You'll cheat on Lily with boys, but not girls. Because somehow, it's less believable," Sirius said, sarcastically.

"First of all, that wouldn't even really count as cheating, it would count as… a prank, which really means that it doesn't count towards anything at all," James said.

"Ahh, but Meredith was involved in a prank – a prank war, to be specific – and the official 'Prank War Rulebook' states that for the sake of the war, sanity, and other unmentionable reasons that may cause said girlfriend to break up with you, it is perfectly acceptable that…

1. She never finds out.

2. To cheat on her if necessary or relevant to said prank war if needed."

"Does it really say that, Padfoot?"

"Of course, right here on page 374!" Sirius said, turning to page 374 and shoving the text in James's face.

"Alright, alright, alright! Maybe it's not technically cheating if it's a cause OF said prank war…"

"Exactly!"

"But Lily wouldn't see it that way…"

"She doesn't have to find out, Prongs!"

"What if she does?"

"She _won't_, because while you'll be with Lily, I'll be with Meredith… as you."

"But how would we even get Polyjuice potion? Do we still have some left over?"

"I think we're going to have to steal it; she probably won't wait that long to shag you," Sirius said.

"Slughorn?"

"Do you really think he could make a competent Polyjuice potion?"

"No… but what other choice do we have?"

"There's this one shop, in Knockturn Alley… my dad took me there once, when we were shopping for clothes for school from before I hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor. Said the potions shop in Diagon Alley 'wasn't legit'".

"He actually said that?" James asked, raising his eyebrows doubtfully.

"Nope, I'm giving you the watered down version! But anyways-"

"You're saying that a potions shop in KNOCKTURN ALLEY is less sketchy than Slughorn, a HOGWARTS PROFESSOR?"

"Ahhh, but here's the catch, Prongs. Aberforth Dumbledore runs it."

"What? You mean to say that Dumbledore… has a brother, who runs a potions shop in Knockturn Alley?"

"Have you ever even been to Knockturn Alley, Prongs?"

"No…"

"The perfect time to go would be after dinner. The teachers use this tradition to go get drunk and complain about us and shit like that," Sirius said, biting his lip as he planned.

"Alright, but I'm trusting you on this one, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned, and said, "So-"

At that exact moment, Sirius noticed that Harry and Ron were walking towards the staircase from the hallway. Nudging James, he whispered, "Trip."

"What?" James asked, confused.

"I didn't stutter, did I? Trip!" And with that meager warning, he inconspicuously pushed James down the last set of stairs. Then, he proceeded to let himself 'lose his balance' and tumble down the stairs as well, so that he landed on top of James with an 'oof!'.

"Imma kill you, Padfoot," James hissed, under his breath as Harry and Ron approached.

"Are… are you two okay? That was a fall if I ever saw one," Ron asked.

"Oh, as long as I have James to fall on, I'm perfectly brilliant," Sirius said, with a wicked grin and wink.

James looked as if he would rather do nothing more than either kill Sirius or die himself.

"Get off of me, idiot!" he hissed, shoving Sirius off and standing up.

Harry and Ron's eyes were wide, and because James was blushing of embarrassment (just a tad), it was assumed what you think they were assuming.

"We'll just… catch up with you later," Harry squeaked, and they quickly turned and started walking up the stairs.

"Really, Padfoot?"

"I couldn't resist, Prongs! Once the idea got in my head, the perfect opportunity…"

James just shook his head and continued on towards the Great Hall, where they were about to wreak the best havoc ever.

At the entrance, Meredith approached the pair.

"Sirius: third closet on the left, fifth floor, midnight tonight."

"You got it, sweetie," Sirius said, winking.

"I'll see you there, Sirius," she said. Not in the, 'oh, I'll see you later' way, but the 'breathe on the neck, whisper in ear see you later' way.

"Merlin, Padfoot. Of all the girls to choose from, you would choose Meredith Burns," James said, after she had walked away.

"Mmmmm," he was all he said, still staring at Meredith walking.

"Padfoot, focus! Big prank, extreme chaos, revenge?"

"Oh, right! Let's blow this shit up, Prongs."

"We aren't going to blow up Hogwarts, dumbass!"

"But I still want to blow shit up…"

"I never said that we _wouldn't_ blow shit up, Padfoot.."

"Awesome! You ready to go?"

"Let's."

James and Sirius strided over to where Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor table… with Hermione.

"Remus, Remus, Remus…" Sirius said, smirking as he put a hand on right his shoulder the same time as James said, "Lupin, Lupin, Lupin," and put his hand on his left shoulder.

"What do you want?" he snapped, turning around to glare at them.

"Ah, I wouldn't be so harsh, Moony. You haven't already forgotten about the project now, have you?"

Glowering at them, Remus said, "Excuse me, 'Mione. It won't be long."

She looked suspicious, but nodded in a, 'You had better tell me later or you aren't getting laid' tonight way.

"What do you want me to do?"

James glanced at Sirius, who nodded.

"We want you… to go over to Snivellus, and confess your undying love to him. Then, you have to kiss him. ON THE LIPS, for ten seconds. It'll probably be his first, so it might be ugly... well, uglier than normal," James said.

Remus stared at James, and then at Sirius, then back at James.

"…You're serious?" he asked, so stupefied that he forgot the rule: NEVER say the word serious in front of Sirius.

"Why yes, yes I am," Sirius said, with a smirk.

Rolling his eyes, James spoke again, "Do you need us to repeat the task?"

"What happens if I don't – you'll actually break us up?" Remus said, scoffing.

"Maybe, maybe not. But, if we don't… we have a backup plan, that involves a hell of a lot more chaos than you just going over there to kiss Snivellus, and are you not supposed to keep order for the Gryffindor house because Minnie thinks I won't enforce rules tonight? I wonder what Minnie will do if there's trouble…" James said, letting that sink in.

"You know, she'd blame Lily too, James," Remus pointed out.

James looked a little uncertain after that, but Sirius quickly covered for him. "Ah, but Minnie knows that Lily would try and enforce the rules, whereas you have a history of… not… enforcing the rules."

Sirius laughed, smirking as Remus's face fell.

"I'm NOT kissing Sni-Snape."

"Fine, we'll just show 'Mione this picture, and we'll see which one you'll regret most…"

"What's going on, boys?" Hermione said, bouncing up to them.

"Business, woman. IMPORTANT business that doesn't involve you," Sirius said, glaring at her.

Hermione narrowed her eyes, and before any words came out of her mouth, James knew what was coming because he had heard the, "women are just as equal as men," speech more than enough times from Lily.

"And no, it's not because you're a woman, it's because you're not involved," James said, forcefully.

At that point, Hermione WOULD have left, except Remus had to pipe up and say, "Technically James, she IS involved."

Turning to Hermione, James said, with a wink, "It's a surprise, love."

She still wasn't convinced, but kissed Remus on the lips and said, "Don't be gone for too long."

After she was back at her seat, Remus sighed and said, "I'll do it."

"Excellent," Sirius smirked.

"Do it now, in front of everyone," James said, gesturing towards the Slytherin table where the unfortunate soul was sitting with none other than… Regulus Black? Interesting…

"And if I do this, you'll burn and destroy evidence of that picture and never let Hermione know in any type of communication at all?" Remus asked, warily.

"Yes!" they chorused.

"Idon't trust you, but I'll do it," Remus said, sighing as he slowly, haltingly walked towards the Slytherin table.

"Do you have the camera?" James whispered.

"Of course I do!" Sirius said, handing it over to him.

"The day Remus Lupin kissed Snivellus… this is one for the Wall, Padfoot," James said, as Remus nervously approached Snape and Regulus.

Then…

Remus Lupin kissed Snivellus… for ten whole seconds.

Everyone in the entire Great Hall was shocked, until Snape threw Remus off of him and said, "Get off of me, jackass!"

Remus glared at Sirius and James, and he calmly walked over to Hermione, who was definitely wearing the, 'I want answers, and I want them now,' face.

"Relax, 'Mione. It was only a dare," he whispered, as normal conversation picked up again and the situation returned to normal.

"I'm just not going to ask," Hermione said, and when Remus leaned in to kiss her, she backed away and said, "Not until you boil your mouth!"

Remus rolled his eyes, but bit into a biscuit instead.

"You know I love you," he said.

"I love you too, Remus," she murmured.

Unfortunately for Remus, James and Sirius were far from finished.

"Attention, witches, wizards, and Mrs. Norris!" James bellowed, standing on top of the teacher's table, Sirius by his side.

"First, we would like to say a few words of appreciation to our teachers, who so kindly left the school to our bidding tonight," Sirius said, earning a round of applause from most students.

"Second, I would like to say that Lily Evans is the most incredible girlfriend ever, and I am very lucky to call her mine," James added, earning another round of applause and a blushing Lily.

"And before we get to our main agenda, we would like to bring Remus Lupin and Hermione Granger to the stage," Sirius said.

Confused, the two made their way up to the teacher's table.

"What's this about, James?" Remus hissed, glaring at him.

"As some of you may be aware, we are in a prank war with these two. In order to win, we must beat them," Sirius said.

"What are you getting at?" Hermione hissed.

"You must know by now, that we're a team, the two of us," James said, loudly.

"We _always_ win," Sirius spoke.

"And we _always_ deliver," James added.

"I've always wanted to be a magician, Prongs. What about you?"

"Wait, we're going with that one? I thought-" James whispered, caught offguard.

"Pleaseeeee, Prongs?" Sirius stage-whispered.

"Fine."

"Now, as I was saying… I have always wanted to be a magician. Not in the Wizard way, but the MUGGLE way. With fake tricks and stuff. So, with Prongs here as my sexy assistant, Remus and Hermione will be the subjects."

It was safe to say that the couple was horrified.

"Now, let my magic show begin!" And with a wave of his wand, Sirius started. He pulled Remus out of a hat, INSTEAD of a simple bunny. He had Hermione floating around the ceiling, and then came the vanishing trick.

"So, James will assist both Remus and Hermione into this box, which will vanish. When it reappears, they will be gone."

Waving his wand, the box vanished. And with another wave, it was back.

And the extremely unfortunate couple was not inside.

While Sirius held the audience's attention, James skillfully hung water balloons from the ceiling (with magic, of course). Surprisingly, the floating objects blended in well with the candles and clear night sky.

"ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD, VIOLA! They are here!" Sirius announced, and Remus and Hermione appeared.

Sirius then proceeded to do the trick where you cut up the victim – and they turn out to be okay.

"Now, this is a very tricky… trick. As you can see, Hermione is tied up and cannot move. I will put her in this box, then saw through it using my wand. When the box is cut through completely, Hermione will remain unharmed."

Sirius then did so, holding the audience's attention easily.

Removing the box, everyone could clearly see that Hermione was fine.

"That was my last trick. Thank you to my lovely, sexy assistant James, and to our volunteers, Remus and Hermione!"

Everyone clapped – Gryffindors especially as they hooted and whistled.

"Goodnight, and farewell, fellow classmates!" Sirius announced, bowing along with James. They cleared the stage, and on the count of one, two, three…

Water balloons fell from the stage, and landed on Remus and Hermione.

Maybe that prank was overdone, but it never got old.

"And now, let the party begin!" James shouted, and with a snap of his fingers, the tables in the Great Hall were moved to the side, and rap music blared throughout the room.

"Now this, is what I call a house party," Sirius said, and high fived James.

Remus and Hermione were still on the teacher's table.

"I'll kill them," Remus muttered, seething.

"Maybe we should just enjoy the party," Hermione murmured soothingly. "I'm getting tired of warring with them, to be honest."

"No, they aren't winning!" Remus glared. "Not this time."


End file.
